What's it really like at the Big 3?

[Anonymous]

Since we're just a week or so away from acceptance letters, just wondering -- if you're not part of the Washington elite and your DC gets into/goes to one of the Big 3, what's it like their socially for them? Are they second-class citizens?

[Anonymous]

Garbage in, garbage out. Watch out for the two-faced, smile-in-your face, phoney moms. Bats out of hell. They'll rip your kids to shreds if they smell a whiff of fear.

[Anonymous]

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

We have felt very welcome. There are a few "elite" but more of us average families.

[Anonymous]

My kids went to a normal (non "feeder") nursery school. Public elementary school. One is at a Big 3 for MS, the other at a smaller private MS. I haven't noticed any huge differences in culture between the various schools - they all have "elite" families, they all have "normal" families, they all have nasty or overly competitive parents, they all have friendly and helpful parents. This is, after all, Washington, DC - there are hypercompetitive parents and kids everywhere you go, and then there are the rest of us -- everywhere you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since we're just a week or so away from acceptance letters, just wondering -- if you're not part of the Washington elite and your DC gets into/goes to one of the Big 3, what's it like their socially for them? Are they second-class citizens?

It'll depend. How rich (or not), how powerful (or not), even how good looking (or not). That the Big 3 are populated mainly by "elite" families is an urban myth. But most are reasonably well off, reasonably powerful, and reasonably good looking. If you don't hit on 2 out of 3, you may be a "second-class" citizen. But the saving grace is that if your DC is well-liked and popular, you'll find DC, and by extension your family, will be among the "first-class," regardless of how poor, powerless, or ugly you may be.

[Anonymous]

We're a Beauvoir family. DH and I both work in jobs requiring advanced degrees, and neither of us comes from major money, though we were both raised comfortably. Despite lacking super-model looks, bloodlines to the Mayflower, etc., we've felt welcome. It is completely standard for the offspring of Georgetown/Spring Valley uppercrusties to have playdates with children of cabdrivers, (non-appointed) Federal employees, and other regular people. Those lines are unimportant--possible invisible--to the children, from what I've seen.

FWIW, effort matters. I felt a little left out our first year there, but I did notice that I made a lot more friends among fellow parents once I made it a priority to do volunteer work at the school. Of course, I could only volunteer once both kids were in school, and by then I no longer had to deal with toilet training, naps, etc. What I see now is that care of young children is draining for everyone. Some of the parents who I initially found aloof-ish turned out to be people very similar to me--navigating parental/spousal roles while not getting enough sleep/downtime.

The parents association has lots of opportunities do assist the teachers during the school day so you can do behind the scenes work and also chat with other parents. These volunteer times are often 8:15-9 (after drop off in class, before I absolutely need to be at work).

[Anonymous]

Same at NCS -- kids with single parents living in an apt have play dates with kids living in Palisades. At the young grade levels it doesnt matter much to a kid. Kids can be well liked and popular and not ridiculously wealthy, and wealthy kids who are annoying are doing to be less popular. Cliques happen everywhere and I think it has much more to do with the child's personality than with the parents' income. My daughter is in grade 6 now and she has many friends who come from different backgrounds/family sturctures/income levels. Personally we are a single parent family and I am not able to volunteer much, but it has never ever been an issue. One thing to consider is I beleive some world bank/IMF type familys actually get tution reimbursement which I think helps even the playing field/make wealth less of an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're a Beauvoir family. DH and I both work in jobs requiring advanced degrees, and neither of us comes from major money, though we were both raised comfortably. Despite lacking super-model looks, bloodlines to the Mayflower, etc., we've felt welcome. It is completely standard for the offspring of Georgetown/Spring Valley uppercrusties to have playdates with children of cabdrivers, (non-appointed) Federal employees, and other regular people. Those lines are unimportant--possible invisible--to the children, from what I've seen.

FWIW, effort matters. I felt a little left out our first year there, but I did notice that I made a lot more friends among fellow parents once I made it a priority to do volunteer work at the school. Of course, I could only volunteer once both kids were in school, and by then I no longer had to deal with toilet training, naps, etc. What I see now is that care of young children is draining for everyone. Some of the parents who I initially found aloof-ish turned out to be people very similar to me--navigating parental/spousal roles while not getting enough sleep/downtime.

The parents association has lots of opportunities do assist the teachers during the school day so you can do behind the scenes work and also chat with other parents. These volunteer times are often 8:15-9 (after drop off in class, before I absolutely need to be at work).

There are children of cabdrivers at Beauvoir? I don't think I've met one.

[Anonymous]

There are children of cabdrivers at Beauvoir? I don't think I've met one.

I'm 9:59 PP. Let's assume "cabdriver" is a proxy for job-not-normally-thought-of-as-prestigious. (Surely you're not asking me to name names and call out a child?) My point is that I know fellow parents working in clerical, svc industry and blue collar jobs and their children are just as valuable members of the school community as anyone elses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There are children of cabdrivers at Beauvoir? I don't think I've met one.

I'm 9:59 PP. Let's assume "cabdriver" is a proxy for job-not-normally-thought-of-as-prestigious. (Surely you're not asking me to name names and call out a child?) My point is that I know fellow parents working in clerical, svc industry and blue collar jobs and their children are just as valuable members of the school community as anyone elses.


Yeah, right! Sis-boom-bah

[Anonymous]

Not a Beauvoir parent ... different private school entirely. However, PP, I think you need to draw a distinction between how parents treat other children versus how they treat each other. I have observed and experienced first hand some snobby behavior between adults, but MOST adults treat children kindly regardless of their parents' income level. So remember that how you the parent experience the school may be different (and possibly but not necessarily less pleasant) than the way your child does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're a Beauvoir family. DH and I both work in jobs requiring advanced degrees, and neither of us comes from major money, though we were both raised comfortably. Despite lacking super-model looks, bloodlines to the Mayflower, etc., we've felt welcome. It is completely standard for the offspring of Georgetown/Spring Valley uppercrusties to have playdates with children of cabdrivers, (non-appointed) Federal employees, and other regular people. Those lines are unimportant--possible invisible--to the children, from what I've seen.

FWIW, effort matters. I felt a little left out our first year there, but I did notice that I made a lot more friends among fellow parents once I made it a priority to do volunteer work at the school. Of course, I could only volunteer once both kids were in school, and by then I no longer had to deal with toilet training, naps, etc. What I see now is that care of young children is draining for everyone. Some of the parents who I initially found aloof-ish turned out to be people very similar to me--navigating parental/spousal roles while not getting enough sleep/downtime.

The parents association has lots of opportunities do assist the teachers during the school day so you can do behind the scenes work and also chat with other parents. These volunteer times are often 8:15-9 (after drop off in class, before I absolutely need to be at work).

There are children of cabdrivers at Beauvoir? I don't think I've met one.

Nor I. The few working class parents that I've noticed there are the aftercare workers.

[Anonymous]

I am a non-elite parent (middle class background, college educated) at a Big 3.......if I feel left out or "snobbed" I think it comes from my own insecurity. I am rather shy and keep to myself. I have befriended a few people whose lives are much different than mine (on both ends of the spectrum) and those people have become friends because I feel comfortable talking to them and we connect on some level. I have chatted with some parents whom I guess you could say are part of the "in-crowd" - they have all been nice, but I tend to be more introverted. If we don't get past small talk - I usually blame myself for just not being good at networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have felt very welcome. There are a few "elite" but more of us average families.

Average in what way?