When one spouse wants to leave DC and one doesn't

[Anonymous]

[guardian]

[Anonymous]

wat

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Sorry not sure what that is above!

I'd like to move to Richmond where my family lives and my husband does not. We are pretty happily married with 2 kids. We came here 8 years ago for his job. He says he'd move for "the perfect job" there, but it's pretty easy for him to just never find the perfect job.

How do I reconcile this? It sort of feels like when one spouse wants another child and one doesn't. He has the advantage of already being where he wants to be.

[Anonymous]

Did you come to DC from Richmond?

When you moved to DC, did you discuss possibly returning in the future?

Where is his family?

Why doesn't he want to go back?

Have the kids always lived in the DC area? Or were they born before the move?

[Anonymous]

what's your reason to move? do you work? do you know if he really enjoys his current job? is moving to Richmond for your advantage only or does it truly (not just in your mind) equally benefit your DH and the kids?

you reconcile this by talking to your husband, listening, and having an actual mature conversation.

[Anonymous]

Cage match. Winner takes all.

[Anonymous]

My husband is from another state but we met in college in VA. Right before moving here he was in law school in NC. He has always known is prefer living in Richmond but I was supportive of him getting his career started.

We didn't move here saying we'd stay forever. He feels like there are better jobs here. I feel like the longer we stay tj harder it will be to leave (since al of his experience is related to government contracts.)

His sibs both came here after college and his parents retired here.

I'd like to move to be closer to my family, have a better QOL, and to be somewhere less type A. I don't work at the moment (kids are 3 and 6) but plan to when youngest is in full day school.

Like I said, we have talked about it. A lot. His answer is always, "Sure I'll move there when the perfect job presents itself." End of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cage match. Winner takes all.

OP again. This is exactly how I feel. And inertia is on his side. All he has to do to get his way, is do nothing. He wins.

[Anonymous]

That is a tough position given the fact he is so tied to govt. contracts. And since he is bringing home the bacon, it will be tough for him to just up and start fresh. A lot of anxiety I'm sure.

But he should give you more than "When the perfect job presents itself". If his only hangup is the job, then he should at least look and see what is out there and what the lower COL means to the salary he may have to take.

The family portion of it is hard too. Is he very close with his family? Would leaving them affect him?

[Anonymous]

You stay in DC. Why? Because you DO NOT HAVE A JOB. You rely entirely upon DH's salary.

Saying that you "plan" to get a job is entirely different than risking DH's career so that you might get a job.

[Anonymous]

OP, how about a compromise and move down toward Fredericksburg? It's almost 1/2 way to Richmond. DH can take the train (vre) into DC and you'll be less than an hour from Richmond.

[Anonymous]

We have the same issue. I want to return to our home state down south, Dh wants to stay in the DC area. I'm not sure how you fix it. At least Richmond isn't that far from the DC area.

[Anonymous]

I say move now to be close to family while the kids are young. Agree to move back to DC when the kids are all out of the house. If your husband's inertia is to stay in one place, he may decide not to move back.

You can play up the lower cost of living to save for college expenses and retirement. Agree to keep your house here and rent it out to keep a foot in the property market here.

[Anonymous]

You're probably not going to win this one, OP. Just be glad your family is within driving distance. My hometown and family are 3,000 miles away and I'm in the same boat.