Yes, we love our families. But: Petty Vents 2022

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs (MIL, three BILs, SIL, niece and nephew) stayed with us for a week. They are overall lovely people but I have so many vents now. It will be a while before I sign up for hosting them all for an extended period of time again.

The biggest thing is that they never miss a chance to make some comment about how our house is small despite being expensive, or we don't have a real yard, or asking pointedly if we plan to move somewhere else for better "quality of life" (yes my BIL asked us this). They all live in various exurbs in California and Florida (with the exception of one BIL who is military and lives on a base). I feel like I bit my tongue for a week not to be like "for me quality of life means avoiding depressing places like where you live."

It's just different priorities/preferences, but they can't fathom that we actually chose our old house in NWDC over the possibility of a 5000sf McMansion and don't get that it's rude to be openly incredulous about it.

Why can't you say this? Even to nice people it's Ok to say "I know it's small but we love city life. The tradeoff is so worth it for us." And to your inlaws who are criticizing you, it would be completely understandable to say the bolded above. I mean, if they're dishing out little dogs at your house, they should expect to get something back.

[Anonymous]

Little digs not little dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister, who almost never hosts holiday gatherings, offered to host this year. I offered to make some things and we exchanged emails about what each of us would contribute. She deleted some of what my family wanted, e.g. roasted vegetables and corn pudding, so I added them back to the list and that apparently made them my responsibility. She asked us to bring pies in addition to the side dishes we were making. She roasted the turkey but “doesn’t like” gravy, so that was on us too.

Long story short, she made the turkey, mashed potatoes, a vegetable and a salad. We made the other 2/3 of the meal - multiple pies, corn pudding, roasted vegetables, cranberry sauce, gravy, a few other things - and transported it to her house in big Costco type boxes.

By the time we sat down, I was as tired as if I were the one hosting.

Never again.

She did more. Why the hell did you make roasted veg and corn pudding on top of everything else. Why did you make all this crap against your own will? Prepping her house and cooking was much more work and responsibility than martyr-cooking a bunch of unwanted items and sticking them in boxes. What sides did you make that were even wanted? Cranberry sauce it appears. Then she had to clean up.

I agree. Everything she made except maybe the pies are easy peasy to make.

We made what people wanted to eat. Our kids and hers wanted roasted vegetables and corn pudding. They also wanted homemade cranberry sauce and one of our kids is a vegetarian so we made a vegetarian main. We bought Trader Joe's gravy, which everyone except my sister likes, and I made three pies. None of it was "crap" and we didn't make dishes "against our will" but rather because the only way to ensure that everyone got to eat what they wanted was to make these things ourselves. It was all wanted by everyone involved, except my sister.

Her approach is that if she doesn't like it, then she doesn't make and serve it. She doesn't like brussels sprouts, corn pudding, cranberry sauce, or gravy, so she doesn't make them. She's not a vegetarian so won't make a vegetarian-friendly main dish. She's not a baker so doesn't make pies.

Bottom line, the only way to have an abundant Thanksgiving with dishes we wanted on the table was to make it ourselves.

We stayed to help clean up.

Does that answer your questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousins LOVE to bring extremely complicated board games over for holidays for the family to play. My kids are young and are the only kids in the family. So every year they get out some new game, the kids want to play, and they tell them to go amuse themselves because "this is a grownup game" and the kids get upset. Usually I end up playing some kids' game with them to keep them happy and I get remarks about not socializing with the extended family. Petty vent I know. I feel like they all still think of themselves as the "kids" of the family and these small people are just annoyances to be kept quiet.

Some of the most annoying and clueless adults I know are those that come over and then play a game or color with their children instead of being capable of adult conversation, not to mention encouraging their children to learn to entertain themselves for a short time.

Um, it's the HOLIDAYS. No the kids shouldn't be excluded b/c some man or woman-child needs to have "adult time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We host most years but my mom is this year. She recently became vegetarian for animal rights reasons. Nbd, I don’t care for turkey and the vegetarian sides were always my favorite anyway. Then just last week she decides to go full on vegan. Trying to keep an open mind about it. Maybe vegan thanksgiving isn’t all that different than a vegetarian one. Guess we’ll see!

Oh man, one week’s notice? Good luck! That is tough. Vegetarian is one thing. Vegan with a WEEK’S notice is insane. Hope she likes faux chicken nuggets and vegetable sides.

Nah, Whole Foods sells a "Roast Beast" type of thing that is vegan and pretty tasty for what it is. Thaw and cook with little hassle. I made one last year before T-giving b/c I wasn't sure it would be even remotely eat-able. But it was. Savory, all the flavors you expect in a T-giving meal. It's not turkey so you all can save the "OMG I could NEVER not eat turkey, it's not the same!" But for a vegan and those a bit more tolerant to try something else rather than be ignorant about it, it's a good addition (or substitute).

I’m going to share something I read when Martha Stewart had reader questions in her magazine. She said that hosts naturally want to accommodate people, but that people with restrictive food preferences shouldn’t burden the host for a major holiday with their requests. They should bring some things they can eat or plan to eat before/after without causing a disturbance.

I’m paraphrasing, obviously, but it was a good point. I have a specific food restriction, but I never mention it. I figure it out. Because I’m an adult. I’m not going to tell the host to change their menu just for me. That’s rude.

A) I disagree with Prisoner Stewart. If you're hosting, you accommodate. Or talk to the person about how he or she can be accommodated. It's absolutely rude not to make an attempt to accommodate or speak the person about how to do it. If you cannot, you should not be hosting.

B)"Vegan" (which I'm not) is not even really THAT difficult these days. Rabbits and Wolves has about a million vegan recipes that are all pretty easy.

C) People love to pile on vegans, for some reason. I'd also learn to GTFO it. There are lots of vegans now. And their reasons for being so are just as valid as any other restriction. And it is very personal to them. Again, I am not one but I respect people who are. And it really is not that hard.
I've had the "roast beast" and it is very easy to prepare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is hosting the dinner and I was to bring my sweet potato casserole and cranberry orange bread. Fist she drops off an aluminum pan for me to use because it would be easy clean up. (I was planning on using a pretty casserole pan) Ok, then she called me yesterday to tell me not to make it because she has a lot of food and doesn’t want it(I had already purchased all the ingredients, so now I have to return everything) Now she is going on about my bread, it’s not important because it’s sweet. I’m about to lose it because she is so bossy and needs to control every little detail. Help.

You don’t have to return anything. You can make those items for yourself—I’m sure they are delicious!

Plus, you can’t return food items. Bizarre that you’d even consider returning food!

Go to Costco the day after a big holiday and watch what people return. I was behind a woman with a shopping cart full of frozen foods she didn't use for a party. She probably returned 20 or so big boxes of various appetizers.

This is trashy and pathetic behavior, similar to those who wear clothes to an event and then return them.

It's not trashy or pathetic. I want to retire young, so I will definitely return food items if they aren't used. And I also will return clothes after wearing them once and they don't look right or won't be useful again. It's smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister, who almost never hosts holiday gatherings, offered to host this year. I offered to make some things and we exchanged emails about what each of us would contribute. She deleted some of what my family wanted, e.g. roasted vegetables and corn pudding, so I added them back to the list and that apparently made them my responsibility. She asked us to bring pies in addition to the side dishes we were making. She roasted the turkey but “doesn’t like” gravy, so that was on us too.

Long story short, she made the turkey, mashed potatoes, a vegetable and a salad. We made the other 2/3 of the meal - multiple pies, corn pudding, roasted vegetables, cranberry sauce, gravy, a few other things - and transported it to her house in big Costco type boxes.

By the time we sat down, I was as tired as if I were the one hosting.

Never again.

She did more. Why the hell did you make roasted veg and corn pudding on top of everything else. Why did you make all this crap against your own will? Prepping her house and cooking was much more work and responsibility than martyr-cooking a bunch of unwanted items and sticking them in boxes. What sides did you make that were even wanted? Cranberry sauce it appears. Then she had to clean up.

I agree. Everything she made except maybe the pies are easy peasy to make.

I carry my own pillow 24-7.

[Anonymous]

I adore my parents, and I’m so glad they could stay with us for almost 2 weeks, but OMG, they each used about a million glasses/mugs every day and left them scattered all over the house. They don’t do this at their own house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adore my parents, and I’m so glad they could stay with us for almost 2 weeks, but OMG, they each used about a million glasses/mugs every day and left them scattered all over the house. They don’t do this at their own house!

So? This is so petty, Just wash them or run the dishwasher more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a new sweet potato casserole recipe. It’s savory with Gouda. So no marshmallows. My friend’s 9 year old daughter complained in front of the group and refused to try it. Instead of telling her daughter not to complain, or it you don’t have anything nice to say just don’t say it, the mom said she would make her the sweet marshmallow version tomorrow. Way to enable the rude sulk mom.

That is super rude or the mom but how dare you put gouda on sweet potatos during Thanksgiving

ugh my mom is doing this......I am so upset. Praline crusted sweet potato is a mainstay from my childhood.

Then make some this weekend. But don’t complain at dinner.

Agree it’s rude to complain at dinner, but I don’t understand why people try to get creative at Thanksgiving. There are 364 other days of the year to make new stuff. Just make what everyone expects. You can “improve” the recipe — if the old family recipe calls for margarine, but all means use butter, but at least approximate the original, for heaven’s sake.

because sometimes your family fave dishes passed down from granny Maude or Mae or Matilda are truly disgusting. Do people really like marshmallow on their sweet potatoes? REALLY? I think it’s disgusting. I also think my MIL’s stuffing made with crackly wild rice is disgusting so I made my own mashed sweet potatoes and brought my own stuffing and it was much better. Heck, even my kids agreed. It’s time to retire the jello salad, too, Sally.

Stay home grumpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore my parents, and I’m so glad they could stay with us for almost 2 weeks, but OMG, they each used about a million glasses/mugs every day and left them scattered all over the house. They don’t do this at their own house!

So? This is so petty, Just wash them or run the dishwasher more.

Indeed and petty is the entire point of this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is hosting the dinner and I was to bring my sweet potato casserole and cranberry orange bread. Fist she drops off an aluminum pan for me to use because it would be easy clean up. (I was planning on using a pretty casserole pan) Ok, then she called me yesterday to tell me not to make it because she has a lot of food and doesn’t want it(I had already purchased all the ingredients, so now I have to return everything) Now she is going on about my bread, it’s not important because it’s sweet. I’m about to lose it because she is so bossy and needs to control every little detail. Help.

You don’t have to return anything. You can make those items for yourself—I’m sure they are delicious!

Plus, you can’t return food items. Bizarre that you’d even consider returning food!

Go to Costco the day after a big holiday and watch what people return. I was behind a woman with a shopping cart full of frozen foods she didn't use for a party. She probably returned 20 or so big boxes of various appetizers.

This is trashy and pathetic behavior, similar to those who wear clothes to an event and then return them.

It's not trashy or pathetic. I want to retire young, so I will definitely return food items if they aren't used. And I also will return clothes after wearing them once and they don't look right or won't be useful again. It's smart.

You’re beyond cheap. The time to see if it “looks right” is in the dressing room. The time to think through whether it will be “useful again” is also in the dressing room. Ever hear of RENT the Runway for dresses to wear to a wedding or what have you? You are not smart, you are cheap and tacky. And I bet your clothes reflect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousins LOVE to bring extremely complicated board games over for holidays for the family to play. My kids are young and are the only kids in the family. So every year they get out some new game, the kids want to play, and they tell them to go amuse themselves because "this is a grownup game" and the kids get upset. Usually I end up playing some kids' game with them to keep them happy and I get remarks about not socializing with the extended family. Petty vent I know. I feel like they all still think of themselves as the "kids" of the family and these small people are just annoyances to be kept quiet.

Some of the most annoying and clueless adults I know are those that come over and then play a game or color with their children instead of being capable of adult conversation, not to mention encouraging their children to learn to entertain themselves for a short time.

A lot of these games are hours-long, with very complicated rules, not suitable for kids and also requiring concentration from the adult players. Gloomhaven, Diplomacy, even the Settlers expansions. It's not very considerate of the parent of small children to only bring those and insist small kids amuse themselves entirely for hours.

On the flip side, if the kids are old enough you can also try to let them play, especially for more basic games like normal Settlers.

I’m an adult and I hate those gams. They are not fun, they are work. Play Monopoly or Taboo or something, not a “ game” that requires a graduate degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adore my parents, and I’m so glad they could stay with us for almost 2 weeks, but OMG, they each used about a million glasses/mugs every day and left them scattered all over the house. They don’t do this at their own house!

Do you put them in the dishwasher the second they finish a glass so they have to get a different cup next time? My mom does that when we visit and it drives us crazy to get new glasses just for a refill of water every time. We've started just bringing large water bottles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore my parents, and I’m so glad they could stay with us for almost 2 weeks, but OMG, they each used about a million glasses/mugs every day and left them scattered all over the house. They don’t do this at their own house!

Do you put them in the dishwasher the second they finish a glass so they have to get a different cup next time? My mom does that when we visit and it drives us crazy to get new glasses just for a refill of water every time. We've started just bringing large water bottles.

Not the PP, but same. We just carry our water bottles around their house now. My kids are used to using them from school, but it feels odd to me to be using a refillable water bottle inside their house. Beats having to get a new glass every 20 minutes or so, though.