Would you date someone who lost A LOT of weight?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid 20's and lost 80 lbs and have about 30 more to lose to be in the normal range. I lost the 80 lbs in just 7 months and hope to lose the last 30 by June. I've held off on dating because I just wasn't comfortable with myself at all and also because I had been in a long term, emotionally abusive relationship with a guy who constantly called me fat, a cow, etc. and I just was so torn down that the thought of dating a guy again scared me.

I'm finally getting to a place where I feel like I may be ready but I don't know. I've had a great support system through my journey but a high school guy friend of mine told me that he'd be hesitant to date someone who lost a ton of weight because he feels like they'd eventually go back to being heavy. I'm wondering if other guys feel that way too? I also don't know if I would even want to tell a guy that I lost a lot of weight because I'm truly embarrassed I ever was that big and just don't know if I'd want new people to know that I was ever obese. So guys, what are your thoughts on this? Also, if you were dating someone, would you want to know if they had lost a ton of weight?

[Anonymous]

First, congrats on your weight loss! You should feel very proud of yourself for taking control of your health.
Some men will undoubtedly feel like your friend but not all will- maybe it's best to say something early on so you know which kind of guy you are dealing with from the start?
Plus if you have stretch marks/saggy skin the fact that you've undergone a weight transformation may be apparent so there is no use trying to hide it.
Just because some people may not approve of a certain aspect of you does not mean you need to apologize for it. You've come a long way.
Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, congrats on your weight loss! You should feel very proud of yourself for taking control of your health.
Some men will undoubtedly feel like your friend but not all will- maybe it's best to say something early on so you know which kind of guy you are dealing with from the start?
Plus if you have stretch marks/saggy skin the fact that you've undergone a weight transformation may be apparent so there is no use trying to hide it.
Just because some people may not approve of a certain aspect of you does not mean you need to apologize for it. You've come a long way.
Best of luck to you.

OP here: thank you for your kind words! I got pretty lucky and don't have that large amount of saggy skin or stretch marks that someone usually has after losing a lot of weight. I was lucky to work with a friend who is a personal trainer and he helped me immensely with workouts that would cause the least amount of saggy skin. I definitely have some toning to do to make things look better but I am happy with my results so far. I just hope to eventually be able to find a really supportive guy who won't judge me for my past.

[Anonymous]

you will- I did. And I have gained back some of the weights after 2 kids, and even though he met me smaller- he doesnt seem to care. BTW, I dated many guys when I was thin and none of them seemed to care that I used to be obese.

[Anonymous]

PP here- that is great! There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to find a guy who won't judge you on your past. Your first step though is not to judge yourself about it. I know it's easier said than done, but you've really got to forgive yourself for letting things get so out of hand. Everyone has issues, you just happened to literally wear yours on your body, others may drink or smoke or insert vice here. There is no reason that this issue that you have under control should mess up the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't need to tell someone you are just dating and getting to know anything about your personal history , weight or otherwise
A PP said it well, everyone has their issues and you need to give yourself a big break
I think your "friend" was out of line , and his sentiments reflect more on him and his issues than on you
On a personal note , I have been up and down the scale about 50 pounds and my husband has been with me through ....wait for it ....thick and thin , and that is a sign of a good partner

[Anonymous]

I'm sad that you feel like you have to feel ashamed of the shape your body has had at some point. You will probably want to work on developing a self-esteem that is not based on appearance before you try to have a relationship. Also, when you have lost weight so drastically so quickly, that is not "taking control of your health", as a person stated above: it is in most cases demonstrably unhealthy. Gaining back te weight is much worse than staying fat in the first place, so please try to slow the pace of loss and develop something that is sustainable in the long run so that you don't gain weight back and end up in a worse place.

Good luck to you. The best guy to find would be someone who would love you and see your worth at any size. They are out there.

[Anonymous]

Well, I had lost 50 lbs and looked amazing for several years. Met a handsome man and married him. Started to gain weight back slowly and eventually gained most of it back. After 2 kids and a decade it was not so easy to lose it a second time. Told me I was not attractive to him and he left, yep. I didn't realize I married someone who is thoroughly disgusted by fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 20's and lost 80 lbs and have about 30 more to lose to be in the normal range. I lost the 80 lbs in just 7 months and hope to lose the last 30 by June. I've held off on dating because I just wasn't comfortable with myself at all and also because I had been in a long term, emotionally abusive relationship with a guy who constantly called me fat, a cow, etc. and I just was so torn down that the thought of dating a guy again scared me.

I'm finally getting to a place where I feel like I may be ready but I don't know. I've had a great support system through my journey but a high school guy friend of mine told me that he'd be hesitant to date someone who lost a ton of weight because he feels like they'd eventually go back to being heavy. I'm wondering if other guys feel that way too? I also don't know if I would even want to tell a guy that I lost a lot of weight because I'm truly embarrassed I ever was that big and just don't know if I'd want new people to know that I was ever obese. So guys, what are your thoughts on this? Also, if you were dating someone, would you want to know if they had lost a ton of weight?

it shows tremendous strength to have been able to lose the weight, and I think that reflects positively on your character.

[Anonymous]

OP, believe it of not, we are interested in who you are now, not whether you used to weigh alot or wore thick glasses or had crooked teeth or........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad that you feel like you have to feel ashamed of the shape your body has had at some point. You will probably want to work on developing a self-esteem that is not based on appearance before you try to have a relationship. Also, when you have lost weight so drastically so quickly, that is not "taking control of your health", as a person stated above: it is in most cases demonstrably unhealthy. Gaining back te weight is much worse than staying fat in the first place, so please try to slow the pace of loss and develop something that is sustainable in the long run so that you don't gain weight back and end up in a worse place.

Good luck to you. The best guy to find would be someone who would love you and see your worth at any size. They are out there.

OP here: thank you for your advice! I actually didn't do anything drastic to lose it so quick. I pretty much cut out all the crap I was eating and drinking and just ate veggies and lean protein and fruits and nuts and started out just doing 20 minutes a day on the elliptical and it just fell off so quickly. I'm having my friend help with personal training because I want to focus on burning fat and gaining muscle and doing it as healthy as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, believe it of not, we are interested in who you are now, not whether you used to weigh alot or wore thick glasses or had crooked teeth or........

OP here: thank you!

[Anonymous]

Intend to hide photos forever?

[Anonymous]

You should know that you are a very strong woman! It takes a lot to work on yourself like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad that you feel like you have to feel ashamed of the shape your body has had at some point. You will probably want to work on developing a self-esteem that is not based on appearance before you try to have a relationship. Also, when you have lost weight so drastically so quickly, that is not "taking control of your health", as a person stated above: it is in most cases demonstrably unhealthy. Gaining back te weight is much worse than staying fat in the first place, so please try to slow the pace of loss and develop something that is sustainable in the long run so that you don't gain weight back and end up in a worse place.

Good luck to you. The best guy to find would be someone who would love you and see your worth at any size. They are out there.

OP here: thank you for your advice! I actually didn't do anything drastic to lose it so quick. I pretty much cut out all the crap I was eating and drinking and just ate veggies and lean protein and fruits and nuts and started out just doing 20 minutes a day on the elliptical and it just fell off so quickly. I'm having my friend help with personal training because I want to focus on burning fat and gaining muscle and doing it as healthy as possible.

PP here. I'm glad you are not doing anything drastic. It would be great if you can keep it off. You may be familiar with studies that show that this is unlikely. I'm not saying this to discourage you. Some people DO manage against all odds to keep it off, and I hope you will because (as you have demonstrated yourself, sadly) fatness is so terribly maligned in our society that I don't wish it on anyone, even though I know it is not a measure of strength or willpower or character.

As a PP - not me - mentioned above, some people who will love you at this weight will be disgusted by you in a differently shaped body. Beware of those people. Sadly, you are one yourself. You need to be someone who will love yourself no matter what, even if despite all efforts you are fat again someday. You are worthy of love no matter what your shape is. Believe it yourself and you may find someone who also does. That's who you marry, not someone to whom you can never show pictures of you at a different size.