Would you date someone who lost A LOT of weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intend to hide photos forever?

What is your problem? Are you struggling with losing weight or you are one of those obnoxious haters?

[Anonymous]

OP - That is quite an accomplishment - to lose that huge amount of weight. Congratulations!

Your post struck a chord with me because I too lost a lot of weight, and I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend of a year. I guess that says a lot about the state of the relationship...

[Anonymous]

Congratulations OP on your weight loss!! What a huge loss!!

I am so jealous!

Regarding dating, I think it is irrelevant to your current dating life that you were previously obese + that now you are not.

I mean, it is fine if you decide to disclose it to any guys you date now, but it really should be a non-issue at this point.

What needs to be the focus now is the current YOU, not the past YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intend to hide photos forever?

OP here: Even though you are being an ass, I'll still respond.

I honestly don't have that many pictures of me from over the last 3+ years. I started to hate pictures of myself more and more and would REFUSE to be in them or let anyone take pictures of them. So while it wouldn't be hard to "hide photos", I honestly just don't have that many in general which is really sad. I missed out on so many captured memories because I was embarassed about how I looked.

[Anonymous]

OP, first congrats on your achievement. At the gym I go to I often see quite overweight people who are trying to work-out and I am often tempted to say something supportive to them but refrain from doing so in case it comes across as patronizing.

With regard to your specific question, I think it varies with the guy and those who do place emphasis on being with a woman who becomes fat is not necessarily a reflection on them. People just have different expectations. And you will never know for sure until you are in the position of having to confront it. I have a friend who told his wife that if she put on a lot of weight for non-medical reasons it would affect their relationship for sure. So she is diligent about working out - as is he and although they are in their fifties they have the same bodies they had when they were in their thirties.

Your challenge is just to make sure that you don't regain the weight - which is a distinct possibility given what happens to most people. I would suggest that you follow a rule after you get to your target weight that if you ever gain five pounds over your target weight you immediately take steps to bring it down back to target. It is not difficult to lose five pounds ........ it is a real struggle to lose twenty pounds especially as you get older and you have had children. So it is better to nip it in the bud when weight gain starts rather than wait until it gets to be a real challenge.

[Anonymous]

If he ever makes derogatory comments about fat people, like assuming you'll agree, RUN.

[Anonymous]

OP. I hope you find a fabulous person to date and marry. Having the discipline to take of so much weight is great

[Anonymous]

I married my DH because he knew me and had time for me when I was fat. I had lost about 40 pounds when we started dating, and 90 pounds by the wedding. But he knew me at my worst, so he knew where it could go again.

But don't out yourself down because you have stretch marks or loose skin. Be you know and be confident. People enjoy being around non-negative people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad that you feel like you have to feel ashamed of the shape your body has had at some point. You will probably want to work on developing a self-esteem that is not based on appearance before you try to have a relationship. Also, when you have lost weight so drastically so quickly, that is not "taking control of your health", as a person stated above: it is in most cases demonstrably unhealthy. Gaining back te weight is much worse than staying fat in the first place, so please try to slow the pace of loss and develop something that is sustainable in the long run so that you don't gain weight back and end up in a worse place.

Good luck to you. The best guy to find would be someone who would love you and see your worth at any size. They are out there.

OP here: thank you for your advice! I actually didn't do anything drastic to lose it so quick. I pretty much cut out all the crap I was eating and drinking and just ate veggies and lean protein and fruits and nuts and started out just doing 20 minutes a day on the elliptical and it just fell off so quickly. I'm having my friend help with personal training because I want to focus on burning fat and gaining muscle and doing it as healthy as possible.

PP here. I'm glad you are not doing anything drastic. It would be great if you can keep it off. You may be familiar with studies that show that this is unlikely. I'm not saying this to discourage you. Some people DO manage against all odds to keep it off, and I hope you will because (as you have demonstrated yourself, sadly) fatness is so terribly maligned in our society that I don't wish it on anyone, even though I know it is not a measure of strength or willpower or character.

As a PP - not me - mentioned above, some people who will love you at this weight will be disgusted by you in a differently shaped body. Beware of those people. Sadly, you are one yourself. You need to be someone who will love yourself no matter what, even if despite all efforts you are fat again someday. You are worthy of love no matter what your shape is. Believe it yourself and you may find someone who also does. That's who you marry, not someone to whom you can never show pictures of you at a different size.

Stop bring an asshole. My DH lost 80lbs 10 years ago. He has his resting heart rate down to 42. He went to a new doctor last week who asked him if he had been a professional athlete. He's muscular and you could wash clothes off his abs. Not bad for a 48yr old.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of shallow, judgmental people out there. I was married to one. Long story short, he did a number on me. When i finally got myself together and 70 lbs down, I put myself out there and started dating again. The next guy I date and fall for, super awesome guy. I drop hints about the weight thing and e is appalled it's even an issue for anyone. He was proud of me for losing, understands bodies change and doesn't give a shit. It was so refreshing. He and I didn't work out in the end for other reasons. But now I know, that when and if I meet the man I will be in a relationship with, he has to be like him. Understanding, compassionate and likes me for me, not just how I look.

[Anonymous]

You should have no trouble finding dates. Please do not "hide" your past from somebody.
In fact, you should discuss this exact topic because I think it is important to be with a partner who agrees with your views on weight.
Some men simply are not bothered if a girl they are with gains weight, while other men will lose their attraction.
Neither one is "right" or "wrong" it is just a fact and the only thing that matters is that YOU and YOUR partner agree.

The exact same is true of women: some are not attracted to overweight men, even her own husband, this does not make her a bad person or "shallow" that is just how some people are.

[Anonymous]

Your perspecie is interesting to me I've lost 50 lbs a few years ago. I'm so proud, I tell my story to anyone who will listen. I have my fat picture smack on my fridge. If a guy didn't want to be with me because I used to be 50lbs heavier, I seriously would THANK him for being such a shallow pick so I dodged a bullet. I'm proud, I'm fit, I'm happy, and nobody is going to rain on my party. Fuck em

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound awesome. Whether you are heavy or not, someone great will see that.

It is also true, you may find some guys who are shallow, but you seem smart enough to me to know which guys to spend time with and which to get rid of. Don't be too hard on yourself - this is not a shameful secret to hide (though I agree with other PPs who said it may be better to tell your weight loss story once you know someone and trust them a bit more after a few dates or so). Think about what skeletons you could have (and what other people out there you may meet and date may have) -- this is super low on that spectrum.

Keep up the awesome work - you are inspirational!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on your weight loss.

For me, it would depend on the person. I'm a (female) daily exerciser who tends not to be attracted to heavier people (I don't trend toward skinny-minnies either - just normal bodies in decent shape.) My concern would be how and why they gained weight in the first place and how and why they lost it. If they have disordered eating patterns because of emotional issues and childhood baggage, something could trigger that and it would start up again.

I'm also not the most supportive person when it comes to diets - I think people should eat reasonably and exercise, and one of my dealbreakers is someone who has a million restrictions on what they can/will eat, because it makes going out to dinner (which I love) an exercise in futility and irritation.

So you would need to avoid (a) foodies, and (b) people who tend not to be attracted toward heavier people. And (c) people who spend a lot of time in the gym or who are very controlling about their own calories, unless it's because they themselves have lost weight.

Some people just don't care about weight that much. My brother is one of those people - he's a lean, in-shape (good-looking) guy who married a heavier woman. Her weight has fluctuated and he doesn't really seem to care either way. And my friend J - who is athletic and active but very heavy - married a skinny guy who started out fat and lost a bunch. He is cool with her being heavier.