I Don't Ow You an Account of How I Spend My Time

[Anonymous]

That is what my DH told me today. I am away on a 10 day business trip and I am worried sick about coming home to a house that is a wreck. I know my DH is not keeping up with cleaning, etc. I asked him today whether he managed to caulk the bathtub at our rental property this afternoon, since he told me he was there on other business. He said no, it wasn't in his plan when he went there and he didn't have the tools with him. I know he left work today at 3:30 pm and he came home at almost 6 pm. When I mentioned the tub, he told me I keep adding things to his "to do list" and it is getting longer than he can keep up with it. He had two hours at least between leaving work and coming home to do that tub. He said instead he was busy with other business, but he couldn't specify. He then told me that he doesn't have to account for his time to me. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is what my DH told me today. I am away on a 10 day business trip and I am worried sick about coming home to a house that is a wreck. I know my DH is not keeping up with cleaning, etc. I asked him today whether he managed to caulk the bathtub at our rental property this afternoon, since he told me he was there on other business. He said no, it wasn't in his plan when he went there and he didn't have the tools with him. I know he left work today at 3:30 pm and he came home at almost 6 pm. When I mentioned the tub, he told me I keep adding things to his "to do list" and it is getting longer than he can keep up with it. He had two hours at least between leaving work and coming home to do that tub. He said instead he was busy with other business, but he couldn't specify. He then told me that he doesn't have to account for his time to me. WTF?

You sound like you want to micro-manage him from a distance. Not a good idea.

Normally, I'd think the statement you ascribed to your DH was rude, but in the context of your post it kind of makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I'm not usually one to throw this out, but I'm start wondering about an affair.

[Anonymous]

So sound like a nag. Chill out

[Anonymous]

Thank god I am not married to you. You are completely wound. You are on a trip and stressing over whether husband is keeping up with the cleaning. WTF is right, as in WTF is wrong with you ?

Gratitude - practice it or I suspect you will be living alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank god I am not married to you. You are completely wound. You are on a trip and stressing over whether husband is keeping up with the cleaning. WTF is right, as in WTF is wrong with you ?

Gratitude - practice it or I suspect you will be living alone.

This.

[Anonymous]

I know he left work today at 3:30 pm and he came home at almost 6 pm.

Traffic has been a nightmare today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank god I am not married to you. You are completely wound. You are on a trip and stressing over whether husband is keeping up with the cleaning. WTF is right, as in WTF is wrong with you ?

Gratitude - practice it or I suspect you will be living alone.

This.

+2

OP, you might want to re-examine your attitude. I'm female, and I agree with pps. Your his partner, not his mom.

[Anonymous]

His Mom let's him get away with doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

He was probably meeting with his divorce attorney. Can't imagine how miserable it must be being married to you.

[Anonymous]

Be careful about overloading him with stuff to do. When I need my DH to do things I just put it on our shared family google calendar so the phone popus a reminder. It seems to work. Also, he should be open with telling you what and what he has been doing. If he isn't hiding anything he ought to be able to tell you what he was doing. At the same time you don't want to be over the top about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful about overloading him with stuff to do. When I need my DH to do things I just put it on our shared family google calendar so the phone popus a reminder. It seems to work. Also, he should be open with telling you what and what he has been doing. If he isn't hiding anything he ought to be able to tell you what he was doing. At the same time you don't want to be over the top about it.

True, he should be able to. However, it sounds like OP is a micromanaging nagger and I'm sure he's avoiding telling her he relaxed because she'll lose her shit. I can't imagine being stuck with such a controlling spouse who wanted me to account for exactly what I did in a 3 hr time span. If this was a husband writing in about his wife, everyone would be calling him a controlling asshole.

[Anonymous]

Concentrrate on your work trip, op.

Consider scheduling a maid to come in the day before your trip ends so that you come home to a clean house.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, maybe get a cleaning service and a handyman instead of having your DH do it.

[Anonymous]

I am away on a 10 day business trip and I am worried sick about coming home to a house that is a wreck.

do you have kids? if so and he's caring for them while you're gone, drop the cleaning.

even if you don't, it seems odd to be "worried sick" about a messy house. So what. Come home, clean it together or hire someone. Unless this is an ongoing problem in that he does nothing ever around the house, I don't see why you should be so upset, nor how you "know" he's not keeping up with the cleaning (are you watching from a nanny cam or something?)

and. the fact that you demanded an accounting of time between 3:30 and 6 pm while you are on a business trip is...NUTS. I would have the same reaction as your DH. He does not owe you a blow by blow account of every single minute.

this is how it should work: you're both adult, and you more or less figure out what your responsibilities are, and don't micromanage the other person. If one person frequently shirks their responsibilities, then its time for mature discussion. otherwise, let it go.