Talking to DD about classmate with Downs Syndrome

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a classmate with Downs Syndrome in her prek4 class - and I was disturbed about how she was talking about him and not sure the best way to dispel it. She actually mind of mimics him - saying Child is always going (stares up at the ceiling) or Child just says 'blah blah blah'. Our nanny said that the kids in the class talking about how Child is 'like a 2 year old'.

We have some good Berenstain Bears-ish language about respecting others and not teasing and so forth generally - but I would genuinely appreciate advice on the best way to talk to her to describe that Child has differences (as everyone does) and how to behave in a respectful way.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

Well said.

[Anonymous]

I'd treat the situation like my kid was bullying any other kid, special needs or not. You don't dismiss people, you don't make fun of people.

You also don't make fun of people handicaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

I like most of what you said, but I don't like calling some people "weak" and other people "strong." Instead, you can talk about how some things come easily to people and some things are more difficult for people. What are some things that are easy for you, Larla? What are some things that are more difficult for you where you still need help? What are some things Teddy is good at? What are some things Teddy needs help with?

[Anonymous]

I would specifically point out to her that you expect her to grow up to be a kind adult, and that being kind and loving is something that people with Downs are very, very good at. They have problems in other areas of their lives, but they are pretty much kind to everyone in the world, and are especially loving to their families and friends. They make great friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

I like most of what you said, but I don't like calling some people "weak" and other people "strong." Instead, you can talk about how some things come easily to people and some things are more difficult for people. What are some things that are easy for you, Larla? What are some things that are more difficult for you where you still need help? What are some things Teddy is good at? What are some things Teddy needs help with?

I agree you don't use strong vs. weak as people. I also don't think that OP's kid is engaging in typical "mean girl" behavior. Kids may not genuinely understand the differences and in some cases think they are funny.

We talk about how some people's brains work differently, so he may say or do things differently. Your DD wouldn't like it someone made fun of how she did something, so the same applies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

It's great that you're thinking of this, but please don't use "weak" in relation to people with disabilities and don't imply that people without visible disabilities are "strong." I would much rather take an "everyone is different" approach, without introducing terms of value and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

It's great that you're thinking of this, but please don't use "weak" in relation to people with disabilities and don't imply that people without visible disabilities are "strong." I would much rather take an "everyone is different" approach, without introducing terms of value and judgment.

I think that your point about weak is valid. But you are missing the point. The point is not that people with disabilities are weak and people without are strong. The point is to say that this kindergartner has a strong body. That kid. And to empower her to care for others and watch over them, not be mean. Also, I find the "everyone is different" approach to be confusing and demeaning to young children. They know that people with disabilities are not just "different" like blue eyed and brown eyed people. It's silly to pretend.

[Anonymous]

Please let the teacher know so that the school counselor can come in and speak to the whole class about "being a good friend'.

[Anonymous]

I would treat this as a "teachable moment." I would tell her you are glad she told you about this and ask her how she feels inside when she talks about another child this way and mimics him. If she's clueless, let her know why this is inappropriate, unacceptable and cruel.

I would also tell her we are all different in some ways and alike in other ways. Tell her once again that we need to treat everyone with respect. I would also encourage her to try to get to know her classmate as a person.

If she says "he can't do blah blah" then suggest that she cheer him on or maybe ask him if he wants help. Remind her she has things she can't do too. Ask her how she felt when she was first learning something.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I think it's more her being clueless and trying to understand differences and she is trying to process it. Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it and obviously want to raise a kind daughter. I talked with her about how people's bodies work different and how it can take classmate a little longer to learn things and to be respectful - and using the teachable moment that it's not nice to copy how other people act and how it would make her sad if people did that to her. I love the 'being a good friend' language & will reinforce that and the copying - and am going to raise it at teacher conference next week that it sounded like it was becoming a wider class issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to do two things.

You need to talk to your child about mean girl behavior in general. Imitating people isn't nice. It isn't a matter of this child having DS. We don't mimic people. We don't talk about their behavior. We don't laugh at their conduct.

And you need to have a word with the teacher about how this child is being treated.

If you want to talk to your child about disability, I recommend saying something like "Your body is strong. Not everyone has a strong body like you. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people like Teddy have Down Syndrome. Some people are weak and need your help. What are some ways that you can be helpful to people who need your help?"

It's great that you're thinking of this, but please don't use "weak" in relation to people with disabilities and don't imply that people without visible disabilities are "strong." I would much rather take an "everyone is different" approach, without introducing terms of value and judgment.

I think that your point about weak is valid. But you are missing the point. The point is not that people with disabilities are weak and people without are strong. The point is to say that this kindergartner has a strong body. That kid. And to empower her to care for others and watch over them, not be mean. Also, I find the "everyone is different" approach to be confusing and demeaning to young children. They know that people with disabilities are not just "different" like blue eyed and brown eyed people. It's silly to pretend.

But if you're saying that this language is okay because it's specific to this case, that's no good either. DS isn't a physical disability, necessarily. The kid with DS doesn't necessarily have a "weak" body -- he just has a mind that learns things differently.

[Anonymous]

I liked the distinction of people's bodies work differently vs. that 'everyone's different'.

[Anonymous]

OP - I do think that if this child with DS is the only child with a disability in the pre-K class that the teacher should have taken the lead in introducing through social stories and even appropriate level books which one can find in the local library about learning difference or "differing abilities" as is sometimes used with a wide variety of disabilities. Nowadays, one is apt to see students with mobility devices, visual impairments, hearing systems in the classroom. DS is different and children become aware earlier because the child with DS has different physical features as well as perhaps functioning as your child has aptly described 'like a 2 year old" in perhaps a class of 4 year olds. It is is about explaining differences in learning rates, but also that one with a disability is not so different from other children. Being kind to any person if not always understanding the differences is key.