What is wrong with me that people see me this way?

[Anonymous]

I am crushed and a little numb right now because one of my colleagues, who is a bit combative, told me last week that I am regarded as a pathological liar. He kept bringing up examples of little things I'd shared about my childhood/life (in conversations when everyone was sharing these things) and saying things like, "Come on, that really throws your credibility into question." I asked someone else who I trust, and it turns out that yes, the gossip about me is that I have a lying problem and lie constantly. But it isn't true! I DID have a somewhat unusual childhood due to my parents' overseas job posts, but there are hundreds/thousands of other families who lived the same way. So apparently, people have been asking me questions about my past experiences under the pretense of interest, but really because they have all been laughing behind my back about my lies (which are not lies!). Apparently even one of my supervisors believes that I am a pathological liar(!).

I don't know what to do about it, and I'm so, so hurt. I had really regarded one of those people as my friend, and I also learned that she had been sharing more personal details I'd shared only with her as further examples of my pathological lies. Should I even attempt to address this with the group/colleagues? To me, it seems very childish to do something like that, but I am so hurt/mortified now that I can't see how I can act normally around them now.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I have had a similar experience in that I grew up very poor in the ghetto (food insecurity, inconsistent power/heat, drug dealer gun battles) but attended an excellent private school. People assume I'm lying to get sympathy when really I am telling the truth. It IS crushing.

[Anonymous]

I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

*I'D directly say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

Completely agree. You have to be calm and conversational, not upset or confrontational.

[Anonymous]

My advice is: (1) Stop talking about your childhood. Never ever mention it again. To anyone at work. (2) If anyone ever tries to get you to bring it up or asks questions, say something like "You guys have too much time on your hands" and roll your eyes and walk away. (3) Concentrate on your work performance, and making sure that everything you do at work is completely transparent, aboveboard, and that all your client interactions are 100% stellar. If the clients know you to be honest and trustworthy, this is a silly brouhaha that will blow over.

P.S. Your supervisor is unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

Actually this is a good idea, especially the part about staying calm and unemotional, but I'd quickly shift it to the work at hand. THAT is the most important piece.

"It's come to my attention that some of you have been talking behind my back with regards to childhood events I've shared. Because of my parents' jobs, we moved around the world quite a bit, which is not typical for most families. Whether you choose to believe that the events happened is your prerogative. What is most important is the work that I do here. If you have any problems or questions about the work I do here, I ask that you act professionally and respectfully by speaking with me directly."

Then do NOT engage in any more chit chat about personal events. If folks are sharing around the water cooler, simply smile and keep quiet. Keep a low profile. Do your work and do it well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

Actually this is a good idea, especially the part about staying calm and unemotional, but I'd quickly shift it to the work at hand. THAT is the most important piece.

"It's come to my attention that some of you have been talking behind my back with regards to childhood events I've shared. Because of my parents' jobs, we moved around the world quite a bit, which is not typical for most families. Whether you choose to believe that the events happened is your prerogative. What is most important is the work that I do here. If you have any problems or questions about the work I do here, I ask that you act professionally and respectfully by speaking with me directly."

Then do NOT engage in any more chit chat about personal events. If folks are sharing around the water cooler, simply smile and keep quiet. Keep a low profile. Do your work and do it well.

I think that is too defensive and long. I like PP's more succinct question and if a brief follow-up is required you can say something like "I was really shocked to hear that you all don't believe me. It may sound unusual, but it's much more common than you think." Keep it short and sweet.

I believe that eventually the truth reveals itself. Stay above the fray and people will eventually realize it.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one. I think I need to know more about what made your childhood so unusual that they think you are lying. If you're an army brat who has lived in a few different countries and they think you are lying, then I agree with PPs' advice not to try to prove it. But if it's more along the lines of your parents were sideshow acts and you traveled with the circus, if you have something that will very simply and clearly erase any doubt (say, a copy of a program with you on the cover), I might show it to the person you considered your friend. Because no matter how calm you are -- and yes, you absolutely shkukd be super calm -- they are unfortunately probably going to still think you are lying unless you prove otherwise. I just feel like you must have had a pretty outlandish set of experiences for that many people go think you're lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

Actually this is a good idea, especially the part about staying calm and unemotional, but I'd quickly shift it to the work at hand. THAT is the most important piece.

"It's come to my attention that some of you have been talking behind my back with regards to childhood events I've shared. Because of my parents' jobs, we moved around the world quite a bit, which is not typical for most families. Whether you choose to believe that the events happened is your prerogative. What is most important is the work that I do here. If you have any problems or questions about the work I do here, I ask that you act professionally and respectfully by speaking with me directly."

Then do NOT engage in any more chit chat about personal events. If folks are sharing around the water cooler, simply smile and keep quiet. Keep a low profile. Do your work and do it well.

This sort of speech is NOT going to be received well. This is not on others' minds. It's on OP's mind. Let it die.

[Anonymous]

Stop sharing personal stories at work ever. Save it for your non work friends. Don't bother sharing your hurt feelings. You have no emotional credibility either. You have every reason to be hurt. Keep a low profile and act totally normal and professional. Eventually it will die down and you you can rebuild your credibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would address it. I mean your supervisor 's in on it. But you must address it CALMLY. No crying and 'I'm so hurt's. If directly say, 'so I've been informed you guys think I'm lying about my childhood. Why is that?' Then I'd calmly explain that lots of people have had similar experiences. However, I would NOT attempt to prove things to them by bringing in baby pictures , people who could vouch for me , etc. I would end with a firm, 'We can agree to disagree ' or 'I was there, you were not'.

Again, you must sound CALM and assertive. They already think you're a pathological liar. You don't want to add emotional/crazy to the list-not in a work environ.

Actually this is a good idea, especially the part about staying calm and unemotional, but I'd quickly shift it to the work at hand. THAT is the most important piece.

"It's come to my attention that some of you have been talking behind my back with regards to childhood events I've shared. Because of my parents' jobs, we moved around the world quite a bit, which is not typical for most families. Whether you choose to believe that the events happened is your prerogative. What is most important is the work that I do here. If you have any problems or questions about the work I do here, I ask that you act professionally and respectfully by speaking with me directly."

Then do NOT engage in any more chit chat about personal events. If folks are sharing around the water cooler, simply smile and keep quiet. Keep a low profile. Do your work and do it well.

I think that is too defensive and long. I like PP's more succinct question and if a brief follow-up is required you can say something like "I was really shocked to hear that you all don't believe me. It may sound unusual, but it's much more common than you think." Keep it short and sweet.

I believe that eventually the truth reveals itself. Stay above the fray and people will eventually realize it.

+1. And next time someone tries to bait you into telling a story, just smile and say, "I hear you guys think I'm making all this up - so funny, because I actually did just have an unusual upbringing. It's OK if you don't believe me, though." Then walk away.

[Anonymous]

OP, it hurts.

My previous boss said this: I am here to work, not to make friends. I found it useful I had to deal with difficult people or situation.

[Anonymous]

Can you get proof of what it is that's in question? If not, just make sure your work performance is excellent.

[Anonymous]

As hard as it is, I wouldn't directly address it -- just remain super professional and focused on your work and never share anything personal with your colleagues again. Distance yourself from your "friend" who has been talking about you behind your back. It will die down on its own.

I do think you might consider talking to your supervisor, however -- you can clear the air (in the calm, unemotional way PPs described) and hopefully that will put an end to this.