What is wrong with me that people see me this way?

[Anonymous]

I totally feel for you, OP. Let me share my personal experience with you: At my old company, I came in and immediately got assigned upper level work. I am a super friendly person and was really nice to the two girls who had been working there before me, but they just seemed like ice to me. To complete matters, they seemed to have serious problem with my eating habits. I am fairly small (5'5, 120 pounds) and regularly eat salads for lunch (I'm gluten free so I generally make like a deconstructed sandwich, loaded salad). They basically accused me of anorexia, making incredibly snide comments to the point that I felt self conscious and started leaving the office for lunch just so I wouldnt be judged. Anyway, my boss asked me to retrieve something from his email, and while I was in his email I found old emails from those two basically complaining that I didnt deserve the work I was getting and one of the girls in particular would be much more competent at it. Well, one of the girls was fired shortly after I found that email. And the other one stayed at the company even after I left, but soon after I departed she started posting to her Facebook that she had gone "full Paleo" and was basically eating a MUCH stricter diet than I ever had. No bread, no sugar, no flour, etc. And still, years on, she likes to post pics of her food and weight loss pics.

(I know this story will probably be jumped on by DCUMers as annoying humble bragging but I really dont care because it's the kind of story I would have wanted to hear when I was going through this). Now, this really annoyed me when it all happened. And I was CRUSHED, absolutely devastated, when I came across those emails. (It was my first real job out of college). But it's funny how karma works- when you go around the office being a shit stirrer, generally people notice. People are more transparent than they think. If you continue to do a good job, continue to stay positive, it's funny how it will all come out in the wash and people's true intentions are revealed. Now that I have some distance from the situation, I can recognize it quite clearly for what it was: jealousy. Now, it's unfortunate that we, as women, are taught that one of us cannot succeed without screwing someone else over, that necessarily if one person is getting upper level work/ being skinny that means the others can't. But we are, and it's, in my opinion, a consequence of internalized miogyny. There are also just flat out mean people out there who can't stand the idea of someone doing well.

Lesson learned: karma WILL bite shit-stirrers in the ass. Keep your head and keep smiling.

With that being said, if someone tries to broach the topic of your childhood, DONT. Even if it's someone new. Keep in mind that anyone in that office who has talked shit about you has therefore LOST THE PRIVELEGE of getting to hear the interesting stories of your childhood. As Maya Angelous said, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Now you know the truth- they are shitstirrers, not worthy of getting to hear your fascinating and unique antidotes. Maybe they're jealous because they grew up in some God-awful boring place outside Baltimore (Gaithersburg comes to mind- shudders). Whatever the reason, now you now what to expect. Be glad to whoever was dumb enough to tell you about the shit talking- they have given you a huge gift of knowledge. Now your part in this is going to become having self control. No matter if everyone is bonding or having fun, DO NOT succumb to the urge to open up. Whatever it takes, keep your mouth shut. I wouldnt even directly confront them, because you dont want any office drama. And tbh, they didnt give you that courtesy- for months they talked behind your back without telling you directly, so you dont owe them the chance to explain themselves. If someone says, "hey, OP, what about you? Where did you say you lived for middle school again?" Or whatever, just say, "Oh, you guys wouldnt want to hear about boring me. it's not as interesting, I assure you." And give them a little smile. I promise you this will annoy the living shit out of them but there's nothing they can do. Keep it positive and just refuse to engage.

And really- take it as a compliment. Since they spend so much time talking about you, you might consider autographing some photos of yourself and passing them out to the shittalkers. It seems youve become a celeb to them.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing 1 upper as well.

[Anonymous]

OP, some people are like this no matter what. You can be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. They look for trouble where there is none, they are threatened by you, professionally. You can't help them. You are not here to help them. It is only a matter of time before they discredit themselves.

ITA with PPs - do not engage about your personal life. They are doing it for fodder for gossip; to detract from their pathetic existence. Don't engage.

You have gotten some good retorts on here. Make it their problem.

[Anonymous]

With that being said, if someone tries to broach the topic of your childhood, DONT. Even if it's someone new. Keep in mind that anyone in that office who has talked shit about you has therefore LOST THE PRIVELEGE of getting to hear the interesting stories of your childhood. As Maya Angelous said, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Now you know the truth- they are shitstirrers, not worthy of getting to hear your fascinating and unique antidotes. Maybe they're jealous because they grew up in some God-awful boring place outside Baltimore (Gaithersburg comes to mind- shudders). Whatever the reason, now you now what to expect. Be glad to whoever was dumb enough to tell you about the shit talking- they have given you a huge gift of knowledge. Now your part in this is going to become having self control. No matter if everyone is bonding or having fun, DO NOT succumb to the urge to open up. Whatever it takes, keep your mouth shut. I wouldnt even directly confront them, because you dont want any office drama. And tbh, they didnt give you that courtesy- for months they talked behind your back without telling you directly, so you dont owe them the chance to explain themselves. If someone says, "hey, OP, what about you? Where did you say you lived for middle school again?" Or whatever, just say, "Oh, you guys wouldnt want to hear about boring me. it's not as interesting, I assure you." And give them a little smile. I promise you this will annoy the living shit out of them but there's nothing they can do. Keep it positive and just refuse to engage.

And really- take it as a compliment. Since they spend so much time talking about you, you might consider autographing some photos of yourself and passing them out to the shittalkers. It seems youve become a celeb to them.


If someone says, "hey, OP, what about you? Where did you say you lived for middle school again?" Or whatever, just say, "Oh, you guys wouldnt want to hear about boring me. it's not as interesting, I assure you." And give them a little smile. I promise you this will annoy the living shit out of them but there's nothing they can do.

I love that. Lets them know you are on to them without spelling it out.

[Anonymous]

Linda is that you?