12 yr old DS freaking out about a physical exam? WTH!?

[Anonymous]

DS has off of school for election day and was talking about someplace he wants to go during the day. I told him fine -- you have a drs. appointment first thing in the morning for a physical and then we have the whole day to go out. He is freaking out. I know he hates physicals and this is typically a battle, but never like this -- usually he's a bit miserable and complains but we make him go through with it and that's that. He needs one for winter sports (and bc it's been a yr and he needs a flu shot too). I know the issue is the testicle check bc he said it. I'm not entirely certain what they do at this age as I was out of the room last year, so I'm not sure if it's just "turn your head and cough" or if it's also feeling the testicles for bumps; and in the prior years when I was in the room, I was making sure not to look.

I know he freaked out with the dr. last year. The dr told me after that he was just worked up about it, which makes it take forever and then he gets more worked up bc it's taking forever. Don't know exactly but I think he was just moving away, pushing the drs' hands away etc. He has seen this dr for the last 5-6 yrs and otherwise likes him, says he's cool, chats with him etc. and has said he doesn't want to see someone else.

So ever since I mentioned the appointment this afternoon -- it's been screaming and yelling, getting sent to his room and being fine, the topic comes up later -- stomping, yelling he won't go etc. Seems like an overkill but I also don't know what to do about it. DH and I have both tried to be reasonable and said -- we know you don't like it, no one does but it's important; offered for him to see a different dr; assured him that he can be alone in the room or I can be there if he wants etc. Nothing works. DH is of little help here and after 90 seconds of being nice about it, he totally lost his cool and told DS he could "man up and deal with it." DH is a dr. and sees much more "serious" things all day, every day so he has zero sympathy for a son who is crying about this.

WWYD? Ignore him? Anything I can say? Anything DH to say? And DH will NOT go to the appointment with him; he has a full slate of patients and has told me that he isn't re arranging his entire schedule for this, so I'm kind of stuck dealing.

[Anonymous]

Your son is 12 - and old enough to understand the purpose behind the examination and how the examination is conducted.

Why not get a medical book out - discuss the evaluation, find some cases where through the exam a child was idenitified for something and the exam saved the child's life?

[Anonymous]

How about postponing the testicle check? Chances anything is wrong are so rare. This is a big red flag as far as I'm concerned. I think it's very unusual to have such a violent reaction against this kind of exam. I'd take it off the table for now, do the rest of the physical without it, and then keep trying to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about postponing the testicle check? Chances anything is wrong are so rare. This is a big red flag as far as I'm concerned. I think it's very unusual to have such a violent reaction against this kind of exam. I'd take it off the table for now, do the rest of the physical without it, and then keep trying to talk about it.

Agree:
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/testicularcancer/overviewguide/testicular-cancer-overview-key-statistics

Was last year the first time the doctor performed this? Also, our pediatrician just looks, they don't palpate. Our kid is 10. I would ask the doctor that the not do this this year and let your son know too.

[Anonymous]

My recollection is that they've always looked but last yr was the first time they palpated, and I guess that just freaked him out.

While I'm trying to be more sympathetic than DH and am trying to listen, I kind of agree in terms of -- what exactly is the big deal. Can I leave it to him to talk to the dr. about not doing this? Or will they just "over ride" or "talk him into it" bc he's a kid? What exactly am I supposed to say -- we don't want you to do the testicular exam bc DS is what? Scared? Anxious? Over reacting? Wouldn't they still try to talk him into it then and do the whole "oh it's no big deal, it doesn't hurt" kind of discussion?

I agree with the PPs that it's no big deal to not do this/put it off at this age, but what exactly is there to talk to DS about? I guess as a woman I just can't sympathize -- I mean think of what exams women have to go through and he's freaking out about a hand someplace for 10 seconds?

[Anonymous]

Get a female doctor. He will be less freaked out. Tell your son you will be in the room with him. Ask the doctor if it is necessary. A good doctor will put him at ease, in your presence. Tell your son that if doctor says he can skip it he can skip. If not he has to do it but you will give him a special reward for managing his anxiety and facing it without a lot of time waste. I personally think you sound kind of insensitive op. Kids this age and older can be really sensitive about their private areas. Your physician husband ought to be a little more sensitive. He sounds really anxious about this. Good luck. Signed mother of a very anxious teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My recollection is that they've always looked but last yr was the first time they palpated, and I guess that just freaked him out.

While I'm trying to be more sympathetic than DH and am trying to listen, I kind of agree in terms of -- what exactly is the big deal. Can I leave it to him to talk to the dr. about not doing this? Or will they just "over ride" or "talk him into it" bc he's a kid? What exactly am I supposed to say -- we don't want you to do the testicular exam bc DS is what? Scared? Anxious? Over reacting? Wouldn't they still try to talk him into it then and do the whole "oh it's no big deal, it doesn't hurt" kind of discussion?

I agree with the PPs that it's no big deal to not do this/put it off at this age, but what exactly is there to talk to DS about? I guess as a woman I just can't sympathize -- I mean think of what exams women have to go through and he's freaking out about a hand someplace for 10 seconds?

You can say any of those things. Geez lady, what the heck is your problem? It's perfectly fine to turn down routine testing a doctor wants to do. If it was my kid, I would tell the doctor beforehand it skip it.

[Anonymous]

Get a new doctor if you can. the fact that he was complaining to you about how worked up your DS was tells me the doctor had no patience and that was part of the problem. A good doctor should not leave your DS freaked out.

Find a new doctor and take the exam off the table, just don't do it. Your DS needs to regain trust in the process.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is a male drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Skip the exam. What's the bloody big deal? Does he really need a full physical for sports? Leave the kid alone and take him to the doctor when he's sick.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that your son had a physical response to having his testicles examined, and now he is embarrassed/uncomfortable about having it done? I have girls and they're not teens yet, but I really feel like physical autonomy and consent are huge, and I would not easily allow those things to be compromised for my child.

[Anonymous]

This is a serious red flag for sexual abuse. You need to fully investigate this further. I am a physician and please - do not brush this off with your son. Seek professional assistance.

[Anonymous]

Let him choose dr visit or sports. Personally I quit sports not worth going to the dr. I haven't been since I was about 8 for an ear infection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a serious red flag for sexual abuse. You need to fully investigate this further. I am a physician and please - do not brush this off with your son. Seek professional assistance.

What do you mean by this? That the doctor was improper? Or someone else may have abused him?

[Anonymous]

Maybe your son was molested by someone other than the dr but he can't stand to be touched there now.