12 yr old DS freaking out about a physical exam? WTH!?

[Anonymous]

Your son is an adolescent. He may have involuntary erections. At any rate, he is at an age where his body and his modesty and his privacy are very important to him.

Tell him that he can set the terms of the exam. He can tell the doctor that he does not want the doctor looking under his underwear. Don't refer to his testicles, that will just embarrass him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a serious red flag for sexual abuse. You need to fully investigate this further. I am a physician and please - do not brush this off with your son. Seek professional assistance.

What do you mean by this? That the doctor was improper? Or someone else may have abused him?

New Poster here. It is possible reaction. I would not rule out anything and do investigate.

[Anonymous]

Woman here - maybe he's just embarrassed. I remember being told I would have to have a pelvic exam once I got my period, which resulted in me lying to the doctor about getting my period until I was 17 when I had a huge ovarian cyst that required an OB exam. I don't even know why I was so embarrassed but my doctor was male and I remember feeling much better about having the female OB do the exam.

I think you should tell him that certain things are uncomfortable and embarrassing but need to be done to make sure we are physically okay. And then ask him if there's anything he would like that could make it easier such as a different dr, maybe your husband being there instead of you (though telling him go man up may have alienated him ...).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here - maybe he's just embarrassed. I remember being told I would have to have a pelvic exam once I got my period, which resulted in me lying to the doctor about getting my period until I was 17 when I had a huge ovarian cyst that required an OB exam. I don't even know why I was so embarrassed but my doctor was male and I remember feeling much better about having the female OB do the exam.

I think you should tell him that certain things are uncomfortable and embarrassing but need to be done to make sure we are physically okay. And then ask him if there's anything he would like that could make it easier such as a different dr, maybe your husband being there instead of you (though telling him go man up may have alienated him ...).

Okay, that is weird. Why would you need a pelvic exam just because you had a period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a female doctor. He will be less freaked out. Tell your son you will be in the room with him. Ask the doctor if it is necessary. A good doctor will put him at ease, in your presence. Tell your son that if doctor says he can skip it he can skip. If not he has to do it but you will give him a special reward for managing his anxiety and facing it without a lot of time waste. I personally think you sound kind of insensitive op. Kids this age and older can be really sensitive about their private areas. Your physician husband ought to be a little more sensitive. He sounds really anxious about this. Good luck. Signed mother of a very anxious teen.

M here. This may not end well. I remember the embarrassment when I was 13 or 14, and went to a female doctor...when she examined me, I had a physical reaction, and was mortified.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your son about it. He has a right to decide when it comes to his own body, especially his private parts. Try to find out what exactly bothers him...

- maybe he doesn't like to be touched down there.
- maybe he got an erection and is now embarrassed it may happen again.
- maybe it hurt and he is now scared it may hurt again.
- maybe the doctor was insensitive, pushy, claimed "Stop whining, it's no big deal." etc. In that case you need a better doctor.

Either way...it is NOT necessary he get this done at his age. But do make sure he understands what the exam is for, how the exam SHOULD go down, what is checked and why. Maybe that'll help him understand that even though he hates it he wants to get it done to make sure he's okay. Talk is key either way. And respect your son's decision.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it was traumatizing. Were you in the room? I would cancel the appt and find a new doctor. I have a 10 yo son and I can't imagine a scenario where he is freaking out, pushing a doctor's hands away, and the doctor GOES THROUGH A TESTICULAR EXAM ANYWAY. That is violating! Can you imagine giving a pelvic exam while a girl screams No!? You need a new doctor, and you need to listen to your son.

[Anonymous]

Along these lines, I can tell the pediatrician I don't want my preteens to have genital exams this year? (They've never found anything abnormal in the past).

Are the docs supposed to allow parents to request this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Along these lines, I can tell the pediatrician I don't want my preteens to have genital exams this year? (They've never found anything abnormal in the past).

Are the docs supposed to allow parents to request this?

Yes, of course. They'll just write down in the chart that the patient and parent requested that this exam not be conducted. Easy peasy.

And if needed, get a new doc. Sometimes a kid wants to start fresh... ask you son, he'll tell you. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a serious red flag for sexual abuse. You need to fully investigate this further. I am a physician and please - do not brush this off with your son. Seek professional assistance.

I work in criminal justice and this was my first response too. Sexual abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about postponing the testicle check? Chances anything is wrong are so rare. This is a big red flag as far as I'm concerned. I think it's very unusual to have such a violent reaction against this kind of exam. I'd take it off the table for now, do the rest of the physical without it, and then keep trying to talk about it.

Please don't.

A friend of mine got testicle cancer and died of it when he was 15 years old. If hadn't been too embarrassed to tell his mother that there was something wrong with his balls, he might have had a better chance of survival.

There are a bunch of videos on Youtube about how to check testicles for cancer. Have your kid watch them, so that he can get used to the idea and see that it's no big deal.

There's also a page at Kidshealth.com about it.: http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/guys/tse.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a serious red flag for sexual abuse. You need to fully investigate this further. I am a physician and please - do not brush this off with your son. Seek professional assistance.

I work in criminal justice and this was my first response too. Sexual abuse.

That's always everyone's first response on this board. I'm not suggesting that should be ignored but the other stuff mentioned is just much more likely to be true -- embarrassment; physical reaction; a dr who acted like "no big deal" etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a serious red flag for sexual abuse. You need to fully investigate this further. I am a physician and please - do not brush this off with your son. Seek professional assistance.

I agree with this, unless, as a PP suggested above, your son got aroused during the palpation and feels humiliated about it. Ask the physician to skip it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it was traumatizing. Were you in the room? I would cancel the appt and find a new doctor. I have a 10 yo son and I can't imagine a scenario where he is freaking out, pushing a doctor's hands away, and the doctor GOES THROUGH A TESTICULAR EXAM ANYWAY. That is violating! Can you imagine giving a pelvic exam while a girl screams No!? You need a new doctor, and you need to listen to your son.

Thankfully they have restraints . Yes having 6 nurses holding kids down for shots is nessasary but for holder kids I would restrain with straps.

[Anonymous]

Also consider that this is the age when things get a little more achy and sensitive down there due to hormones. He may not want to say that to mom, dad seems to be taking the "get over it" approach, but he just may not want anyone jostling or pushing on anything down there.

My DSs are older teens now and while I never asked them, I noticed that around 11-12 is when they went from rough-housing anywhere, anytime at any angle to always quickly protecting the crotch if their brother was about to execute some random takedown move. In fact I was at school one time to pick one of them up and noticed a pick up soccer game on the blacktop. One kid was delivering a free kick/putting the ball back in play and 3-4 boys were defending -- all standing pretty closer to the kicker. Just before the kick was delivered every single defender put 2 hands down covering his crotch just to make sure the ball didn't somehow end up there. Only reason I remember this is bc I was shocked that pre-teen boys would do this so openly with lots of girls around and I told DH later; his response was that a kick in the balls always hurts but at that age even a gentle shove there can be excruciating so those boys did not care who was watching.

The only think I can liken it to is the way that breast tissue gets really sensitive in certain parts of the cycle for some women. I know that was the case for me esp when I was younger; I once scheduled a physical for 2 days before my cycle, not even considering it -- and when the dr started the breast exam, I could only take it for about 30 sec before I had to tell him to stop -- it was that painful to have anyone push down.