What's it like being married to a professor?
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Anonymous
| Curious to hear from the husbands or wives of professors. Does the solitary nature of their work (writing, researching) affect your life? Do you socialize mostly with the faculty? How are doing with money, can you afford to live in DC or NoVA or MoCo on a comfortable level and still save/invest? What do you like best about being married to a professor? What's the worst part? |
Anonymous
|
I was a faculty kid and am now married to someone who is an adjunct professor. He also has another job, because adjunct. We socialize with people from his university a fair amount. I like them and he has a lot in common with them (same department, same interests, etc.).
The thing I like the most is that he's smart and he really loves teaching. I think it's sexy. The thing I like least is that he sometimes believes that he's the smartest person in the room and that's not always true. I've heard him namedrop his university before and I called him out on it because that's just gauche. Our HHI is around 150k. We live in DC and are comfortable. I don't know what your standards are. His income is slightly higher than mine. |
Anonymous
|
PP from 1640 here.
One other thing I like about DH's teaching work is that it opens up his schedule a lot more than a traditional office job would. He still has grading and prep to do but he is able to do it mostly from home, which means that we are able to have family dinner and he is able to do a lot of the kid-chauffeuring. My job is less flexible, so that is helpful. It really depends on the professor's class schedule though. |
Anonymous
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It has its pros and cons. He is constantly busy - evenings, weekends, summers, etc. I always laugh when people say he must be on holiday all summer - he works harder in the summer than during the school year. He also travels a lot - when he was younger and establishing himself in his field, he would give every seminar and go to every conference he was invited to - now that he is better established, he is much pickier. And yes, he does often think he is the smartest person in the room!
On the other hand, while he works about 80 hours a week, he can often, if he is in town, take off to go to a kid event. He is smart and has wide ranging interests that go way beyond his field. He loves me and has stuck with me through thick and thin - not sure that has anything to do with being a prof. He is in a STEM field and is quite well remunerated, so we don't have the financial issues that profs in other fields do. He is pretty normal, but, wow, some of his colleagues are crazy as loons! |
Anonymous
| Marrying a man who thinks he's the smartest man in the world. SNOOZE. |
Anonymous
|
Flexible schedule is great.
I get jealous because he has more time to think and reflect than I do. And he doesn't have a boss micromanaging him. |
Anonymous
| The professors I've known travel a lot more than I would have expected. |
Anonymous
In the room, not the world. |
Anonymous
|
How can you think a man loving teaching is sexy. Sounds like you have some unresolved daddy issues. Sorry, it's just creepy "ooh, teach me something mr authority figure!" Did you have an inappropriate relationship with someone at some point?
Every male professor I have ever met is a huge asshole, control freak. With the possible exception of one I know who is in some really high level math something. They expect everyone to listen to them and never question their opinion. |
Anonymous
Wow. I'd say that you have some unresolved issues yourself. |
Anonymous
Troll. |
Anonymous
| Not a troll. Also know of quite a few profs who ended up sleeping with their college aged students. There is a reason men go into teaching, it's not the money. It's a power trip for them. |
Anonymous
Go and take a nap. |
Anonymous
|
This is a really weird question to me (are you going to decide no to marry based on his career?) but I'll bite.
DH is a professor and his profession influences our relationship minimally. He goes through periods where work in very stressful (submitting a big grant, qualifying for tenure) but has prioritized family life so typically leaves early for work and gets home by 5:30 unless something major is going on. While he works a lot, his schedule is very flexible so he's able to help with sick kids, school closings, etc. our friends are a mix of colleagues from both our respective careers, grad school, plus neighbors and people we've befriended from our kids schools.. We have a relatively low HHI ($150k) given our credentials, but that's also due to my choice of career. We're not saving much now with kids in daycare, but we make do. One of the biggest downsides is the tight job market - we were pretty much prepared to move anywhere for a tenure-track position, and if he decides to switch in the future, our geographic options will likely be very limiting. Teaching is a minor component of his job but yeah, makes him seem sexy. |
Anonymous
| It's a great job for people with kids because you can somewhat set your own schedule. Salary can vary quite a lot depending on the school and the field. Which sounds unhelpful but is just the truth! |