What's it like being married to a professor?

[Anonymous]

Sorry. I'd never marry someone with such low earning potential. If you're going to marry someone intelligent, why not marry someone intelligent enough to put that to work for a grown up paycheck?


At least you're honest.

This is so field and institution dependent. Many areas of STEM and economics can make plenty of money if the individual is a superstar. My husband's postdoc advisor (organic chemistry) took home about 500K per year. Maybe 275K came from the university (every time another school tries to recruit you, they have to make a counter offer). The rest came from awards, patent royalties, consulting fees from pharmaceutical companies, serving as an expert witness in patent lawsuits, etc. Some academics start up companies as well, which is an additional source of income.

Of course, not everyone is a superstar, but the earning potential is certainly there in some areas. Even without this, a paycheck for life is a pretty huge source of financial stability and very unusual. Even pre-tenure, how many jobs guarantee you a job for 5-7 years?

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of professors who have cheated with students or other professors but I wouldn't say it's a majority or anything.

Frankly, this has been my experience as well. (Not married to a prof, just friends with several - and their gossip (sometimes about their own exploits) is astounding!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know a lot of professors who have cheated with students or other professors but I wouldn't say it's a majority or anything.

Frankly, this has been my experience as well. (Not married to a prof, just friends with several - and their gossip (sometimes about their own exploits) is astounding!)

Divorced from a professor at one of the Georges. From my experience and those of my friends, all of the professors married to my good friends are cheaters with the exception of one couple. So 7 out of 8. The students often start the flirtation and pursue but it take two to tango and there's the inherent power dynamics of professor and student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sorry. I'd never marry someone with such low earning potential. If you're going to marry someone intelligent, why not marry someone intelligent enough to put that to work for a grown up paycheck?


At least you're honest.

This is so field and institution dependent. Many areas of STEM and economics can make plenty of money if the individual is a superstar. My husband's postdoc advisor (organic chemistry) took home about 500K per year. Maybe 275K came from the university (every time another school tries to recruit you, they have to make a counter offer). The rest came from awards, patent royalties, consulting fees from pharmaceutical companies, serving as an expert witness in patent lawsuits, etc. Some academics start up companies as well, which is an additional source of income.

Of course, not everyone is a superstar, but the earning potential is certainly there in some areas. Even without this, a paycheck for life is a pretty huge source of financial stability and very unusual. Even pre-tenure, how many jobs guarantee you a job for 5-7 years?

It's funny -- the lives of humanities profs and STEM profs are totally different. Also being at a small teaching college, is generally totally different from being at a university. And as the PP here suggests, some profs make a lot of money.

I am married to a superstar STEM prof and am a prof myself. Very successful but not quite his level. Honestly, our HHI would be acceptable to a serious DC lawyer, and goes a lot further because we live in a lower cost of living area.

My husband travels a lot (although he's cut down because we have small children), as to I. He spends a significant amount of time serving on high level committees, talking to very rich people who want to give money to support academic research and a lot doing research. Teaching (except perhaps mentoring more junior faculty) is a minor concern at most and he mostly teaches grad students. They are mostly male and nerdy. definitely no power trip. Our jobs are more free than other types of jobs -- we choose our responsibilities and hours to an enormous extent, and our business travel is generally of our choosing and to good locations. But otherwise, it's like what other PPs said. Our lives are normal and like most other professional jobs, although tenure does change the equation a bit by creating a lot of job security.

No one owns tweed coats with elbow patches or sits holed up in a study working on manuscripts alone. My husband wears oxfords and pants to work like any other professional, and when he writes documents, it is done quickly and collaboratively. There are no fawning young female (or male) students, no dynamic lectures with rapt audience (yes there was class, but it is just *not* a power trip, I don't know where you people come from..

Like everything else in the 21st century, academia is a business. It's nothing like those Philip Roth novels you've been reading.

There are nice points -- my husband is very intellectually curious, even (and especially) outside his field of study. He reads a ton and discusses what he reads. He knows how to have fun and explore iwth a toddler better than most men I know. He's hugely self-motivated. But that's not the job.

[Anonymous]

My prof husband wears cut-offs and t-shirts or jeans and t-shirts, sweaters, button-down shirts. Very casual. He works at home when he wants to. We are a single income fam right now. Six figures. Salary jumps by 30K when he gets a grant. It is technically summer salary though work doesn't stop without a grant. Just the money.

[Anonymous]

I think you should worry about how faithful your spouse can be. At one point in grad school, every professor in our small dept was married to a former student. I personally know TWO professors who both had affairs with TAs and got them both pregnant. Both of their wives stayed with them. Both men are paying child support for the kids though so I guess thats something. I think a lot of prefessors have crazy egos and life in Academia is very insular and ego driven. Add in a never ending rotation of young attractive women every semester and its a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying a man who thinks he's the smartest man in the world. SNOOZE.

Why do you think a professor would consider himself/herself the smartest? If your knowledge is a circle, the more you know, the more you are in contact with the unknown. It makes you humble. The people with little knowledge are the most arrogant and fearless.

I love my husband very much but humility about what he knows is not his strongest point. But that has much more to do with how insecure he is rather than the fact he is a professor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry. I'd never marry someone with such low earning potential. If you're going to marry someone intelligent, why not marry someone intelligent enough to put that to work for a grown up paycheck?

This is not informed. In many fields, including my DH's, professors make comfortably into the low six figures for a flexible, secure, relatively low stress job that rarely requires more than 9-5 work and offers interesting and rewarding work on the topic of your personal interest. There is no better job available anywhere, if you can get it. The job market for such positions is very tight, but if you get one, it is a great field.

Totally agree with this. Dh, who is in humanities, has a good paying job in a friendly and decently respected department he likes which is in DC. I am so jealous of him. I would give anything to have that kind of job. I could get an academic job but it would be low-paid in a small town or city not anywhere near DC so I decided to give up on academia. But most people don't get gigs like dh. A bunch of our friends got jobs in less than stellar institutions in conservative, rural areas. That would have been fine with me if I had been single and movable, but it's very hard on a lot of folks who would rather be in urban areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know a lot of professors who have cheated with students or other professors but I wouldn't say it's a majority or anything.

Frankly, this has been my experience as well. (Not married to a prof, just friends with several - and their gossip (sometimes about their own exploits) is astounding!)

This is total BS unless your friends are either really old or teach only graduate students. There is no way in this day and age with the threat of parental lawsuits would a professor keep his job if he slept with an undergraduate or a graduate student in his class (if the grad student is in another department, however, dating is fair game). Universities are far too worried about bad media and a pricey lawsuit to keep even a tenured professor who sleeps with an undergrad.

Regardless, to add another dimension to this discussion, being married to a female professor is pretty sweet. Good, secure job with excellent hours. She has great benefits, and seems happy for the most part. Some travel, but not a ton. Good stories about teaching and fun colleagues. She does not have summers off, but usually writes and sometimes teaches summer school. She has more flexibility during the summer than during the school year. On the downside, if she hasn't been able to get a tenured post in DC, there aren't a ton of options for her career-wise.

[Anonymous]

I know three professors well, dated two of them. Very smart but also very self absorbed

[Anonymous]

Question for the professor couples (I'm the OP, thanks for all the replies): do you plan to send your kids to the professor's school? I think you can do it with very little in tuition fees?

[Anonymous]

It is like being married to a barista who has a crapload of student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for the professor couples (I'm the OP, thanks for all the replies): do you plan to send your kids to the professor's school? I think you can do it with very little in tuition fees?

Hard to say, as it depends on how strong students my DCs will be in HS. But, it is very nice knowing that we have our school as a back up. Ideally, we think it is very important to go away for college. If finances are an issue, going to the parent's school is a great option. Btw, our uni belongs to a consortium where the possibility exists, but is not guaranteed, for our children to attend tuition free another college in the consortium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for the professor couples (I'm the OP, thanks for all the replies): do you plan to send your kids to the professor's school? I think you can do it with very little in tuition fees?

It depends on the institution. When I taught in the state-supported Virginia system, there was no tuition break for faculty and employee kids. However, other schools do give tuition breaks and you can also use that tuition break at other colleges through an exchange system. But it's still not a lot at some places. My cousin, who teaches at a liberal arts college, gets very small tuition support from her school for her kids.

At dh's university, the school makes most faculty kids pay 1/3 of the tuition if they attend their parents' school but they also will pay 1/3 of the kids' tuition to other colleges through the exchange. Dh was hired in a short window where the promise was free tuition for the kids at his institution. Still, for a long time, we thought about sending our kid to a state school out of state -- between the 1/3 tuition and the DC Tag helping to cover out of state tuition, it would cover a lot of costs. But the kid decided to attend dh's university and we've been fortunate to get free tuition. But, like I said, some places offer no breaks and very small breaks. It really depends on where you work.

[Anonymous]

So, OP, why are you asking about this? Are you dating someone who is or hopes to be a prof? Or are you writing a novel and looking for background?

If you're dating someone and want advice, tell us what his/her field is and, if they're in grad school, whether they have a research or teaching assistantship.