I like my coworker and he's part of the top management?

[Anonymous]

Okay, this might sound like a cliche situation but please hear me out, I've thought too much about it already.

I'm in my mid-twenties, work in HR. I think I'm almost married to my job because I spend almost 12 hours 5 days a week there. So we hired a new employee 6 months ago for a top management position - Sales Director. My company is HUGE world-wise but we have only 35 people in the office in my city.
The guy's 38 y.o., never married, I've heard rumors he's dating young models. The guy's gorgeous, my perfect type, really. One would say he's a playboy, but I heard him discussing with my boss that the girls nowadays only like him for money and it's very hard to find a good girl, etc etc.
Despite being in Sales, he's a good person, not exaggerrating. I cana clearly sense he likes me at least as a co-worker, because he ALWAYS treats me really well, and really treasures my opinion work-wise. It's not hypocrisy, I can sense that he's that kind of person. He does lots of good things and does them unconsciously.
He's also a very righteous person when it comes to life matters, he loves theater, brings up serious topics during lunch, from his discussions I figured out that he's the type that tries to do everything the right away, at least TRIES to.
He really trusts me and I can feel it, and sometimes I'm scared to betray that trust.
I remember asking him to give one guy a chance and I went on saying "Please? Pretty please?" He looked at me, turned a bit pink and said "Fine, I'll trust your intuition", Me: "No way, then it will be my fault if it doesn't work out". Him: "No, it won't be your fault, it's his last chance to prove he's right".

The way he treats my boss (she's an unmarried woman) is so different. They are like pals but at the same time they argue A LOT and he always accuses her of working too slowly, while he even patted me on the shoulder and told me to hold on for a bit more (because we have a lot of work). Or when we bump into each other, he'd slightly grab my arm and apologize, maybe it's not unusual but no one's done it to me before. Or when he's standing next to me, he stands so close, our arms touch. While my boss said that she tried to pat him once and he was not amused.

I've laughed my feelings for him off a lot of times. But I continue going back to thinking of him all the time. But you see, me... what about me. I'm FAR from looking like a model in every sense, I even often dress in jeans and shirts to work compared to his snowwhite shirts and hugo boss pants. I don't know how to flirt, I don't want to jump to bed with him, I just want to figure out if there IS a chance he could like me or he treats me like a kid (but he does date girls the same age as me!) or just as a good person (?) How can I make him notice me as a woman or figure out his attitude towards me?
I'd dress sexy and wear high heels but that way he'd be shorter than me, and I'm not even slim....

His assistant is a close friend of mine and she said she thinks he doesn't care about anyone like that at work, at least she thinks so, so she said I have no hope. I agree he's definitely popular among women but he's not the playboy type like "hey, babe, let's go to my downtown apartment" or something like that. Well, at least I've NEVER heard him boast nor to me neither to my colleagues.
I personally couldn't care less about his money. I think that money doesn't bring happiness, I can make a living for myself pretty well, so I don't need his money, apartments abroad and so on, that's not for me.

Oh man, I know this whole post sounds stupid, but I'd really appreciate a couple of opinions, I can't get him out of my head.

ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE: No, I don't care if he's a coworker, we do have a couple of romances going on right now, it's not prohibited, moreover, HR director is more than supportive of such things at work, and I personally couldn't care less if he's my coworker or not. I'm leaving the country next spring anyway. But I just want to know.

[Anonymous]

So make a move. No one will know how he feels by your account of things. Take a plunge and ask him for drinks.

This is outside of the topic but I hate when people refer to women ( 22 and above) as girls. I can't stand hearing men in their 40's say " I dated this girl". We are women, not girls. It really irks me.

[Anonymous]

No no no, he never said "girls", it's ME who says it. He says "women", because let's be honest here, he's a lot older than me. 13 years older, I think.
I cannot ask him out, that would be waaaaay suspicious. I position myself as the tender young girl type. Not trying to show off but I'm most likely the soul of our company (at least based on the day when I celebrated my birthday), but I still position myself a bit differently, so I'm sure he'd be very surprised to say the least if I were to ask him out.

[Anonymous]

This is just too cute! You, the post, your gushing ...confusion...all too cute!

My experience has always been that if a man is interested, he'll come for you-age, work situation, shyness or whatever be damned!

It's also been my experience that it's better to let him chase you! And if he's interested, he will.

Just keep being cute, friendly and enjoying his relationship at work. He'll make his move if/when he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Nothing that he does or says strikes me as him liking you like that. He just seems like a nice guy/co worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just too cute! You, the post, your gushing ...confusion...all too cute!

My experience has always been that if a man is interested, he'll come for you-age, work situation, shyness or whatever be damned!

It's also been my experience that it's better to let him chase you! And if he's interested, he will.

Just keep being cute, friendly and enjoying his relationship at work. He'll make his move if/when he wants to.

Really? I think it's kind of pathetic. I'd imagine this from someone in middle school "omg you guys, when we stand next to each other our arms touch. This means he like likes me right?!?" I don't know, I'm 28 and can't imagine any of my friends acting like this.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on how you were brought up. I got my first kiss when I was 12, but made only when I turned 20. And it's not because my parents were religious/strict or whatever, it's my choice. I have my own principles and values and I live by them. If someone's a love veteran at 28, good for them, but I take things at my own pace, and have no intention of changing that only because I do not fit into your idea of normal. I have a big private space and I don't like when people touch touch me familiarly, so it's a big deal to me. Sex is also very important to me, and I need to have a strong emotional connection to get into bed with someone, I don't do that after a couple of dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all depends on how you were brought up. I got my first kiss when I was 12, but made only when I turned 20. And it's not because my parents were religious/strict or whatever, it's my choice. I have my own principles and values and I live by them. If someone's a love veteran at 28, good for them, but I take things at my own pace, and have no intention of changing that only because I do not fit into your idea of normal. I have a big private space and I don't like when people touch touch me familiarly, so it's a big deal to me. Sex is also very important to me, and I need to have a strong emotional connection to get into bed with someone, I don't do that after a couple of dates.

Wtf are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

No no no, he never said "girls", it's ME who says it. He says "women", because let's be honest here, he's a lot older than me. 13 years older, I think.
I cannot ask him out, that would be waaaaay suspicious. I position myself as the tender young girl type. Not trying to show off but I'm most likely the soul of our company (at least based on the day when I celebrated my birthday), but I still position myself a bit differently, so I'm sure he'd be very surprised to say the least if I were to ask him out.

I'm sure that a young woman in her twenties is over inflating herself by assuming she is the soul of anything.

Your OP is like a bad romance novel where you are the flawless heroine. That sends up all kinds of red flags that the situation you think and wish to be true likely bears little resemblance to reality.

In this situation, stay away from dating in a workplace. I've never heard of an HR director who was "more than supportive" of office romances, except in Lifetime movies. It never ends well, except in Lifetime movies. Which brings up something else. Your entire post is like a plot from a Lifetime movie. You think he's righteous because he likes theatre and brings up serious topics during lunch? You have false modesty about your jeans and shirts compared to his snow white shirts and Hugo Boss pants? Seriously?

You sound about 12 and too immature for either a real relationship or an adult job.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to get out of your head a bit. I get that you're inexperienced, but a lot of these things are things you'd see from someone who likes you as a friend, sees you as a kid sister, or possibly likes you. But if he's way experienced, he would likely make it a bit more obvious. Especially if relationships are fine in your company and he's not worried about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No no no, he never said "girls", it's ME who says it. He says "women", because let's be honest here, he's a lot older than me. 13 years older, I think.
I cannot ask him out, that would be waaaaay suspicious. I position myself as the tender young girl type. Not trying to show off but I'm most likely the soul of our company (at least based on the day when I celebrated my birthday), but I still position myself a bit differently, so I'm sure he'd be very surprised to say the least if I were to ask him out.

I'm sure that a young woman in her twenties is over inflating herself by assuming she is the soul of anything.

Your OP is like a bad romance novel where you are the flawless heroine. That sends up all kinds of red flags that the situation you think and wish to be true likely bears little resemblance to reality.

In this situation, stay away from dating in a workplace. I've never heard of an HR director who was "more than supportive" of office romances, except in Lifetime movies. It never ends well, except in Lifetime movies. Which brings up something else. Your entire post is like a plot from a Lifetime movie. You think he's righteous because he likes theatre and brings up serious topics during lunch? You have false modesty about your jeans and shirts compared to his snow white shirts and Hugo Boss pants? Seriously?

You sound about 12 and too immature for either a real relationship or an adult job.

Couldn't have said it better myself. OP sounds like she lives in a semi delusional state.

[Anonymous]

Flawless? I never said I was. On the contrary, I thought I've mentioned quite a number of flaws of mine. What's so bad about being the... what'd you call it... the center of a company? Among my other reponsibilities I'm a recruiter and I'm the first person people come to when 1) they come for an interview; 2) they have troubles. People are at least grateful. Apart from that I hang out with my coworkers all the time - everything from weddings to campings with their families. And what's so good about positioning myself like that? I know it doesn't sound modest, but I just to create the whole picture. Yes, I am like that. And I changed, because I used to be very tomboish and would behave like one of the guys, and I didn't like it myself. I changed over the years, and came to like myself more, and so did other men.
As for the guy being a good person, theater and stuff were not the proof of that, I just tried to add as much information as possible. The main basis for the idea of him being a good person is his attitude towards me and his coworkers. Interviewing 8 to 12 people a day for 7 years has at least given me enough experience to be able to figure out their character. I might not be good at explaining myself though.
As for relationships at work, I've never heard a big international company prohibiting things like that, be it Accenture, BP, Proctor, Unilever, Hewlett Packard, etc. I have a big network of business connections and friends and it's completely normal everywhere. Haven't heard a single top manager being against it, both on local and international scale.

[Anonymous]

* Sorry, I meant "What's so bad about positioning myself like that?"

[Anonymous]

Oh sweetie, you are very naive for 25. People may think you're very nice and enjoy hanging out with you, but an HR recruiter is never the soul of the company. Im sure this guy thinks you're very nice, but if he really is of the quality you describe, then no, he's not interested in you because he wouldn't be attracted to someone so much younger who is still so immature/naive. You're not so immature/ naive for 25, but for a 38-year-old? Yes, you are.

On top of that, outside of books and movies the gorgeous, polished, model-dating guy never falls for the younger, somewhat sloppy looking (based on your description) girl. He can find plenty of women who are just as smart, fun, caring,etc., but who also make themselves attractive..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh sweetie, you are very naive for 25. People may think you're very nice and enjoy hanging out with you, but an HR recruiter is never the soul of the company. Im sure this guy thinks you're very nice, but if he really is of the quality you describe, then no, he's not interested in you because he wouldn't be attracted to someone so much younger who is still so immature/naive. You're not so immature/ naive for 25, but for a 38-year-old? Yes, you are.

On top of that, outside of books and movies the gorgeous, polished, model-dating guy never falls for the younger, somewhat sloppy looking (based on your description) girl. He can find plenty of women who are just as smart, fun, caring,etc., but who also make themselves attractive..

Yup, I know that. I probably just wanted to hear it from someone.