Husband Regressed Sexually
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Anonymous
| I've been with my husband 5yrs, married for 2. I'm very into fantasizing, dirty talk, etc. He indicated that he had some freak in him but then was just conservative. I thought at first he just needed time to get comfortable with me. As time went on I realized he really wasn't into anything other than plain, quiet sex. The man never made a sound! After a few years and lots of talks, he finally started letting loose. A little at first, then a little more, until he was actually coming up with his own fantasies and talking openly about them during sex. Fast forward about a year and a half later... He started a new job and was in DC for a month for training. We texted frequently and talked or skyped every day. He was constantly telling me the entire time he was gone that he missed me and was going to do all these things to me when he got home. Then he came home and nothing! In the first week and a half we had sex twice and both times were only because I was aggressive in my initiating. He had completely regressed to where he was the first 2yrs! I understand he started a new job and was probably really stressed about that, but he got comfortable with it within a few months. Now, another year and a half later, he still has not gone forward *at all* to where he'd gotten before. I'm soooo confused by him. He expresses desire and we do have sex, but the minute I try to go anywhere near any type of talk or fantasy he won't respond at all. He gets very uncomfortable and I don't want to make him feel that way, so I have to keep it all in my head, which only disconnects me from him, so I don't want that either. If he went there before, and it was obvious at the time he enjoyed it, why won't he do it again??? I figured something had to've happened in DC, but idk what, and I don't meant cheating because he's loyal to a fault. Can anyone shed any light on what the deal is or what to do? I've tried talking to him about it but he always says he doesn't know what happened. /Sigh.... |
Anonymous
| Why oh why can't all the vanilla people find each other? |
Anonymous
|
The deal is that you tried to change him into something he's not. Now he's gone back to his natural state, and there is nothing wrong with that. The fact that you had to work so hard and long to change him should have been a clear indication that you were changing him into something he's not.
It's sad he's loyal to a fault because he will likely stay with you even though you are withdrawing because you weren't successful in changing him. You knew what he was like when you met. |
Anonymous
| Maybe your kind of sex feels like too much work to him. |
Anonymous
| If this is so important to ypu you sholdnt have married him. Seriously, do you have some real prolem in your life? Grow up. |
Anonymous
|
You say he got comfortable with it within a few months. While also saying it took a few years of talking and talking to get him to change. Frankly I think you sound like a bitch.
Signed wife who is a bit freakier than DH but respects his comfort level and would rather all the other qualities DH has to offer than find a guy who is freakier. |
Anonymous
No shit! What a waste of a good woman. Stuck with a prude stick in the mud. She could make many other men happy. Maybe a wife swap is needed here. |
Anonymous
| Dammit woman can't you just shut up and lie there instead of distracting me with all your stupid talk? Geez. |
Anonymous
| My thought is that he had some boring vanilla affair. |
Anonymous
| Have you asked him recently, OP, why he isn't responding or into it anymore? Could you find a compromise, like 1/4 of the time he will play your way (since it takes more effort and he's not really into it)? |
Anonymous
| He's cheating |
Anonymous
| I am naturally vanilla. Other stuff seems like such an effort when all I want is closeness/love. |
Anonymous
| Men don't need all this over the top effort sex they wanna bust a nut with few vocals and be done |
Anonymous
| Men don't need all this over the top effort sex they wanna bust a nut with few vocals and be done |
Anonymous
|
Since your husband tends to be more on the conservative side, it actually takes more thought AND effort on his part to bring your sex life up to the level that you desire it to be at.
For you, it comes a bit more naturally it seems, but for him...Not so much. So while he has been trying to make an effort on his part, he also has had his own distractions off + on, primarily his new job training and being out of town. In other words, he has had to focus his attention on his job right now so he hasn't had much time to focus it on anything else at the moment. Give him some time to get settled into his new job and to the point where he can start again to focus some of his extra-curricular energy back into your sex life. Again, this stuff may not come to him in a natural sense so it will take some time and patience from you. It sounds to me like he is trying to make the effort on your behalf, he just got a little distracted on the way w/this new job. I say, give the guy a break and support him rather than get impatient w/him. Good luck to you both. 
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