on in-laws...
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Anonymous
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I feel like some of you are creating problems, where there aren't any. Like you THINK you're supposed to not get along with your in-laws, so you create or magnify a "problem" in your head. Like you think in-law problems are supposed to be something everyone has, so you make a totally needless issue out of nothing. Your in-law says they love you? Adoringly refers to grandkids as "my kids?" Helps you out when you're moving, and is now getting on your nerves?
I know a few people have really, truly, insanely horrific in-laws, but some of these "problems," man... they just seem so manufactured and ridiculous. |
Anonymous
| Well, DCUM is populated by lots of people who make a big deal out of nothing on a wide variety of issues. Totally agree with you though. |
Anonymous
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While ITA that D.C. is the hub of making huge deals out of nothing (as well as the inverse being true); some ILs really don't welcome their new additions as they say (tell others) they do.
Some people are insular, not very social, and not very welcoming. They can say they are, until the cows come home, but that does not change their actual behavior! If you want the new family member to belong, act like it. Make an effort. Don't have everything be about you. |
Anonymous
| Good for you for not having these issues. |
Anonymous
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My ILs are angry, because you can't do enough for them, on their terms. To hell with that. We have our own life and family, and DH is no longer ten years old - surprise! |
Anonymous
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MIL was often slighted during her life. FIL was not home (even during childbirth) - by choice, kids didn't listen, etc. She was not respected. I don't think FIL ever bought her a present. Ever. Not even something small. Not even a card. Nothing.
She has an awful lot of unresolved issues. I get it, we all have issues. But it's pretty clear she never talked to anyone about her sense of uselessness, etc. She really wants everything about her, like she is the Queen Mother or something. It's disturbing. My family is totally different. We are big and close and warm. It was really, really eye opening to see how some families treat each other. Learning about DH's family was kind of disturbing, sadly. My family wasn't perfect, but we owned own sh*t - for one. |
Anonymous
They're not "issues" to begin with. |
Anonymous
Um, OK. |
Anonymous
Thank you for saying that. I am appalled at how mean the DILs are on this forum and how entitled. The world does not revolve around them and they are mad about it. I am a DIL, and I have had my share of disagreements with ILs, which is normal in any relationship; but the posters here do not have it in them to be gracious and let small things not matter. One poster disliked that the MIL said "I love you" to her, every time they were saying goodbye. This really boggled my mind. |
Anonymous
I completely agree with you. I also think though, that in the most insane cases (like "My ILs say I love you too much") you hit the nail on the head by saying "manufactured". Some of these are absolutely positively the work of a bored, pathetic troll who just likes posting silly things and watching people freak out. Unfortunately it's not always easy to tell the "sincere post but really? You think that's a problem??" posts from the "My in-Laws are just too perfect! They do everything nicely and lovingly and well and it's getting on my nerves!" obvious trolls. At the end of the day, I just ignore the ones that seem silly. I'm sure I've posted a few things that someone, somewhere thought was silly. That's cool, that's the cost/benefit of being on an anonymous message board - some people really do ask questioons they're too embarrassed to ask in real life, and that's a good thing that we can ask those questions here.. But I agree, some of these questions are absurd and people just looking for problems. |
Anonymous
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Well good for you all you "Holier Than Thou" posters!
I'm sure you have NEVER vented about something minor that gets on your nerves, in person or on a anonymous web forum where nobody knows who you are! The horror! |
Anonymous
I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday. None of these things dawned on me as "issues" until DCUM. |
Anonymous
| My favorite are the posters who complain about their in-laws including them on a beach vacation. |
Anonymous
Clearly, you have your own issues to deal with, beyond your mil. |
Anonymous
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Some of these threads may come off as manufactured or petty. I look it as my MIL is that coworker whose personality irritates me no end but with whom I have to work.
If I were to vent about that coworker chances are there would be some "Oh yeah, BTDT" responses. But because this person is my IL, suddenly I'm a monster for expressing annoyance with her? I'm not saying MIL's evil or the devil or bent on destroying me. I'm saying there are things about her behavior or attitude or habits that grate on my nerves. I have no problem mentioning that on an anonymous board. I'm not saying these things to her face! |