Need to know if I'm expecting too much, tell me what makes your DH a "Great DH" and "Great Father"?

[Anonymous]

We are not getting along so well lately and I need to know if I'm being a nag or he needs to step it up or possibly both.

I hear people say things like, "My DH is a great father!" or "My DH is a great partner/husband!" If this is you, congrats! Now please tell me what makes you think this.

[Anonymous]

He helps out when I need it. Men usually are intimidated with babies and are afraid/grossed out with changing diapers. A real man will step up and change a diaper when needed. Leaving a child in a dirty diaper can constitute neglect. Men think women automatically know how to take care of kids. It's a learned skill. He can learn to take care of his child, help out with the housework etc. If he is not willing, then you need to decide if its a deal breaker. You also need to figure out if you are nagging or not.

[Anonymous]

He makes us laugh. He's silly and chill and my polar opposite.

[Anonymous]

We are a team. We help each other out. He doesn't complain when I ask for help. He enjoys spending time with our son. He gets his alone time/time away and makes sure I get some too. Mostly he is a great dad because he is so hands on. From day 1 thru now (only 9 months in!) he changes most of the diapers, gives most of DS' baths and loves to
Play and spend time with him. While I do most of the cooking, cleaning and errands, I think we have an equal division of labor. He does yard work, trash, pool maintenance, and is always doing house projects. It feels like a team effort versus "i do more" attitude which I will admit we had a lot of division of labor fights when we first moved in together 8 years ago. Back then I bagged a lot and hated it. Since then DH has learned but also tells me to ask for help rather than just getting pissed off because he can't read my mind. Sorry for the rambling!

[Anonymous]

^^ nagged a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He helps out when I need it. Men usually are intimidated with babies and are afraid/grossed out with changing diapers. A real man will step up and change a diaper when needed. Leaving a child in a dirty diaper can constitute neglect. Men think women automatically know how to take care of kids. It's a learned skill. He can learn to take care of his child, help out with the housework etc. If he is not willing, then you need to decide if its a deal breaker. You also need to figure out if you are nagging or not.

I don't mean to be rude or pick on PP but this answer somewhat depresses me because the bar seems very low. A dad who changes diapers isn't "helping out"-- he's doing a small part of the endless work of raising a child. Maybe my husband is great dad and maybe he's not, but he changed as many if not more diapers than I did.

[Anonymous]

I think my DH is more of a great father than a great husband. If we are splitting hairs and all

[Anonymous]

My husband is an awesome father. He will do anything for our daughter and has been that way since she was born. He changed diapers, bathed, dressed, fed (we did bottles from the beginning), and comforted just as much as I did. He drives carpool, does the morning routine, and so much more. If she needs shoes or sports gear or supplies for a project, he takes care of it once he knows about it. Right now at 11:19pm, he has fallen asleep in front of the TV. If I woke him up right now and said, "She needs one more 3 ring binder and it has to be blue," and he would go out right now and get one.

[Anonymous]

Hes an equal partner, makes a good income, he works out and has a great body, and can fuck like Spartacus. Big swinging dick.

[Anonymous]

DH loves spending time with our toddler and is very capable of doing everything I can do. He happily changes diapers, takes DS to the park or out to breakfast on weekend mornings so I can sleep in, and loves to be silly and playful with him. I SAH and handle much of the household things, but he is an equal partner when he is around. I occasionally ask him to help out with something I didn't get to that day and he's more than happy to help. He is great about letting me go out with girlfriends in the evenings if I need a night out, and I do the same for him. We are a great team and we try to do nice things for each other instead of making the other persons life more difficult. We certainly have disagreements and our life isn't perfect, but I got very lucky with a great guy.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a great father and husband, but we still fight! We have a preschooler and a toddler, so taking care of them, and the house, the yard, errands and other life stuff just takes up a lot of time and energy. He is trying his best (and so am I) so I try to remember that when we are annoyed at each other.

[Anonymous]

Great husband: he will do anything to help me. He will do difficult things for me, like pushing me to do difficult things, and refusing to make tough choices for me. He pushes me to be the best person I can be, and encourages me to do everything I want to do if it's good for me. He makes sure I get off. He compliments me in public, and only criticizes in private. He fights fair. Even when he's angry at me, he will still make breakfast for me, and all the other sweet things he does.

Great father: he doesn't view himself as helping me parent. He never babysits the kids. He takes initiative. We agreed regarding diapers that whoever smelled it, would change it, but he's changed much more than his fair share. When people make comments about him needing a shotgun because of our daughters he politely explains how they're not property and all this feminist stuff I had no idea he felt strongly about. When he was doing some work on the car he took our daughter to help and explained it all to her. Sure, he accidentally dresses the kids wrong sometimes (tights are not leggings) but he didn't give up, just asked me to explain how he could tell the difference. He looks them in the eyes when they're talking. He reads the parenting books, too. He goes to the doctors appointments. He considers himself as much t heir parent as I am.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a great dad. He does all the night feedings so I can pump. He changes just as many diapers as I do. He plays with them and loves to spend time with them. If I have to leave the house, I know he has it all covered. Sure my DD looks funny in some of the outfits they've picked out, but that's trivial. We're definitely equal when it comes to parenting, which is the only reason I felt comfortable having #2.

[Anonymous]

DH is a full partner. This isn't "helping out." It means he is there on the first cry, the full diaper, the hungry child, the call from school. He is the go-to guy.

[Anonymous]

The language police who are always ready to decry "help" as a four letter word are getting tiresome. We get it. My wife doesn't "help" with the bills. When she contributes 30% to the bill paying effort, she's a full partner and, even if she contributed 0%, she has full responsibility for paying the bills.

But here's the thing - running a household has a lot of components. Spouses are going to take the lead on different components - based on time, inclination, skill level, happenstance, tradition, gender prejudice, or some combination thereof. If you and your spouse do every single component on a strict 50/50 basis, congratulations to you but you're probably doing it wrong. And if the spouse who is not leading on a component contributes to the effort, it's an acceptable linguistic shorthand to say they are "helping." My wife "helps" with the lawn sometimes. Sure, it's both of our responsibility. But I mow the lawn 90% of the time. When she kicks in 10% of the time, she's "helping."