My 60 year old dad is "going to retire on social security"
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Anonymous
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I'm not sure if this is the right board for this but I'm married with kids. My parents have been divorced my entire life. Dad kept in contact with me but always worked as little as possible (in order to avoid paying?) and didn't pay much of his child support until he was in his 40's (paying arrears at that point as I was an adult). I'm middle class and have a house with a guest bedroom that in-laws and my mom and her new husband stay in (as well as my dad). We are doing our best to make it and save for retirement and college for the kids.
The other day I hear from dad "I'm retiring at 62 on Social Security and will be moving in with you." He has no savings, 401k, or pension. So he's decided this for me? He's lived with my grandparents his whole life basically mooching off them and now wants to do it to his kid. Not only do I not want him living with me permanently. Not only would he drive me insane, he acts like a spoiled entitled child and orders people around (because my grandmother let him act this was for 60 years?). I could give examples but take the "I'm moving in with you" without talking to us first as an example of his daily attitude. Additionally it's not fair for the rest of the family that would like to see our kids. I told him a year ago that he's not living with us and he's said it again. I don't know if he "forgot" last time, is trying to wear me down, or what but it's frustrating that he told me again that he's going to live here in 2 years. Anyone have advice on how to deal with this situation. I guess I could do something passive aggressive like have my mom "visiting" when he wants to move here but that wouldn't resolve anything. |
Anonymous
| Why can't he stay put at your grandparents' home? |
Anonymous
| Op here: sorry for all the grammar mistakes, typed on my phone. |
Anonymous
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You need to look him straight in the eyes and lyell him, "dad, m sorry but you can't move in with us. You'll need to come up with an alternate plan."
Then every time past that when he brings it up, remind him. Keep it short, and do NOT give him reasons why. |
Anonymous
| Every time he says it, you need to stop him and tell him he's not. Probably need to reiterate it a few extra times as well. |
Anonymous
| Just tell him no way. You're not obligated to bring toxicity into your life just because you happened to be relates to it. |
Anonymous
I agree. He's set to get it in the will once my grandmother passes away. He lives about 400 miles away and has some idea in his head that he will sell it for $35k (it's a double wide trailer in Kentucky) because he says he wants to live near one of his kids. I have a brother in CA, he mentioned possibly spending 6 months at his house and 6 months at mine. I told my brother about it and it was the first he had heard of it. He (my brother) suggested dad stay put too. Long story short answer why he "can't" stay: he can but doesn't want to. I guess living with us, eating our food, using our utilities, etc allows 100% of his Social Security to be disposable. He also mentioned that he didn't want to pay $300/yr property tax. (When he said that I felt my head explode because of my property tax in this area)
You're right. I did tell him before but he still says it. At one point he mentioned getting an apartment near me but I think he found out he would spend almost all his social security on rent and now pretends he never mentioned an apartment.
I tend to worry about things and I'm worried he will show up at my door one day "moving in" with no advance notice. |
Anonymous
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I'm going to go with the advice here which I guess i knew all along and tell him no repeatedly.
I don't know why I posted all this, I apologize. I guess I'm trying to blow off some steam. It's really been getting to me. |
Anonymous
| Calm down and just do it. In a calm voice. |
Anonymous
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Let me ask you a question. How will you feel if your dad gets sick and needs additional care. Do you want him to be basically on his own at that point, or would you want to be around him to help him?
If he lives 300 miles away, he is basically going to be on his own. Maybe that's what you want. It does not sound like he was much of a presence in your life. If you do want him to be around, maybe you could help him find some low cost housing nearby. If he is not working he may qualify for assistance. Where do you live? In Arlington there is a new organization for providing assistance to seniors who don't drive themselves around anymore, but it looks like your father doesn't need help with that, just low cost housing. Good luck! For me, I would want my decision now to be one I could live with in the future. |
Anonymous
| Tell him what the rent will be and make sure it's double his SS. |
Anonymous
You're right, he wasn't around much as a child. I got a couple calls a year and maybe stay with him (at my grandparents place) for a few days or a week in the summer a couple of times. I don't want him on the street sick and starving. Living with me sick and at 82 is very different than "retiring" on Social Security at 62 and living with me for 3 decades. My grandmother is approaching 90.
Thanks for the laugh! |
Anonymous
| The fact that he has no savings or retirement and he's announced he's retiring at 62 when his social security will be lower says a lot. OP, you have to be tough and keep saying "no." He will do whatever he can to wear you down. Don't fall for it. |
Anonymous
+1. Be strong OP. You do not owe him anything. |
Anonymous
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Your dad is only 60-years-old. He needs to go get a job sacking groceries or working at McDonalds or somewhere to supplement his retirement and his social security.
62 is way too young for him to retire. If he had no savings, he better see a financial planner and realize he will be working another few more years beyond 62! No way would I allow him to move in, especially if he never bothered to raise you or pay child support until he had no choice. |