My 60 year old dad is "going to retire on social security"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is only 60-years-old. He needs to go get a job sacking groceries or working at McDonalds or somewhere to supplement his retirement and his social security.

62 is way too young for him to retire. If he had no savings, he better see a financial planner and realize he will be working another few more years beyond 62!

No way would I allow him to move in, especially if he never bothered to raise you or pay child support until he had no choice.

Agree 100%!

[Anonymous]

Tell him that he can't live with you, and do not ever let him visit because he will never leave.

[Anonymous]

Exactly. No visits ever again.

Look him straight in the eye. Say no. Repeat as much as you need to. Tell him that he can't visit, but that you would love to visit him (in a hotel).

What a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to go with the advice here which I guess i knew all along and tell him no repeatedly.

I don't know why I posted all this, I apologize. I guess I'm trying to blow off some steam. It's really been getting to me.

It's okay. It's scary to think someone will just show up on your doorstep with a car loaded with boxes and say "hi, roomie!" and it's scary to think of slamming your door in your fathers face.

[Anonymous]

To the person who said he needs to get a job at McDonalds it is very hard for seniors to get jobs. My 64 year old, ex-lawyer mother applied at craft stores, book stores, etc. and never got any call backs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad is only 60-years-old. He needs to go get a job sacking groceries or working at McDonalds or somewhere to supplement his retirement and his social security.

62 is way too young for him to retire. If he had no savings, he better see a financial planner and realize he will be working another few more years beyond 62!

No way would I allow him to move in, especially if he never bothered to raise you or pay child support until he had no choice.

+1

No way. Even great parent-child relationships can be strained by stuff like this.

Okay, fine, he's your father. But the fact that he just announced this without even talking to you about whether it is an option is really, really obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me ask you a question. How will you feel if your dad gets sick and needs additional care. Do you want him to be basically on his own at that point, or would you want to be around him to help him?

If he lives 300 miles away, he is basically going to be on his own. Maybe that's what you want. It does not sound like he was much of a presence in your life.

If you do want him to be around, maybe you could help him find some low cost housing nearby. If he is not working he may qualify for assistance. Where do you live? In Arlington there is a new organization for providing assistance to seniors who don't drive themselves around anymore, but it looks like your father doesn't need help with that, just low cost housing.

Good luck! For me, I would want my decision now to be one I could live with in the future.

You sound like someone who actually had a decent relationship with her parents, as opposed to having parents who were basically neglectful leeches.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear you're in this situation. Best wishes to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I told him he can't live here in out guest room. He laughed a really loud (and fake I might add) laugh and said this: "HAHAHAHAHA I was just kidding about that!" Obviously he wasn't kidding but if it makes him feel better I'm happy to humor him. Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Now I just have to keep strong next time he announces he's living with us...

[Anonymous]

He should try to use his time wisely and contribute to society rather than be a nuisance to you and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the person who said he needs to get a job at McDonalds it is very hard for seniors to get jobs. My 64 year old, ex-lawyer mother applied at craft stores, book stores, etc. and never got any call backs.

Then she needs to keep applying, or find another line of business, e.g. being an evening sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he stay put at your grandparents' home?

I agree. He's set to get it in the will once my grandmother passes away. He lives about 400 miles away and has some idea in his head that he will sell it for $35k (it's a double wide trailer in Kentucky) because he says he wants to live near one of his kids. I have a brother in CA, he mentioned possibly spending 6 months at his house and 6 months at mine. I told my brother about it and it was the first he had heard of it. He (my brother) suggested dad stay put too.

Long story short answer why he "can't" stay: he can but doesn't want to. I guess living with us, eating our food, using our utilities, etc allows 100% of his Social Security to be disposable. He also mentioned that he didn't want to pay $300/yr property tax. (When he said that I felt my head explode because of my property tax in this area)

Anonymous wrote:You need to look him straight in the eyes and lyell him, "dad, m sorry but you can't move in with us. You'll need to come up with an alternate plan."

Then every time past that when he brings it up, remind him. Keep it short, and do NOT give him reasons why.

You're right. I did tell him before but he still says it. At one point he mentioned getting an apartment near me but I think he found out he would spend almost all his social security on rent and now pretends he never mentioned an apartment.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no way. You're not obligated to bring toxicity into your life just because you happened to be relates to it.

I tend to worry about things and I'm worried he will show up at my door one day "moving in" with no advance notice.

And when he shows up, don't let him in. See, this is the point that I would have my DH talk to him
Man to man. I had a similiar father, not quite as bad, he did not try to live with us, but HORRIBLY financially irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Most places really aren't interested in older workers. There have been many articles about this issue. She is fit and healthy but is too tired by the evening to be a night sitter. She'd fall asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most places really aren't interested in older workers. There have been many articles about this issue. She is fit and healthy but is too tired by the evening to be a night sitter. She'd fall asleep.

How about opening a virtual solo shop doing basic bread and butter wills, trusts, standard divorce, etc cases?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he stay put at your grandparents' home?

I agree. He's set to get it in the will once my grandmother passes away. He lives about 400 miles away and has some idea in his head that he will sell it for $35k (it's a double wide trailer in Kentucky) because he says he wants to live near one of his kids. I have a brother in CA, he mentioned possibly spending 6 months at his house and 6 months at mine. I told my brother about it and it was the first he had heard of it. He (my brother) suggested dad stay put too.

Long story short answer why he "can't" stay: he can but doesn't want to. I guess living with us, eating our food, using our utilities, etc allows 100% of his Social Security to be disposable. He also mentioned that he didn't want to pay $300/yr property tax. (When he said that I felt my head explode because of my property tax in this area)

Anonymous wrote:You need to look him straight in the eyes and lyell him, "dad, m sorry but you can't move in with us. You'll need to come up with an alternate plan."

Then every time past that when he brings it up, remind him. Keep it short, and do NOT give him reasons why.

You're right. I did tell him before but he still says it. At one point he mentioned getting an apartment near me but I think he found out he would spend almost all his social security on rent and now pretends he never mentioned an apartment.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell him no way. You're not obligated to bring toxicity into your life just because you happened to be relates to it.

I tend to worry about things and I'm worried he will show up at my door one day "moving in" with no advance notice.

And when he shows up, don't let him in. See, this is the point that I would have my DH talk to him
Man to man. I had a similiar father, not quite as bad, he did not try to live with us, but HORRIBLY financially irresponsible.

This probably should happen before he retires and heads on over to your place. By then, he might have already sold the trailer and gotten rid of things thinking he is all set with you and DH.