My 60 year old dad is "going to retire on social security"

[Anonymous]

Convince him to find a job that's not stressful and not retire, convince him that it's the best thing for his health and finances. He's too young.

[Anonymous]

you need to tell him no. if he tries to wear you down, then cut off contact with him. it sounds like he made poor choices his whole life. his fault, not yours. you are not obligated to put him up after his parents die and he has to move out of their basement.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have the same issue! Except for me, it's my mother. My mother hasn't worked her whole life and has zero social security. She was married to my dad for 20 years and left him for another man. Since she remarried, she forfeited his social security. In addition, the one retirement plan she took of my dads, she cashed in early after husband # 2 left her for another woman (the irony). Of that retirement plan, she was penalized for taking it early and spent it within months. Since her and husband #2 weren't married ten years, she's not eligible for half of his social security. He also fought for his retirement earnings in the divorce and she agreed to not receive any of his if she could walk away from the house they couldn't sell. Now she's in her mid 50's and has no income, no work history and isn't eligible for any social security. She currently lives in a $30,000 home in a small town and is re-engaged to a man in his mid 70s. The new fiancee has several ex-wives and my mother has little to "gain" from marrying him. She lives off her alimony and her fiancee bought her a used car. She said she's not interested in joining the workforce and that its nobodys business. My husband and I live out of state but we're the only ones that are somewhat financially stable. My siblings are not and live paycheck to paycheck. I can't support her and support my own kids. I have no idea how she's going to get by for the next 30 or so years of her life and she gets annoyed when asked.

[Anonymous]

She was married to my dad for 20 years and left him for another man. Since she remarried, she forfeited his social security.

When she finally reaches retirement age (preferably full retirement age) she should check with Social Security. I think, but am not sure, that if she is still unmarried then she might be able to receive benefits on his account. It wouldn't be much, so maybe she doesn't need to know that yet, because she really does need a job of her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She was married to my dad for 20 years and left him for another man. Since she remarried, she forfeited his social security.

When she finally reaches retirement age (preferably full retirement age) she should check with Social Security. I think, but am not sure, that if she is still unmarried then she might be able to receive benefits on his account. It wouldn't be much, so maybe she doesn't need to know that yet, because she really does need a job of her own.

This is right. She doesn't get anything until age 62 at the earliest, but like PP says, she really should wait because your benefit is reduced if you take it early like that. Then, when she takes benefits at age 62 or later, they give her the highest of her own benefit (reduced for taking it early, if applicable) or of the spousal benefit which is 50% of whichever of her two ex-spouses had the higher benefit (and also reduced if she takes it earlier). Then again, if she marries this 70-year-old, she might get 50% of his benefit as his wife and then when he dies, presuming she was still married to him when he died, she gets 100% of his benefit - unless she remarries a fourth time before she's 60 or 62 or some cutoff age like that.

[Anonymous]

^^^17:22 again. I missed the part about how she wasn't married 10 years to the second guy. But since she was married 20 years to the first guy, she's entitled to benefits on his record as long as she stays unmarried.

Or, if she marries the 70-year-old, she gets spousal benefits from the 70-year-old once she turns 62 (or hopefully waits until 66).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^17:22 again. I missed the part about how she wasn't married 10 years to the second guy. But since she was married 20 years to the first guy, she's entitled to benefits on his record as long as she stays unmarried.

Or, if she marries the 70-year-old, she gets spousal benefits from the 70-year-old once she turns 62 (or hopefully waits until 66).

From my understanding, she won't get social security from either husbands because while marriage # 1 lasted a while, she remarried so she therefore forfeited his social security by remarrying husband # 2. Since marriage # 2 didn't last ten years, she doesn't get any of his either. Since her most recent fiancee is 70 and has ex-wives of his own, I don't see how she could see any of his social security either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^17:22 again. I missed the part about how she wasn't married 10 years to the second guy. But since she was married 20 years to the first guy, she's entitled to benefits on his record as long as she stays unmarried.

Or, if she marries the 70-year-old, she gets spousal benefits from the 70-year-old once she turns 62 (or hopefully waits until 66).

From my understanding, she won't get social security from either husbands because while marriage # 1 lasted a while, she remarried so she therefore forfeited his social security by remarrying husband # 2. Since marriage # 2 didn't last ten years, she doesn't get any of his either. Since her most recent fiancee is 70 and has ex-wives of his own, I don't see how she could see any of his social security either.

As long as she was married to Husband #1 for at least 10 years, and is still unmarried, she can get a spouse benefit based on his record once she turns 62. If she was married to both ex-spouses for 10+ years each, and was still unmarried, she'd get the higher of the two spousal benefits (again, once she turns 62). If she remarries again, to this 70-year-old, she can no longer get a benefit on the ex-spouse's record, but she'd get one based on Husband #3's benefit, again once she turns 62.

[Anonymous]

^^^ if she marries and then divorces the 70-year-old, she can still get a benefit based on Husband #1's benefit.

[Anonymous]

Be firm and make it clear it will never happen. If he moves in/'visits' it will be hell to get him out. No no no.

[Anonymous]

How is this even an issue or weighing on your mind?

He can't just move in with you obviously. He will figure out how to take care of himself. He's done it all these years he can continue doing so as long as he is in his right mind. And then the state can step in and he can go to state supported nursing care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to go with the advice here which I guess i knew all along and tell him no repeatedly.

I don't know why I posted all this, I apologize. I guess I'm trying to blow off some steam. It's really been getting to me.

It's okay. It's scary to think someone will just show up on your doorstep with a car loaded with boxes and say "hi, roomie!" and it's scary to think of slamming your door in your fathers face.

Yes, it is. But your dad, to cut to the chase, is basically a grifter. You do not need to enable him. I am sure this must be hard for you, but you and your DH are doing right by your children. Sounds like your ILs did right by your DH and your mom to you. That's where it starts.

Everyone on this thread would like to be like your dad, but you don't get to do that when you're an adult.

[Anonymous]

Just because he ejected his lazy sperm into your mom doesn't mean he gets to freeload for life

[Anonymous]

Start looking for low income housing and give him.a list of shelters, food centers, senior living resources. Tell him to make his own arrangements.

[Anonymous]

No way. I'm a bit younger than your dad but doubt social security will still exist when it is my time. I think the Demos will take it away as an entitlement a la Fank Underwood even though I've paid into it for decades.