Anything a father can or should say to 14 yo dd about boys

[Anonymous]

Dd started HS this year. She Hasn't dated anyone yet, she is conservative, but not shy.
What can a dad do to help her navigate?

I was too shy in HS to even have a conversation with a girl.

[Anonymous]

Why would a 14 year old be dating?

The best thing you can do is be a strong presence in her life instilling confidence and values in her. Treat her well so that she see and believes men are supposed to treat her well. Listen to her and pay attention to her. Know what she is reading and watching.

You don't need to help her navigate dating. If she's not ready to date at 14, all the better. Be there as a resource for her.

[Anonymous]

Another father here. The popular boys are competing for status with each other, in a similar way that girls are competing for status.

(a) Being with a girl the other guys want provides status.

(b) Getting a girl to do things other guys can't get her to do provides even more status. If she goes out with a boy and he tries to get physical, if she goes along with it he is unlikely to keep it a secret. (She won't believe this because HER boy is different.)

(c) Having evidence of (b) provides even more status. If a boy asks her for pictures/souvenirs/etc., they will NOT be kept private - they are trophies for display. (Evidence shows that she won't believe this, either, because HER boy is different.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. The popular boys are competing for status with each other, in a similar way that girls are competing for status.

(a) Being with a girl the other guys want provides status.

(b) Getting a girl to do things other guys can't get her to do provides even more status. If she goes out with a boy and he tries to get physical, if she goes along with it he is unlikely to keep it a secret. (She won't believe this because HER boy is different.)

(c) Having evidence of (b) provides even more status. If a boy asks her for pictures/souvenirs/etc., they will NOT be kept private - they are trophies for display. (Evidence shows that she won't believe this, either, because HER boy is different.)

Anything a father can or should say to 14 yo ds about girls

1. Sexual acts are something that two people do together, willingly, because they want to.
2. Sexual acts are not something that a boy talks an unwilling girl into doing.
3. Sexual acts are not something that you do to increase your status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. The popular boys are competing for status with each other, in a similar way that girls are competing for status.

(a) Being with a girl the other guys want provides status.

(b) Getting a girl to do things other guys can't get her to do provides even more status. If she goes out with a boy and he tries to get physical, if she goes along with it he is unlikely to keep it a secret. (She won't believe this because HER boy is different.)

(c) Having evidence of (b) provides even more status. If a boy asks her for pictures/souvenirs/etc., they will NOT be kept private - they are trophies for display. (Evidence shows that she won't believe this, either, because HER boy is different.)

Anything a father can or should say to 14 yo ds about girls

1. Sexual acts are something that two people do together, willingly, because they want to.
2. Sexual acts are not something that a boy talks an unwilling girl into doing.
3. Sexual acts are not something that you do to increase your status.

As a woman, a grown up woman, I appreciate the thought that went into these two posts. And I understand them. As a 14 year old girl? These thoughts would have confused me, mystified me, and flown completely over my head. I would have had no context at all for them. Giving warnings about situations people can't even imagine or understand is really fruitless.

[Anonymous]

OMG, OP - please don't say anything! My dad totally embarrassed me at that age ... told me I should speak with him if I needed contraception, etc. I was years off needing that talk.

Just be open and friendly to her and her friends - boys included. Don't embarrass her!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another father here. The popular boys are competing for status with each other, in a similar way that girls are competing for status.

(a) Being with a girl the other guys want provides status.

(b) Getting a girl to do things other guys can't get her to do provides even more status. If she goes out with a boy and he tries to get physical, if she goes along with it he is unlikely to keep it a secret. (She won't believe this because HER boy is different.)

(c) Having evidence of (b) provides even more status. If a boy asks her for pictures/souvenirs/etc., they will NOT be kept private - they are trophies for display. (Evidence shows that she won't believe this, either, because HER boy is different.)

Anything a father can or should say to 14 yo ds about girls

1. Sexual acts are something that two people do together, willingly, because they want to.
2. Sexual acts are not something that a boy talks an unwilling girl into doing.
3. Sexual acts are not something that you do to increase your status.

As a woman, a grown up woman, I appreciate the thought that went into these two posts. And I understand them. As a 14 year old girl? These thoughts would have confused me, mystified me, and flown completely over my head. I would have had no context at all for them. Giving warnings about situations people can't even imagine or understand is really fruitless.

It's what fathers are supposed to tell their 14-year-old sons.

[Anonymous]

Always use a condom and try not to be with two boys in the same night.

[Anonymous]

Simple: Teenage boys are driven by hormones. They will say anything and to anything to get off. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple: Teenage boys are driven by hormones. They will say anything and to anything to get off. Be careful.

They've got one thing on their mind. One thing.

[Anonymous]

There is a blog I read "A Mighty Girl". They recently had a post for Middle School, High School and Beyond.

http://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=4352

There are so many things as parents we need to help our children navigate. Give them the tools, make them know you are always there.

You might find something on the blog that resonates with you and your relationship with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple: Teenage boys are driven by hormones. They will say anything and to anything to get off. Be careful.

They've got one thing on their mind. One thing.

Do you have a son? Is that what you think of your son?

[Anonymous]

People! This is a DAD planning to talk to his SON. Not daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People! This is a DAD planning to talk to his SON. Not daughter.

Eh? The title says "DD" ... that's a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple: Teenage boys are driven by hormones. They will say anything and to anything to get off. Be careful.

They've got one thing on their mind. One thing.

Ugh. This is such a harmful stance. It pressures those boys who -don't- have "one thing on their mind" to behave as though they do. It basically tell boys, "if you're not gay, you're an asshole to women." And then we wonder why so many boys are assholes to women!