Rude In-Laws
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Anonymous
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I have been married to my husband for 14 years. Over the years, I have had a very cordial relationship with his family. His mother and sister live about one hour away and would frequently come over on holidays and a few other days throughout the year. My husband is not exceptionally close to them, but they talk occasionally (mostly when they need something, birthdays, etc.). My husband and I would have both described our relationship with them as "good".
My mother passed away in January, who I took care of for three years before she passed. My MIL and SIL would come over occasionally and sit and talk with her and even came over for her final birthday. When my mother died, I did not receive a call, text, card...NOTHING from them at all (and yes they knew)! They did not even bother to call to check on my two kids. I am furious and I want nothing to do with these people ever again. When my MIL did finally come over 6 weeks after the death of my mother, I told her how hurt I was by her lack of compassion toward me and her grandchildren. I have not spoken with the SIL. My husband is constantly bending over backwards to help them with various things like making repairs in their home, etc and I am starting to feel resentment toward him. I don't understand how he can be go giving and accommodating towards them when they totally disregarded my feelings and those of my children when when we needed the most support. What are your thoughts? |
Anonymous
| I would be pissed at them but you can't blame your DH for helping his elderly mother. |
Anonymous
| You have to let this go. Some people just don't handle things well. That doesn't mean they aren't good people. |
Anonymous
| what was her response when you said that to her? |
Anonymous
Well said |
Anonymous
| OP here- My MIL said that she wanted to give me space. That really made no sense to me because I have seen her run over to people's houses with food, etc.. when they lose a family member. I realized that maybe she never liked me and I just never knew. Even if she didn't know what to say, she could have sent a card to let me know she cared. BTW, she is not elderly at all and gets around better than most 30 year olds. |
Anonymous
| Was there a wake or a funeral? Did they attend any services? |
Anonymous
Did she apologize? |
Anonymous
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" I realized that maybe she never liked me and I just never knew"
Op, you're being ridiculous. Never the less, I'm sorry for your loss |
Anonymous
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Some people are really weird about deaths. It always surprises me who does freaky and odd things during a mourning period. I think it was a bad call for your MIL not to even call, but I would let it go. I can on,y imagine the pain you feel at losing your mother, and how raw that pain maybe still is. But alienating yourself from your ILs won't give you the satisfaction you think. It won't teach them a lesson they probably need to learn either. And it may harm your marriage and even your children, who now only have one grandmother. My advice, from a total strange, is to just accept the ILs for being insensitive, you don't have to go out of your way to kiss their ass, but don't cut them off either.
So sorry about your mom. |
Anonymous
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OP here- Yes she did apologize and there was no funeral, as my mother made me vow not to have one, and this request was also in her will. What I did do is send out a memorial book with pictures of her over the years, obituary, etc. to family and friends, including my MIL and SIL.
Thanks for the feedback. If I am being ridiculous, I want to know, and maybe I am. It just hurts so much to lose my mother and not have the support I expected to receive. If I am being crazy, then I need to find a way to move forward, and it sounds like that is the consensus here. |
Anonymous
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OP, they suck. What they did sucks. There is some rebuilding to do, which time will help with. As a PP said, your kids need their grandmother, even if she can act kinda shitty and insensitive. Since she apologized, just give it time. You might email your SIL and let her know how hurt you are (show the email to a friend before sending it!).
It hurts to lose your mom. I'm so sorry. It hurts that much more when your in-laws let you down so badly. They should have been there for you. Your husband should have told his mom to get in touch with you after your mom died. But try not to be mad at him for helping his mother out. |
Anonymous
Sorry for your loss. Since there was no funeral maybe they were unsure how to act or what that meant. I feel like your husband should have communicated to them your desire for them to come by, etc. |
Anonymous
OP, they messed up. And she apologized. Accept, make peace with it and move forward. the end of the day, they can't undo it and more importantly, it won't bring your mom back. |
Anonymous
| OP, would you consider grief counseling? When I lost my mom, I wound up being angry at a lot of things that never would have bothered me to that extent before her death. I was too upset to see the reason I was so angry was because I was so angry at the loss of my mom, and not the offending person |