Politically Incorrect Private School Thread What Do You Really Think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

[Anonymous]

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Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so glad your independent school is working out well for your DC.

I do think it's funny because of the stereotypes that everyone has about who receives FA. We'll probably fly under the radar for a while because DS is blonde and blue-eyed, and is as likely to be wearing Hanna or Tea Collection as he is to be wearing Circo or Garanimals (I love shopping at thrift stores and buy a lot of name-brand clothes). At some point I guess they'll figure it out, but I have a really hard time believing that the kids will care. Grownups tend to be more preoccupied with that stuff.

I don't know...we live in a tiny original brick colonial (the kind all over NWDC, Bethesda, Silver Spring, built in 1939/40...). Some private school friends came to visit and one asked, "Why is your house so small?" The mother was mortified.

I find it hard to host playdates as the wealthier kids just have nicer set-ups for plays (HUGE basements, BIG tvs, TONS of toys, etc). However, we do host kids at the pool, park, etc, to kind of even it out.

It gets easier when they're older. My 5th grade ds's friends don't care how tiny our house is. They only notice the big tv, the xbox, and the snacks.

Really, you don't sound like a private parent to me. Kids and students segregate by SES at our private.

I apologize if I'm not living up to what you believe I should "sound" like. Try ignoring the status lines. Invite a kid over of a different SES. The segregation is only there because parents like you perpetuate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

+1. At Big 3 schools some kids do get cars. I know a few of these kids (not my own kid) personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

I think the second pp is projecting his/her insecurity. Have have 3 kids and we have been in the big 3 system for 8 years ( 1 Beauvoir, 1 STA, 1 NCS). We are not rich (house much smaller and crappy inside, ok but not beautiful NW DC neighborhood) and my kids are not white (black/white biracial) and I have not noticed any difference in treatment by kids or parents. Kids are invited to parties both as part of the whole class and subsets of the class. I sometimes feel anxious about our circumstances but I do not see any difference in treatment of my kids. My husband and I and our kids get invited to the country clubs, beautiful vacation homes, on vacation etc. when we can afford it we go and when we can't we say we can't afford it that year, period. We reciprocate in ways that we can. In the 8 years I've known these families we are getting closer, invitations have not dried up and our kids are thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

I think the second pp is projecting his/her insecurity. Have have 3 kids and we have been in the big 3 system for 8 years ( 1 Beauvoir, 1 STA, 1 NCS). We are not rich (house much smaller and crappy inside, ok but not beautiful NW DC neighborhood) and my kids are not white (black/white biracial) and I have not noticed any difference in treatment by kids or parents. Kids are invited to parties both as part of the whole class and subsets of the class. I sometimes feel anxious about our circumstances but I do not see any difference in treatment of my kids. My husband and I and our kids get invited to the country clubs, beautiful vacation homes, on vacation etc. when we can afford it we go and when we can't we say we can't afford it that year, period. We reciprocate in ways that we can. In the 8 years I've known these families we are getting closer, invitations have not dried up and our kids are thriving.

I agree with your attitude. You do what you can and don't get all wrapped up in the nonsense. All the stuff mentioned seems to affect those more if they let it. Good for you and I hope your kids continue to thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

I think the second pp is projecting his/her insecurity. Have have 3 kids and we have been in the big 3 system for 8 years ( 1 Beauvoir, 1 STA, 1 NCS). We are not rich (house much smaller and crappy inside, ok but not beautiful NW DC neighborhood) and my kids are not white (black/white biracial) and I have not noticed any difference in treatment by kids or parents. Kids are invited to parties both as part of the whole class and subsets of the class. I sometimes feel anxious about our circumstances but I do not see any difference in treatment of my kids. My husband and I and our kids get invited to the country clubs, beautiful vacation homes, on vacation etc. when we can afford it we go and when we can't we say we can't afford it that year, period. We reciprocate in ways that we can. In the 8 years I've known these families we are getting closer, invitations have not dried up and our kids are thriving.

Not insecure at all and have dealt successfully in the big 3 system for over eleven years with two DCs; however, they're not biracial, AA. One DC thrived at NCS, categorically, just not socially. Fortunately, her social life took off in college. Both DCs are considered to be very friendly and we reciprocate invitations. Our family doesn't hang out with the country club set. We are very close with a hand full of families and that's just fine as most of our relationships are away from the Close. From our experience, there is a social divide during the upper school years and it has a lot to do with socio-economic differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

Mr. Capulet, is that you?

There's always a knot of kids who are excessively impressed by each other's possessions, but that's just one clique. Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on per Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

'cept when they ask: [i]Where's the rest of your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on per Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

'cept when they ask: [i]Where's the rest of your house?

Why so scared? I'm not afraid of a kid's question.

Need a script? "Just like people are different and families are different, houses are different. Some are big and some are small. Some people live in apartments, some people live in castles, and some people live in boats!"

(Explained in exactly the same tone of voice, this works equally well for an inquisitive six-year-old and a snarky teenager.)

A question is a question. You are the one layering the shame and judgment on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on per Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

'cept when they ask: [i]Where's the rest of your house?

I call BS on this post. No kid from a well to do family would ask that question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on per Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

'cept when they ask: [i]Where's the rest of your house?

I call BS on this post. No kid from a well to do family would ask that question.

Exactly, b/c these kids know that people can have more than one house and know better than to judge others on the size of their country cottage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on per Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

'cept when they ask: [i]Where's the rest of your house?

LOL! This reminds me of my aunt who got asked this question from a relative who lives in the 'burbs in New Jersey. The aunt live in Manhattan in an apt that probably cost 5 times as much as the relative's McMansion.

[Anonymous]

You will stop worrying about what other people say about you when you realize how seldom they actually talk about you. Believe it or not, others have busy lives too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on per Most kids really don't care -- and they choose their friends themselves.

'cept when they ask: [i]Where's the rest of your house?

I call BS on this post. No kid from a well to do family would ask that question.

I'm a different poster from the one above re "rest of house," but yes, I was asked by a 4th grader ( I think!) "Why is your house so small?" We live in one of those small 700K "tear-downs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

I can say for certain that this is not true at Sidwell. My child received FA and he has never mentioned feeling left out of anything because of our small home, etc. His friends come from all different circumstances and he has dated girls from very wealthy families ( as well as girls from middle class families.) He has also dated girls of diverse racial, and religious backgrounds, as well as girls who are from international families. I really think the PPs who claim that that the big 3 are full of wealthy snobs have no first hand experience at least not with Sidwell US. I have no knowledge of the other schools.