In Desperate need of relationship for a new relationship???

[Anonymous]

I really need your help with this situation. I'm in a new relationship with a guy who I care for very much. But everything is not perfect. He's not working (but job hunting), still very dependent on his family, has low self esteem and still tends to be very passive. When we first started talking I didn't think i would really actually want a date with this guy. He was too needy and depressed. He tends to like to throw alot of pity parties for himself and loves to point the blame. When people ask for my advice I'm usually brutally honest. Instead if fully dropping him like everyone else does I gave him a chance and fell for him. I broke my rule and did a house date and I'm kinda glad I did. He spent the weekend over here. I enjoyed spending the time is, but it quickly got frustrating. I was the one who had to supply everything. All my food rations that I had planned for one person went down the drain and were ate up in two days. He would be hinting that he needed money for transportation and this and that. I would brush it off. I'm determined NOT to be his Sugar momma. I don't want to be like Nikko and Mimi. I feel like I've made this clear. And I'm attempting to set boundaries. I'm been helping him look for jobs and even forwarded him to a job fair. I felt like I had to do most of the pushing for this job fair. He seemed to not care if he was on time. Honestly this made me pretty frustrated. At the end of the day, I think he views me as selfish.

Btw I'm far from perfect either. Due to my past I have a lot of trust and abandonment issues. A lot of people would say I'm living above my means. I'm living a fancy apartment that I can't afford but pushed to get in. I needed the apartment for the location. I think people think I'm rich but I'm not I'm actually poor. I'm work three jobs and I am still working hard to get my GED
and my license.

Anyways yesterday, me and him had a huge fight. I went through his phone and saw these text messages between him and all these other females. I made to read all of them so I didn't get anything wrong. He's talking to these females like he doesn't have a girlfriend. When I confronted him. He immediately got defensive and told me I was lying. I read everything. I became upset having to sit here and have him defend these females in my face and I destroyed his phone. I know I was wrong here...but I was hurt. From there it was constant fighting all day. He then became stand offish towards me and flipped the advice I gave him to say a was criticizing him. I honestly don't know how to fix this or move forward. Please help.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh, this is a no-brainer. This is not a man you should be in any kind of relationship with, and the two of you are toxic together. Please end it and get some therapy to figure out why you would even consider him as a partner - do not get involved in another relationship until you have worked on yourself. There's really no other advice to give as the relationship isn't workable.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this might be a troll post, but in the event it's serious...

You already know this isn't going to work out. Just rip off the bandaid, end it, and concentrate on your GED and your work so you don't lose the fancy apartment. (Or consider living beneath your means - you're not fooling anyone with the apartment if they know you have 3 jobs. Nobody "rich" has 3 jobs.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this might be a troll post, but in the event it's serious...

You already know this isn't going to work out. Just rip off the bandaid, end it, and concentrate on your GED and your work so you don't lose the fancy apartment. (Or consider living beneath your means - you're not fooling anyone with the apartment if they know you have 3 jobs. Nobody "rich" has 3 jobs.)

+1

Of all the things you posted about him, there are NO redeeming qualities. Not a single one. And trust me, the sex isn't worth it.

Aside from his poor attitude, his unemployment, his desire to have YOU pay for everything, the fact he's cheating on you should be enough for you to dump him.

Only someone with VERY POOR self esteem would put up with this crap.

Please don't make a baby with this loser, because that means you're a loser too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Please don't make a baby with this loser, because that means you're a loser too.

They're both equally losers. I don't see how she's any better than him.

[Anonymous]

Move on otherwise you will be posting here in due course about your failed marriage.

[Anonymous]

So what is the attraction with him?

[Anonymous]

He honestly to me seems like a sweet guy. Just that Hess going through a hard times when I'm with him I'm treated like a queen.

[Anonymous]

1. Leave this man child to his mother.

2. Get therapy and try to figure out why you ended up in this situation.

3. Work on yourself. Finish you GED, etc. Learn a skill that will get you a decent job.

4. THEN find a man.

[Anonymous]

Also, HE needs therapy too.

[Anonymous]

Wow this is going to be hard

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. Red flag, no make that neon red blinking signs saying run from this relationship. If this is a true post, here are the big things that caught my attention

1. You said he points the blame at everyone else. You don't want to be in a relationship with a person that won't take responsibility for his/her actions. My kids are in elementary school and we've had this discussion. I've seen what happens when someone always says it's the other person's fault and never ever looks at their own actions ...yes goes thru a lot of jobs, yes has a lot of volatile relationships
2. Umm, why are you more invested in a job for him than he is? With my own kids I will guide but I won't do the work for them. He is a grown man and you are doing all the legwork. If he is going to make a favorable impressions he is going to need to show employers that he is motivated.
3. Lack of thoughtfulness. He didn't offer to help pay for the food, it doesn't seem like he tried to come up with a low cost outing to show how much he appreciated your thoughtfulness. Oh and he is going out with other woman.
4. Remember while people can change, you can't change people. Repeat as often as you need. I used to get wound up until I realized, no I can't change people, only my reaction/boundaries to their foolishness.

[Anonymous]

OP take in a stray puppy. That's really what you want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He honestly to me seems like a sweet guy. Just that Hess going through a hard times when I'm with him I'm treated like a queen.

He treats you like a queen? You are paying for stuff and you are NOT THE ONLY WOMAN HE IS TREATING LIKE A QUEEN.

His job is to get dumb women like you to bankroll him. Give him some money so he can spend it on another woman and make her feel like a queen. You want to stsy with him, fine. Don't bit*h about it. And do not have kids w him. He will never pay child support and will move on to the next sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy. Red flag, no make that neon red blinking signs saying run from this relationship. If this is a true post, here are the big things that caught my attention

1. You said he points the blame at everyone else. You don't want to be in a relationship with a person that won't take responsibility for his/her actions. My kids are in elementary school and we've had this discussion. I've seen what happens when someone always says it's the other person's fault and never ever looks at their own actions ...yes goes thru a lot of jobs, yes has a lot of volatile relationships
2. Umm, why are you more invested in a job for him than he is? With my own kids I will guide but I won't do the work for them. He is a grown man and you are doing all the legwork. If he is going to make a favorable impressions he is going to need to show employers that he is motivated.
3. Lack of thoughtfulness. He didn't offer to help pay for the food, it doesn't seem like he tried to come up with a low cost outing to show how much he appreciated your thoughtfulness. Oh and he is going out with other woman.
4. Remember while people can change, you can't change people. Repeat as often as you need. I used to get wound up until I realized, no I can't change people, only my reaction/boundaries to their foolishness.

I agree with everything you're saying. My thing is I was like him a few years ago until I got tired enough to get up and change. This is why I was willing to give him a chance. The only thing is got from me was $5 for the bus and I brought him a new phone since I totaled his. Only because I feel like it was the right thing to do, let me just say I told him I would not be doing all the work for him to find a job. I need a BETTER job myself. I'f I see or hear of something I simply pass around the word. And I can't lie he did attempt to think of free stuff but most of it involved outdoors and I dislike outdoors and bugs. He left some stuff at my house and I'm thinking I will just Neil them and his phone to him and cut off ties.