Need your honest take on this situation with my sister in law

[Anonymous]

Hope I can explain this where it won't sound too confusing. Will do my best, would really love your take on this.

Went on a short trip (5 days) with my sister in law. She said she was on a strict hotel budget so I said I would book the hotels and that she could contribute what she felt was fair. (she said 500 was her total hotel budget) the hotels came to about 2000.00 and I was OK with that. Second hotel we had an issue and they comped us so instead of it being 2000 it came out in total to about 1400. So then at end of trip she wrote me a check for 300. Saying she had planned on about 135 a night as her budget and since we got one night free and cut our trip one night short she came up with just paying 300 vs. 500. To me, if her budget was 500 then thats what she should contribute she is still making out like a bandit since I paid over 1400. She is standing firm, and I am really not sure about who is right and who is wrong. I am a reasonable and generous person but somehow this doesn't feel right and i feel like shes being cheap. She is by no means on poverty row, they own two homes have 3 cars, upper middle class she spends 100 on her 12 year daughters outfits like shes buying bubble gum.

If most of you think I need to let it go and that she is right I am willing to accept it and move along. Really curious to hear what you think. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

She's a greedy bitch. All you can do now is let it go. But never go with her again.

[Anonymous]

She's in the wrong. But I wouldn't get into it with her.

It's a lesson for the future. An expensive lesson, but still worth learning.

[Anonymous]

You're right. She's the unreasonable one who is wrong but I'm sorry you still have to accept it and move on. Can your husband talk his brother or your brother talk to his wife? Not sure how she's your sil

[Anonymous]

Disrespectful and greedy. I think I would not vacation with them again. No matter what the budget was, for her to skimp on that after you already paid 3/4 of the bill is just sending a message. Some people are very weird about money.

[Anonymous]

^^ But since she is your SIL you just have to move on, sorry.

[Anonymous]

This is the last time you pay anything for her, except token birthday and holiday gifts (and don't spend too much time thinking about those either).

[Anonymous]

Agree with all pp's.

[Anonymous]

She is wrong. Let it go but lesson learned- don't travel with her again.

[Anonymous]

She's wrong but move past it unless you want to start a family feud.

[Anonymous]

She's a sleaze, but you should let it go.

[Anonymous]

Some people are weird about money. She's one of them. Lesson learned - I'd just avoid doing anything with her that mixes money in the future. I wouldn't sever the relationship over $200, but I wouldn't doing anything like that again with her either.

[Anonymous]

Your fault. You set the rules by telling her that she could contribute what she felt was fair, knowing that she had a strict budget of $500. Your trip was for three nights instead of five. She is paying a prorated amount based on three nights stay.

Your mistake was offering to let her pay what she felt was fair. This was a big no no! Instead you should have asked for a fixed amount. You were way to flexible.

[Anonymous]

That's a nasty thing to do, but agree with PP, you kind of set yourself up for it. Always use percentages when negotiating....

[Anonymous]

You said, "I will book the hotel and you can pay what you think is fair." In the end, she paid you what she thought was fair. And you are surprised because?

Your fair and her fair are not the same. It is often true that people have different concepts of fairness.

I actually think that you are in the wrong as well. She was upfront with you about having a $500 budget for hotels. You booked hotels that exceeded her budget and put her in the position of not being able to pay her fair share. That was not very kind. Is there a reason why you could not have booked lower rate hotel? If you had matched her contribution equally, you still would have had $200 a night for a 5 night trip. Even in NYC, you can book a decent hotel for under $200. It might take some research, but it can be done.

Also, frankly, it is not for you to determine how she should prioritize spending her money, which you are doing when you say, she has 3 cars and buys her kids expensive outfits, so why can't she pay for this? You have no idea what her complete financial obligations are, so don't judge how much money she should spend. I really find it outrageous and wasteful that you would spend $400+ a night on a hotel room, when perfectly adequate rooms could be found for less.

You mentioned that you had an "issue" that resulted in a room comp. Presumably this "issue" caused some kind of discomfort or lesser enjoyment of the room, which is what caused you to get the comp. SIL bore half of the "discomfort" that caused the hotel to comp you. Why should SIL pay full price on that and you take the entire discount? That seems inequitable to me.

I would not be "mad" at SIL, but just know that you and she have different world views and in the future, particularly when it comes to money, it would be better for you to be more explicit about the exact obligations.