Need your honest take on this situation with my sister in law

[Anonymous]

She was wrong. I don't care what you said, bottom line is she offered to pay 500.00, she should have paid it along with a big thank you to you for allowing her to stay in the fancy rooms you booked and mostly paid for! That is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

I think she is being weird and stingy but I am trying really hard to see it from her point of view.

I feel like it's possible you have gone on trips together before and she feels that $500 is too much to spend on a room, so she tried to tell you her budget up front. You would not be having this problem, probably, if you had stayed at an econolodge for $250/night for 4 nights and split the bill down the middle. While it is true that she benefitted from staying at a 5 star hotel just like you did, she told you up front, by telling you her budget, that the 5 star thing wasn't important to her. It was only important to you. (The fact that they have 2 homes and 3 cars might be playing into this -- they might have a bunch of debt and her budget for HERSELF, as opposed to a family vacation or her children -- might be comparatively small. Like mine is. In our house we might spend $5000 on a family vacation, but I would have a hard time justifying $1000 in hotel expenses just for myself.)

With that being said, I don't think it's right for her to just pay $300, unless the incident that the hotel comped you two for inconvenienced her a great deal. I can sort of understand her deducting 1 day's hotel from her share, since you were supposed to stay 4 nights and only stayed 3, and she had a daily hotel budget and she told you upfront her 4 night budget was $500. If it was $500 for 4 nights and you only stayed 3, I can understand her taking out 1 night, because she doesn't care about the quality of hotel and she didn't get the benefit of that one extra night.

However, if she truly doesn't care about the quality of the hotel, she shouldn't get to benefit from the 1 night that was comped to you both, unless she was really inconvenienced by what caused the comping, like kept up all night or had no air conditioning or was inadvertently set on fire, etc. If the quality of the hotel doesn't matter to her then the benefit of the comping should run entirely to you. Under her own calculations, that should bring her up to something closer to $400 than $300.

Like I said, I wouldn't do what she's doing to you, but it could be that she has a tighter budget FOR HERSELF than you do, and that is causing her to act this way. However, if she is dropping $500 regularly on purchases or solo vacations for herself, I don't know what to say or how to try to justify her behavior besides selfishness and stinginess. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money brings out the worst in people. Years ago someone I was very good friends with who is a multi millionaire and lives in a 8 million dollar home got into an argument with me in a restaurant over my suggestion that we split the bill when I had a lobster club and she had a burger. I had put up with her stinginess for years but that was a final straw as she made such a big deal about it, she was draped in an outfit that probably cost 3k and here she was fuming over a 12.00 price differential. That was the final straw and was ugly to watch.

When its money she spends on herself there were no limits but she had a real hangup about God forbid handing out a few dollars to anyone, even those she cared about. It was a deplorable trait and even worst when someone has an excess of money.

I just have no tolerance and OP you are totally right to feel the way you do, she took full advantage of the discount you got and used it as an opportunity to even less than the 25% she was only paying to begin with. Talk about nerve!!! I think you need to stand your ground and tell her how you feel, but if her relationship means something, in the end maybe agree to disagree and know that in the future, you might want to consider each staying in your own hotels with your own bills.

We all know people like this! Drive you nuts! But now that I have a lot more money, I noticed this: Since you spend, spend, spend all the time, all at once you get tired of it and won't spend even $1. (to make up for it? b/c your tired od it ? It seems like you should save somewhere --but not on my jewelry !!) Then when you are there with the lunch, it all just seems like "gotta stop somewhere!" But so unfair to the person who is the recipient of this spending guilt.

In this case it seems a bit passive aggressive of the other sister. Like she is boiling jealous and the other sis does not notice.

[Anonymous]

OP here she really didn't have much of a issue with room it was absolutely more me, it didn't even cross her mind to speak to management, it was MY doing.

In other words if we were each paying even steven for our share, this refund would have totally been mine, she was not inconvenienced and it was my doing that this even happened to begin with!

She is really stubborn and has a hard time admitting when shes wrong so something tells me this will not be an easy battle to win but I wrote her a quick note to explain my thoughts and feelings on the matter.

[Anonymous]

OP, since you had enough money to foot the bill on most of the hotel I assume you aren't hurting over the $150 or whatever it is. I wouldn't go WWIII over this since it's family bc the money isn't worth it. She was cheap. Spend less on Xmas and birthday gifts. Don't go on more trips with them.

[Anonymous]

I think it is important she knows how you feel. You need to sometimes spell things out for people like this, they cannot see beyond their own selfish antics and it does not sound like she is on poverty row.

Understand it this way- You didn't decide to pay less of the pie because of the deduction so what makes her think she should? Its ridiculous and really nervy if you ask me. Family or no family, what she did is wrong and you need to speak up so she thinks twice about doing something like this again.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter how you feel. You were willing to vacation with her knowing things would be sketch. Why I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter how you feel. You were willing to vacation with her knowing things would be sketch. Why I don't know.

+1000 The OP sounds kind of birdy and focuses a little too much on her SIL's lifestyle yet she is the one who booked the expensive hotels in the first place to go antiquing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter how you feel. You were willing to vacation with her knowing things would be sketch. Why I don't know.

None of us know the particulars so dont' judge sounds like they have a mutual interest (antiquing) i am very OCD when it comes to hotels and am super picky, probably OP is too. So be it, she was nice enough to pick up the difference, very generous if you ask me. At contributing 500 the SIL was faring very well, living five star at a two star price (for her). For her to be anything less than gracious in accepting this agreement is disgusting behavior. At 500 she was making out really well and getting to enjoy all the perks OP was for a fraction of the price, how cheap can one be. If she said she was poor or on welfare then in that case I get it, but come on!

OP I would say my piece and move on, know with people like that they dont' care about who and how they screw people as long as they save the almighty dollar. Know what you are dealing with. If there is a next time you want to consider suggesting you each do your own thing as far as hotels. She won't have to wonder why!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is important she knows how you feel. You need to sometimes spell things out for people like this, they cannot see beyond their own selfish antics and it does not sound like she is on poverty row.

Understand it this way- You didn't decide to pay less of the pie because of the deduction so what makes her think she should? Its ridiculous and really nervy if you ask me. Family or no family, what she did is wrong and you need to speak up so she thinks twice about doing something like this again.

THIS IS ON THE MONEY

[Anonymous]

You are doing the right thing by telling her how you feel. I think its silly to just blow her off in the future without an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Fool me once, shame on you.


Don't let her take advantage of you again. Let his one go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said, "I will book the hotel and you can pay what you think is fair." In the end, she paid you what she thought was fair. And you are surprised because?
.

[Anonymous]

The agreement was each would pay a certain amount. Getting a freebie did not discount things for her. She said 500 and that's what she should pay. End of story. To bag out of it and try to pro rate it because of the freebie that OP got (not her) is just ludicrous and ballsy beyond belief. I would have to second guess another trip with someone who could be that cheap.

[Anonymous]

It's your fault op. Why the hell did u book a. $2000 hotel when her budget was $500. Your fault. And they brought the price down to $1400. So you think the whole discount should be applied to you? I'm sorry it may not be fair but ur whole arrangement sounds stupid. Don't travel with someone who can't afford it and then be mad. And don't book so out of their budget or go for less days or not at all. I never would have booked this without discussing it upfront.