Best online dating for a shy 33 y.o. F who needs to take things slow

[Anonymous]

My 33 year old cousin has never really been in a relationship. She's sweet, thin, very pretty but super shy. She was my aunt's menopause baby and my aunt had health problems when my cousin entered ES. She has always been my aunt's caretaker. I think this contributed to her not really pursuing a love life beyond a date to prom and maybe a few dates in college. She is almost certainly a virgin but not for religious reasons. As my aunt grows older, I worry about my cousin being alone suddenly at say age 40. It's occurred to me that she might be open to online dating if there was a site that takes things slow. She is not religious so something like Christian singles is not a good fit.

[Anonymous]

I'm a few years out of the dating scene now, but I'd look into eHarmony for her. Maybe you could gift her a 6 month membership?

Her story is similar to tha of my cousin's husband. He took care of his parents all his adult life, was single and in his 50's when they passed. Met my cousin, they fell in love, married, had 2 kids and are still together over 20 years later. There's hope for her yet!

[Anonymous]

Can you think of any guys you could introduce her to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a few years out of the dating scene now, but I'd look into eHarmony for her. Maybe you could gift her a 6 month membership?

Her story is similar to tha of my cousin's husband. He took care of his parents all his adult life, was single and in his 50's when they passed. Met my cousin, they fell in love, married, had 2 kids and are still together over 20 years later. There's hope for her yet!

This is encouraging! I will definitely look into paying for eHarmony for her. It would definitely need to be slow and not just guys looking for hookups.

[Anonymous]

she needs to be prepared to receive many (and I mean tons) of unwanted contacts from a bunch of caveman - online dating is just another forum for douche bags to prey on women.

that said, help her put together a meaningful profile and post nice, flattering pictures of her. it's best to use a paid service like match or e-harmony rather than a free site (the free ones attract all orders of mouth breathers)

she needs to have a clear sense of the type of guy she wants - older, younger, tall, race, education, never married, divorced, kids, no kids, etc. not to use this as hard criteria but it helps. depending on what she really wants - just a boyfriend or a real LTR (though if she hasn't really been in a serious relationship yet, this can be a red flag for mature guys, especially divorcees).

I'm a divorced dad and I use an online site - but I don't rely on it. I do get a number of women contacting me first - nothing like what an attractive woman will receive in terms of an overflowing inbox, so she needs to take a deep breath and remember this is not a sprint. tell her to trust her gut instinct - it will keep her on the right path.

GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you think of any guys you could introduce her to?

The single men I know are older and mostly have kids. I think she has been in caretaker mode for too long (her whole life really). I'd like her to meet a guy who wants her for her and not her ability to run a household smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she needs to be prepared to receive many (and I mean tons) of unwanted contacts from a bunch of caveman - online dating is just another forum for douche bags to prey on women.

that said, help her put together a meaningful profile and post nice, flattering pictures of her. it's best to use a paid service like match or e-harmony rather than a free site (the free ones attract all orders of mouth breathers)

she needs to have a clear sense of the type of guy she wants - older, younger, tall, race, education, never married, divorced, kids, no kids, etc. not to use this as hard criteria but it helps. depending on what she really wants - just a boyfriend or a real LTR (though if she hasn't really been in a serious relationship yet, this can be a red flag for mature guys, especially divorcees).

I'm a divorced dad and I use an online site - but I don't rely on it. I do get a number of women contacting me first - nothing like what an attractive woman will receive in terms of an overflowing inbox, so she needs to take a deep breath and remember this is not a sprint. tell her to trust her gut instinct - it will keep her on the right path.

GL

Thanks!

Her gut instinct is not developed at all. My young adult daughter who is 11 years younger than my cousin is light years ahead in understanding men. My cousin has admitted to a few celebrity crushes so I can guess from that what type of guy she thinks is attractive, though that may not be realistic in terms of looking for a guy roughly her own age. It would be nice if she met a guy and they chatted online for a few weeks before meeting in real life. I'm not joking about the virgin thing. She went to prom with her BIL's younger brother and they kissed so I know she's had at least that much experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a few years out of the dating scene now, but I'd look into eHarmony for her. Maybe you could gift her a 6 month membership?

Her story is similar to tha of my cousin's husband. He took care of his parents all his adult life, was single and in his 50's when they passed. Met my cousin, they fell in love, married, had 2 kids and are still together over 20 years later. There's hope for her yet!

what was the age gap between your cousin and the guy?

[Anonymous]

eharmony might work then b/c I remember it taking quite a while to actually get to the stage where you message each other back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a few years out of the dating scene now, but I'd look into eHarmony for her. Maybe you could gift her a 6 month membership?

Her story is similar to tha of my cousin's husband. He took care of his parents all his adult life, was single and in his 50's when they passed. Met my cousin, they fell in love, married, had 2 kids and are still together over 20 years later. There's hope for her yet!

what was the age gap between your cousin and the guy?

Over 20 years, I believe. She was in her late 20's, he was in his early 50's. one of the happiest married couples I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she needs to be prepared to receive many (and I mean tons) of unwanted contacts from a bunch of caveman - online dating is just another forum for douche bags to prey on women.

that said, help her put together a meaningful profile and post nice, flattering pictures of her. it's best to use a paid service like match or e-harmony rather than a free site (the free ones attract all orders of mouth breathers)

she needs to have a clear sense of the type of guy she wants - older, younger, tall, race, education, never married, divorced, kids, no kids, etc. not to use this as hard criteria but it helps. depending on what she really wants - just a boyfriend or a real LTR (though if she hasn't really been in a serious relationship yet, this can be a red flag for mature guys, especially divorcees).

I'm a divorced dad and I use an online site - but I don't rely on it. I do get a number of women contacting me first - nothing like what an attractive woman will receive in terms of an overflowing inbox, so she needs to take a deep breath and remember this is not a sprint. tell her to trust her gut instinct - it will keep her on the right path.

GL

She might be clueless, yet have more experience than you realize. I remember family who assumed I was still a virgin, because I was very private.

Thanks!

Her gut instinct is not developed at all. My young adult daughter who is 11 years younger than my cousin is light years ahead in understanding men. My cousin has admitted to a few celebrity crushes so I can guess from that what type of guy she thinks is attractive, though that may not be realistic in terms of looking for a guy roughly her own age. It would be nice if she met a guy and they chatted online for a few weeks before meeting in real life. I'm not joking about the virgin thing. She went to prom with her BIL's younger brother and they kissed so I know she's had at least that much experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she needs to be prepared to receive many (and I mean tons) of unwanted contacts from a bunch of caveman - online dating is just another forum for douche bags to prey on women.

that said, help her put together a meaningful profile and post nice, flattering pictures of her. it's best to use a paid service like match or e-harmony rather than a free site (the free ones attract all orders of mouth breathers)

she needs to have a clear sense of the type of guy she wants - older, younger, tall, race, education, never married, divorced, kids, no kids, etc. not to use this as hard criteria but it helps. depending on what she really wants - just a boyfriend or a real LTR (though if she hasn't really been in a serious relationship yet, this can be a red flag for mature guys, especially divorcees).

I'm a divorced dad and I use an online site - but I don't rely on it. I do get a number of women contacting me first - nothing like what an attractive woman will receive in terms of an overflowing inbox, so she needs to take a deep breath and remember this is not a sprint. tell her to trust her gut instinct - it will keep her on the right path.

GL

Thanks!

Her gut instinct is not developed at all. My young adult daughter who is 11 years younger than my cousin is light years ahead in understanding men. My cousin has admitted to a few celebrity crushes so I can guess from that what type of guy she thinks is attractive, though that may not be realistic in terms of looking for a guy roughly her own age. It would be nice if she met a guy and they chatted online for a few weeks before meeting in real life. I'm not joking about the virgin thing. She went to prom with her BIL's younger brother and they kissed so I know she's had at least that much experience.

I'm the PP - I will say this - if she or you think an attractive good guy will spend weeks exchanging emails and 'chatting' on-line, the harsh truth is that is very unlikely to happen. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed about - but from what you describe, sounds like she might be emotionally immature too. as a guy in my early 40s the emotional immaturity (not having been in a real long-term relationship before) would be a real deal breaker, and I think it would be the same for most good men (single or divorced) 35+.

[Anonymous]

She's 33. Perhaps a double date?

Do not go to clubs. She doesn't know anyone at work? Church or other religious activities? 4th of July festivities coming up.... no singles or mixers events?

[Anonymous]

Honestly,
I was a virgin at 25 and figured that would scare most guys away. I became friends with a guy (who had a crush on me, but didn't know it.) Eventually I fell for him. He knew I was a virgin and we took things at my pace. I was very naive and he could have taken advantage of me. I guess I was lucky he didn't. (I'm not just talking about sex. We did have sex because I wanted to.)

Anyway, we dated for a few months and got married.

Just celebrated our 9th anniversary.

[Anonymous]

OP, Have you spoken to your cousin and discussed the possibility of online dating w/her? The reason I am asking you this is because even though it is getting very popular and is hitting the mainstream, it still is not for everyone.

I am single + have been single for some time and it still is not my cup of tea. For someone as shy as your cousin, online dating may not be the right solution for her since I personally think online dating takes more guts than regular dating actually.

Are you in a relationship?
If so, how about double-dating together? Meaning you and your S/O go out w/your cousin & bring along a date for her? Keep the mood casual and the pressure light. That way they can get to know each other casually and if they decide they like each other, then the next time they can go out alone together.