Best online dating for a shy 33 y.o. F who needs to take things slow

[Anonymous]

I would bet a lot of money on the virgin thing but I suppose that she could have done more than kissing. Not much. She has always lived at home because my aunt would have medical crises and need her suddenly. My cousin isn't religious, but her mom is and she would not have been okay with sneaking a guy upstairs.

Emotionally she's very mature because she's been running a household for years. It's really just the not dating part. I don't think she expects long stemmed roses and fireworks. She knows her sister's marital ups and downs.

I think she just needs training wheels for romance. She has male coworkers (both paralegals and lawyers) but I think her shyness comes off as disinterest.

[Anonymous]

What about those organized meetup type groups for singles? I hear them advertised on the radio. I think it's less emphasis on dating and more on just mingling and having fun with other single people. It might be a low-key way to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Have you spoken to your cousin and discussed the possibility of online dating w/her? The reason I am asking you this is because even though it is getting very popular and is hitting the mainstream, it still is not for everyone.

I am single + have been single for some time and it still is not my cup of tea. For someone as shy as your cousin, online dating may not be the right solution for her since I personally think online dating takes more guts than regular dating actually.

Are you in a relationship?
If so, how about double-dating together? Meaning you and your S/O go out w/your cousin & bring along a date for her? Keep the mood casual and the pressure light. That way they can get to know each other casually and if they decide they like each other, then the next time they can go out alone together.

Both her sister and I mentioned it to her and she hasn't said no, just a little awkwardness with moving forward. I'm in a relationship, but I live in a different part of MD. Also, I'm a decade older and my S/O is even older. We don't really know someone who is a good fit (age and similar personality). I feel like a shy guy would be best for her. Someone that she could get to know in a low risk way. She is really pretty and smart, but is used to being in the background rather than upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about those organized meetup type groups for singles? I hear them advertised on the radio. I think it's less emphasis on dating and more on just mingling and having fun with other single people. It might be a low-key way to start.

I did these when I was single, but it is almost always a situation where shy women are overlooked and end up in a little clump by themselves. She needs one on one to get started.

[Anonymous]

I was a virgin at age 25 when I met my now husband on eharmony. I had been on there on and off over the course of 2 yrs so it took a while to find someone worth my time but I did ultimately have success. I would recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Have you spoken to your cousin and discussed the possibility of online dating w/her? The reason I am asking you this is because even though it is getting very popular and is hitting the mainstream, it still is not for everyone.

I am single + have been single for some time and it still is not my cup of tea. For someone as shy as your cousin, online dating may not be the right solution for her since I personally think online dating takes more guts than regular dating actually.

Are you in a relationship?
If so, how about double-dating together? Meaning you and your S/O go out w/your cousin & bring along a date for her? Keep the mood casual and the pressure light. That way they can get to know each other casually and if they decide they like each other, then the next time they can go out alone together.

Both her sister and I mentioned it to her and she hasn't said no, just a little awkwardness with moving forward. I'm in a relationship, but I live in a different part of MD. Also, I'm a decade older and my S/O is even older. We don't really know someone who is a good fit (age and similar personality). I feel like a shy guy would be best for her. Someone that she could get to know in a low risk way. She is really pretty and smart, but is used to being in the background rather than upfront.

I'd disagree with this. If she hasn't been in a serious relationship, then her future partner needs to be the one who is not only patient and understanding, but is the one who can help bring her out her shell. two shy people together, possibly two immature people (in terms of relationship history/experience) is asking for trouble. How would they handle adversity or a difference of opinion on serious issues? How do two shy people communicate effectively with each other? I tend to think someone a little older, wiser and serious about commitment, family, relationships, etc. might be the better fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 33 year old cousin has never really been in a relationship. She's sweet, thin, very pretty but super shy. She was my aunt's menopause baby and my aunt had health problems when my cousin entered ES. She has always been my aunt's caretaker. I think this contributed to her not really pursuing a love life beyond a date to prom and maybe a few dates in college. She is almost certainly a virgin but not for religious reasons. As my aunt grows older, I worry about my cousin being alone suddenly at say age 40. It's occurred to me that she might be open to online dating if there was a site that takes things slow. She is not religious so something like Christian singles is not a good fit.

Uh...how exactly would an online dating website manage the pace and course of correspondence between people? I mean I can see how a site can put up restrictions regarding certain lewd photos and content, etc. - but how exactly would a site dictate how a guy approached your cousin and ensure that he takes things slow? How exactly would a dating website prohibit a guy from suggesting to your cousin after a quaint afternoon coffee that they go back to his place for a steamy late-night rendezvous? I don't get it. I mean I know that two people can choose to take things slow but - - - can websites control or dictate that too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a virgin at age 25 when I met my now husband on eharmony. I had been on there on and off over the course of 2 yrs so it took a while to find someone worth my time but I did ultimately have success. I would recommend it.

Thanks! I think this is the direction to steer her. Were there a lot of creeps? Based on my experience, Match and Plentyoffish would be like leaving a toddler unattended in a kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 33 year old cousin has never really been in a relationship. She's sweet, thin, very pretty but super shy. She was my aunt's menopause baby and my aunt had health problems when my cousin entered ES. She has always been my aunt's caretaker. I think this contributed to her not really pursuing a love life beyond a date to prom and maybe a few dates in college. She is almost certainly a virgin but not for religious reasons. As my aunt grows older, I worry about my cousin being alone suddenly at say age 40. It's occurred to me that she might be open to online dating if there was a site that takes things slow. She is not religious so something like Christian singles is not a good fit.

Uh...how exactly would an online dating website manage the pace and course of correspondence between people? I mean I can see how a site can put up restrictions regarding certain lewd photos and content, etc. - but how exactly would a site dictate how a guy approached your cousin and ensure that he takes things slow? How exactly would a dating website prohibit a guy from suggesting to your cousin after a quaint afternoon coffee that they go back to his place for a steamy late-night rendezvous? I don't get it. I mean I know that two people can choose to take things slow but - - - can websites control or dictate that too?

I'm not searching for a duenna, but some sites have a more fast paced hookup culture than others. I know that Christiansingles.com is slower paced but my cousin isn't church going. I liked what I read about eHarmony so we can go with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a virgin at age 25 when I met my now husband on eharmony. I had been on there on and off over the course of 2 yrs so it took a while to find someone worth my time but I did ultimately have success. I would recommend it.

Thanks! I think this is the direction to steer her. Were there a lot of creeps? Based on my experience, Match and Plentyoffish would be like leaving a toddler unattended in a kitchen.

match can also be a consideration. I've met wonderful people on that site - yes, there are idiots just like in real life, but the different with eharmony is that you control who you contact - you can cast a wide net and have more options in terms of search results.

POF definitely not. Okcupid probably not either.

[Anonymous]

you have to find someone who can be exceptionally understanding. I'm a nice guy, but I'd never deal with that. She is, unfortunately, immature on every level. Not her fault, but I would not want to walk a 30+ year old woman through all the sexual things I want and deal with every step along the way ("you want to put what WHERE?").

You need to find a guy on her level, if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

Church singles group.

[Anonymous]

I was on Jdate and plenty of non-Jewish guys on there (and women I'm sure). Is there a choice on Christian mingle for "non observant" or "culturally Christian" -- something like that? I agree, she needs a different group than Match/OKC, etc.

What does your cousin say about all of this? And her sister, are you friendly with her? I'm surprised that someone out in the work world is still this disconnected socially. Aren't there work events she has to attend? I'm just curious I guess -- if she doesn't want to do anything about it herself...maybe you should just gently talk to her about her future, rather than trying to set her up on dates. A virgin at that age for no specific reason other than, she doesn't go out on dates...I just think there must have been opportunities that she hasn't seized. And there may be a reason beyond shyness.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she wants you to set up her dating life? Unless she asks for help, I'd respect her ability as an adult to decide what she wants.

BTW, the fact that she was a caretaker for a few years really should not have prevented her from having relationships. If she really wanted one, she would have found a way.

She has chosen this route for some reason. There's nothing necessarily wrong with it. But, to just say she is shy is a bit simplistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she wants you to set up her dating life? Unless she asks for help, I'd respect her ability as an adult to decide what she wants.

BTW, the fact that she was a caretaker for a few years really should not have prevented her from having relationships. If she really wanted one, she would have found a way.

She has chosen this route for some reason. There's nothing necessarily wrong with it. But, to just say she is shy is a bit simplistic.

I 2nd the notion. Pretty presumptuous to suppose a grown woman - an intelligent caring woman of high character - is too incompetent to handle her own love life. And even if she was what makes you think you're the right person to take over for her? Hell what makes you think she even wants your help? Maybe you should mind your business.