Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When are women going to let this topic go? It's so played out.

Ask the OP. She really just wanted to chat with other SAHMs...really, just for support...

Love how the SAHMs stir the pot and then say "why are you on this thread..."

I blame all the women in this thread. Women are too insecure when it comes to the 'mother' role and wanting to out do one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think early feminists, like Friedan, did a huge disservice to SAHMs with their books about how bored and unfulfilled they were.
Anyone who is doing a good job as a SAHM is not likely to be bored. There's a lot of work involved in shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, kids activities....
Too many women are totally stressed and worn out by doing a second shift.

It doesn't take an advanced degree to shop and do all that. That was Friedan's point. Women should be able to use their brainpower and energy for paid work, not just drudgery.

Sure - everyone agrees with that. But what some of you want to argue, is that women should *not* be free to choose to SAH. Friedan et al may have been bored - but they certainly don't speak for every at-home mother, or even most of them. The fact that some of you think their word is gospel, and that no one could possibly *want* to stay home, is moronic.

I returned to the workforce after 16 years at home. I enjoy my job, but it pales in comparison to the fulfillment I received from being a SAHM. Best years of my life and no regrets whatsoever. OTOH, I'd be full of regret had I not been able to be home with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

DP. Then do whatever you want! We don't care what you do - why do you care so much about our lives? And why are you on a thread for SAHMs? Clearly, you don't want to be one - so what brings you here?

This question has been asked many times over on this thread, yet none of you seem to want to answer. Hmm. Can't imagine why.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

That is pretty pathetic that you even admit yours is a marriage based on bean counting. And that neither of you would "ever let the other SAH." Wow. How awful, to compete not only at work, but also in your marriage. Sad for your kids, too.

At least I'm not in denial. Many SAHMs think they are equal partners, when really, their husbands pick the vacation destination or the next car, and let their wives worry about the details. What can a SAHM do if her husband decides to stay for a couple of days of vacation after a business trip?

I don't really know people like this. For our vacations, I tell my husband to block off certain days and I schedule everything. I pick my own car. He does his. I handle all of the money. In fact, he just called me because he wants to make a pretty big charitable donation and wanted to see if that was ok with me and where to get the money from.

Not all marriages are built on an uneven foundation. Mine wasn't when I worked and it isn't now that I don't. If it was, I agree that one should always work. But it is kind of sad if that is the state of your marriage.

Sad to you. Works for us.

Great! Glad you agree that your marriage was "built on an uneven foundation." Sounds awful. DP, btw.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's okay to be bored. Beats the hell out of stressing.

I never had time to be bored. Kids, husband, cooking, cleaning, shopping, running here and there, hobbies, lunches. I never knew true and complete serenity until the kids left home.

When someone asks what I do all day I say whatever I want. I LOVE MY LIFE. MY BORING LIFE.

Hi, PP! You are me in 17 years. Wish me luck!

And congrats to you. Enjoy your well-earned boredom.

I prefer stress to boredom.

You do realize, no one is talking to you, right? You're just trolling, over and over again, parroting the same old BS about your bizarre bean counting marriage. None of us can relate, sorry. Maybe start a new thread for obnoxious, overly-competitive, stressed, aggressive, rude women like yourself?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

Sure... "egalitarian." Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly. I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.

"No gender divide"! Hysterical. In our house, we don't call it a "gender divide," we call it "personal preference." Which means that my daughter, who hates emptying the dishwasher, is on trash duty. My son enjoys cooking, so he cooks dinner twice a week. Like you, both my husband and I teach the kids to drive, but we simply base it on who's available. I wouldn't care less if my husband wanted to do it all the time, because frankly, I hate it. I get carsick if I'm not driving. Who cares who teaches the kids to drive??

As for our financial decisions, they're also made "truly jointly." Why would you assume otherwise? I pay all the bills and we both decide what investments to make. It's not rocket science. You're so wrapped up in gender roles - or, rather, making a big point to defy them - that you just look foolish and boring. Your marriage sounds horrible.

My father split everything completely by gender role, and didn't respect what my mother did at home. He bought cars, even a house, without consulting her. They did not make financial decisions jointly at all. You damn right we split everything down the middle. I'm glad none of you SAHMs saw your own SAH mothers disrespected by your fathers.

Interesting, but really just your personal issue. For 20 years, whether woh or sah, I have handled all the finances. My dh has no interest.

Also, men that are controlling are controlling regardless of whether a woman works. The solution is not to marry such men.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

Here's the thing--feminism/womanism is not just about having choices--it's about having the same quality choices as men. The fact of the matter is that most SAH parents (even on DCUM) do not have the financial freedom that working spouses do. (Of course, there are the few financially independent spouses--for them, SAH is a totally different reality.) None of this matters IF your marriage is solid, but many marriages are not, and SAH spouses who are financially dependent do not truly have the same "choices" or financial independence that the working spouse has. You can share your anecdata, but the argument that SAH is all about "choices" is a half-baked argument.

I'm just going to keep asking this: why are you on this thread?

We're all well aware of what feminism is, thanks. Though it seems the most staunch/vocal/obnoxious feminists here on DCUM insist that there is only one correct choice: to work. So really, you're hypocrites. You're only for "same quality choices as men" if those choices don't include staying home with children. This is why you're being tuned out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Life IS mundane minutiae. A bunch of boring, routine moments with sprinkling of excitement. I know so many people who go to work every day thinking, I’m so bored; kill me now!

and the 2+ hours in traffic five days a week? Now that's a life waster. How many people are sitting in their cars on 495 thinking "kill me now"? That would be me.

+1
Talk about soul-sucking.

Why is the answer to SAH, instead of to find a job with a shorter commute, or one that allows telecommuting?

I'm going to say this as clearly as possible, to hopefully clear up any confusion on your part. We chose to stay home with our kids because WE WANTED TO. Getting rid of a pointless, wasteful commute was merely a bonus.

Are you actually on this thread with the intention of making us all feel like we should be WOHMs again? How would you react if we were trying to persuade you to SAH against your wishes? It really seems so many of you never learned what feminism really means. Hint: it doesn't mean WOH just to prove some sort of point.

+1,000,000
Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

+100
I'm thinking there are some very dense and defensive women here who simply don't "approve" of SAHMs, so they try and couch their disdain in terms of feminism. They're really looking foolish.

A lot of SAHMs actually couch their *choice* to SAH in terms of feminism. It's not just those who disapprove.

That's because - wait for it - the mere fact that women can choose to either SAH OR WOH is because of feminism. Your "brand" of feminism dictates that just because women can work, then they must work. That's not even close to correct, and it's an extremely narrow, simple-minded view.

Why do you care what choices other women make? It just smacks of terrible insecurity about your own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really love it but maybe I'm doing it wrong!

as everyone knows. you have to have vagina to do this. not sure what happened to feminism. all the rich liberals in our mclean neighborhood have the wives stay at home.

Which goes to show feminism is alive and well. Good for these women for choosing something that was important to them and to their families. Oh, and to society. Having choices is what it's all about. Clearly, you didn't get the memo in your Womyns Studies 101 class.

How many men who are not downsized "choose" to be SAHDs? If we didn't need feminism, more men would take on the at home parent role.

I don't sit around contemplating why more men don't choose to be SAHDs. You know why? Because that's their decision and their personal preference. I don't play any kind of "role," nor do I waste time stewing over the "roles" that others play. I've got my own family to take care of. I can't imagine why you worry so much about others. It does, however, say so much about you.

[Anonymous]

I'd love to be independently rich and not have to make a living. But I have enough integrity not to pretend it would be a great contribution to society!

I'm all for choices. As long as you own your choices. If you can and choose to be a leach, it's fine by me. I wish I was! Just stop telling me you're some sort of unsung hero, and we'll get along just fine

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

But unless you keep having babies, at some point kids are gone 30+ hours each week. What will you do with your time then?

Well, I imagine I'll be involved with other interests and volunteering. Or perhaps I'll head back to work at that point. Why do you assume SAH is a lifetime decision?

The larger question is, of course, why do you care so much about what other women do with their time? I certainly don't care about or concern myself with *your* choices.

I was hoping you had a plan for your life when you started SAH. And you're certainly not going to go back to a career after being at home for 15+ years.

You are such an asshole - but I'm sure you know that. You were "hoping" I had a plan for my life? OMG. Stop trolling and get a life of your own.

You are so bitter, jealous, envious, and unhappy. Therapy might help. Try it!

[Anonymous]

Im a financially independent SAHM. If you’d really like me to renter the workforce to take jobs from those who need them I suppse I could, but I don’t see the benefit to society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

But unless you keep having babies, at some point kids are gone 30+ hours each week. What will you do with your time then?

Well, I imagine I'll be involved with other interests and volunteering. Or perhaps I'll head back to work at that point. Why do you assume SAH is a lifetime decision?

The larger question is, of course, why do you care so much about what other women do with their time? I certainly don't care about or concern myself with *your* choices.

I was hoping you had a plan for your life when you started SAH. And you're certainly not going to go back to a career after being at home for 15+ years.

LOL. Dog with a bone. Just can't stop, can you?

+1
PP is such a wacko. I'm considering reporting her for trolling. She doesn't appear to have anything else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

You can. Or you can stay home. Or you can work for part of their lives and stay home for part. We all get to decide. Life is crazy like that.

I agree, but anyone can contribute to society by raising kids. Some of us ask ourselves if that is enough.

A lot of people do a crappy job. Someone needs to take on the heavy lifting of raising children properly.

Some of us can raise wonderful children and still use full time daycare. Lucky? Sure. Impossible? Not at all. What suffers is our female friendships because family, work and maybe exercise can fit in but not much else. The SAHMs in my neighborhood are very tight, due to having spent years together when the WOHMs were furthering their careers.

Sure. Exercise and friendships. That is all that suffers.

Nailed it. Just when I didn't think PP could be more obtuse...