Petty Holiday Vent thread 2022

[Anonymous]

ILs have been here since Thursday. They are “sit and stare and chat or it’s rude” people.

I’m in the middle of cleaning up and getting some laundry going. MIL tells me, “You’ve been going too fast today, Jessica; sit down and chat.” And I just flat out said “no” and went down to the laundry room.

Not my best moment, but don’t order me around in my own house. Are you really that blind to how much work I’ve had to put into cooking, cleaning, decorating, wrapping and generally making all of this a holiday and all you had to do is roll up and eat and sip coffee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made Xmas breakfast for the family, and a full Xmas dinner.
Not a thank you from dh.
Not a “yum, that was good”
Not an offer to clean a plate or wipe a table.
I’m not saying I need a medal, but I feel like the help.
Hell, a paid chef would’ve probably gotten a thank you and compliments.
It makes me feel very sad to feel so unseen and unappreciated by my spouse.

My response to this would somewhat differ depending on whether you're SAHM or not. If you both work, his lack of appreciation and offer to help is appalling. If not, he should certainly extend appreciation but there might be an issue of expectations there (ie all domestic chores your domain) and you should simply use your words and ask for help with an out-of-the-ordinary burden he took for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I made a big, lovely dinner. We spent hundreds on groceries.

ILs are now in the kitchen dividing it all up to take home. Whatever, I’m letting DH handle his people, or not. But I did take over the turkey distribution because I want some to freeze for tetrazzini.

In my family, no one would dream of taking leftovers unless they were offered. It is so freaking rude.

Our family, leftovers are given to guests to take. Heck, I also buy take out containers by the hundreds because we make a lot of food and want people to take it.

Yes, we always share, but the point is the descended upon it while DH and I were still cleaning up. They were debating over who gets what and how much without a single thought of “maybe the people who bought all the groceries and did all the cooking and cleaning would like some leftovers.” DH finally ended up getting involved so that they didn’t take everything. They were planning on taking every bit of our pies, for example. I baked them from scratch including the homemade crust. So rude.

OMG, so rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I made a big, lovely dinner. We spent hundreds on groceries.

ILs are now in the kitchen dividing it all up to take home. Whatever, I’m letting DH handle his people, or not. But I did take over the turkey distribution because I want some to freeze for tetrazzini.

In my family, no one would dream of taking leftovers unless they were offered. It is so freaking rude.

Our family, leftovers are given to guests to take. Heck, I also buy take out containers by the hundreds because we make a lot of food and want people to take it.

Yes, we always share, but the point is the descended upon it while DH and I were still cleaning up. They were debating over who gets what and how much without a single thought of “maybe the people who bought all the groceries and did all the cooking and cleaning would like some leftovers.” DH finally ended up getting involved so that they didn’t take everything. They were planning on taking every bit of our pies, for example. I baked them from scratch including the homemade crust. So rude.

OMG, so rude.

Agreed, the entitlement is really something!

[Anonymous]

Invited my sons three living grandparents to Christmas and his birthday (days apart) and they all declined. I’ve spent the last week getting “wish we were there!” and “send pics!” texts. I have suppressed my desire to send petty responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Petty vent. For 20 plus years SIL tries to one up us and any interest we or the kids have suddenly become her interests so she can compete. Last night we announced an important change we are making that requires a financial investment that we’ve been talking about for 20 years. It’s very specific. SIL’s response - OH. DH and I are going to do that too, just bigger and better. Then she spent the rest of the conversation talking about herself. All from a woman who has never worked a day in 20 years. Whatever.

Why did you announce this to your SIL? What was she “supposed” to say?

How about - wow. Good for you guys. Thats exciting and then stfu about her one up-isms and how her version will be even better. It is tiresome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs have been here since Thursday. They are “sit and stare and chat or it’s rude” people.

I’m in the middle of cleaning up and getting some laundry going. MIL tells me, “You’ve been going too fast today, Jessica; sit down and chat.” And I just flat out said “no” and went down to the laundry room.

Not my best moment, but don’t order me around in my own house. Are you really that blind to how much work I’ve had to put into cooking, cleaning, decorating, wrapping and generally making all of this a holiday and all you had to do is roll up and eat and sip coffee?

Ugh at least she isn't following a close foot behind you to chat at you still...

[Anonymous]

My MIL asked if she could bring a side dish for Christmas dinner- I said, of course! They come over at 3pm and at 4pm she says “so I’ll need the stand mixer, a 8x8 casserole dish, and I need to use the (SMALL!) kitchen for about 30min and it bakes for an hour”

😳

I was like… oh… well actually I’ll be needing the oven to cook the roast that I’m about to put in, and I’ll need the stand mixer to start making the dessert?

Like who comes over “with a side dish” that needs to be prepped and cooked in my minuscule kitchen when I have a f-ing roast already in the oven??? She lives 20-30min away?!? Why not just bring it and reheat it?!

[Anonymous]

I am the drill sergeant/planner of my family. My wife has ADHD and gets massively overwhelmed on details/arrangements so, I take on the main share of these organizational/executive functioning tasks when it comes to things. Husband here for context. My wife's family came to stay with us (BIL (who is divorced), his youngest 12 year old son, MIL and FIL (whom are divorced). My wife and two kids (8, 10) were here of course.

My wife and daughter came down with strep a week ago which pulled them out of the prep/shopping. I did all of the shopping for food, planned meals with my wife and came up with a schedule of meals/things like museums and outings to do so we aren't sitting around in a circle bored.

My nephew is A LOT. My oldest daughter was like this kid is too much "not like the 12 year olds she knows from school." Like inappropriate conversations where he is going on and on about racism, (we are a multi-racial half black family and he's white), sex (he was talking about how he "accidentally" finds porn on his phone), and murders and my kids are like WTF? Can't we talk about video games or TV shoes or something fun? My daughter (10) basically is like no thanks, I'm done and is keeping her distance. My youngest likes him but the older nephew is a terrible influence. He took my youngest out the woods and they both fell in icy water in the creek behind my yard, which I got admittedly pissed about. I disciplined my kid and explained to him the dangers of playing in icy water even if it seems solid. I didn't say anything to my nephew thinking he dad would handle it. My BIL? Didn't say a word and my nephew has spent the entire weekend trying to go back to the woods to "ice skate". My son won't go (knows better now). Nephew started trying to get my son to wrestle in the house (WTF). I again shut that down with my own kid. BIL didn't say anything and when I said, in a way to get his buy in that wrestling in doors is dumb as hell, dangerous and likely to wreck shit, he basically said, "OP's house, OP's rules." So, I'm the bad guy, which I was like fine. Same thing on Christmas day, I asked the kids to organize their presents into piles in their rooms from the fireplace (I wanted to light a fire) and asked nephew to put his in a reusable TJ Max bag so he wouldn't lose them. Kid was just like, NO. I'm like yeah, no. We're all cleaning. My kids and you so we can have a fire. BIL? Just sat silently and wondered off to get another beer.

Today, I booked the kids time in a bounce house and got them the hell out of here. I'm cleaning up, my wife and BIL took the kids there and to lunch and we have tickets to a show tonight, so time home is basically minimized for this last day).

My FIL is basically deaf and has parkinson's but is in denial of both and goes out of his way to do things himself. He is also incredibly judgmental and is basically keeping a record tab of things that we are doing "wrong" but thankfully is more focused on his son and my nephew to focus on whether our meals are too "rich" or that it's too loud. I hurt my knee running and have a slight limp and he keeps going on about how terrible I look, my back must be shot, etc. from the couch while I am cleaning, serving food, dealing with my kids. But he's in tip top shape! In fact, he's going to use our peloton -- can he borrow my shoes? (The man has zero balance and will fall and break a bone so I say the machine needs updating and divert him to a book. He falls asleep on the couch again).

MIL is a secret eater who refuses food, judges everyone's weight and what they eat, but binges at night while we are sleeping and leaves a mess every morning ("oh, that, I just had a midnight snack and didn't know where to put all those dishes and pans").

Everyone got great presents, things they really wanted, including my wife.

I got a robe. At least, my wife is appreciative of what I've done to host and they are leaving tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL asked if she could bring a side dish for Christmas dinner- I said, of course! They come over at 3pm and at 4pm she says “so I’ll need the stand mixer, a 8x8 casserole dish, and I need to use the (SMALL!) kitchen for about 30min and it bakes for an hour”

😳

I was like… oh… well actually I’ll be needing the oven to cook the roast that I’m about to put in, and I’ll need the stand mixer to start making the dessert?

Like who comes over “with a side dish” that needs to be prepped and cooked in my minuscule kitchen when I have a f-ing roast already in the oven??? She lives 20-30min away?!? Why not just bring it and reheat it?!

She must be the mother of my SIL who once brought makings for a Key Lime pie when the Thanksgiving turkey was in the oven. It's insane. I mean we all get that some things need to be heated up (like whenever the main thing comes out of the oven), but the prep and bake on a major holiday is waaaaay over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made Xmas breakfast for the family, and a full Xmas dinner.
Not a thank you from dh.
Not a “yum, that was good”
Not an offer to clean a plate or wipe a table.
I’m not saying I need a medal, but I feel like the help.
Hell, a paid chef would’ve probably gotten a thank you and compliments.
It makes me feel very sad to feel so unseen and unappreciated by my spouse.

My response to this would somewhat differ depending on whether you're SAHM or not. If you both work, his lack of appreciation and offer to help is appalling. If not, he should certainly extend appreciation but there might be an issue of expectations there (ie all domestic chores your domain) and you should simply use your words and ask for help with an out-of-the-ordinary burden he took for granted.

Not OP but what? No. Just no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws insist every year on using 40 year old stretched out and threadbare Star Wars and Sesame Street sheets on the 24” tall air mattresses they bought for our kids and they always end up all bunched up by morning. We’ve tried buying them new sheets before we arrive and they always return them before we arrive. Last year we bought and pre-washed two sets of new sheets made for deep mattresses and brought them with us in a checked bag. We made the beds ourselves before my father in law had a chance to do it himself so they had to keep the sheets.

This year? The beds were pre-made with the Star Wars and Sesame Street sheets and the new sheets are nowhere to be found. WTAF???

Maybe the sheets need to “accidentally rip” due to their old age.

They returned them without a receipt somewhere b/c it would be "wasteful" to have an extra set of sheets when they alreayd have the star wars and sesame street sheets.

[Anonymous]

Omg I needed this thread! What is it with MIL’s? Mine recently retired and must now pick up a hobby. So it’s called txt your son and grab anything and everything to gossip and talk about. Yesterday got the painful SIL call for Christmas, only to hear our lives being broadcasted almost like on a radio. MIL had told them EVERYTHING. MIL needs to pick up another hobby. I’ve told the husband to keep his mouth shut but he let stuff slip now that we are both sleep
Deprived with a little one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invited my sons three living grandparents to Christmas and his birthday (days apart) and they all declined. I’ve spent the last week getting “wish we were there!” and “send pics!” texts. I have suppressed my desire to send petty responses.

I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. I don’t think the grandparents are doing anything wrong here, but I can see why they’re wording stings. It’s not obnoxious, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs have been here since Thursday. They are “sit and stare and chat or it’s rude” people.

I’m in the middle of cleaning up and getting some laundry going. MIL tells me, “You’ve been going too fast today, Jessica; sit down and chat.” And I just flat out said “no” and went down to the laundry room.

Not my best moment, but don’t order me around in my own house. Are you really that blind to how much work I’ve had to put into cooking, cleaning, decorating, wrapping and generally making all of this a holiday and all you had to do is roll up and eat and sip coffee?

Uggggg this sounds like my ILs except my mil will talk at me and I’ll just back away / keep doing what I’m doing or just leave. I don’t know if she thinks it’s rude she usually just finds someone else to talk at. They probably think I’m a rude grinch bc I was snappy all Xmas eve but I was working like a DOG all day. And at dinner she made multiple comments on how she’s so glad she doesn’t have to host anything anymore. Is mid 60s the age where everything is handed over or is this a boomer thing? They just want to come and act like their in a restaurant while I’m doing hard labor and running after a 3 and 6 year old.