Half of British women reach age 30 without having a child

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02/04/2022 13:15

Subject: Half of British women reach age 30 without having a child

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Anonymous wrote:What the hell do you expect?

Wages don't grow. Housing is completely unaffordable. Childcare costs are insane. Healthcare is ludicrous. Even if you had kids, stupid minivan to haul them around to soccer practice now costs $40k. And don't even talk about college costs....

You want to die in poverty? Have a kid.

Younger generations didn't create these problems. They're the ones that have to live with them though. The only solution is to not have kids just so that you can keep your financial head above water.

It's not money, it's decades of Hollywood and feminist propaganda. It's "cool" and "sophisticated" and "worldly" to piss away your prime fertility years living in the big city and traveling and waiting two hours to be seated for a hip brunch and rising the ladder at your make-work career, so you can piss more money away on shoes, travel, and instagram-worthy furniture. #GirlBoss #LeanIn

Oooooo the anti-brunch guy is back!!! I missed you and your rants against women going to brunch!!!

Is it really a dude? Gross.

I assumed it was a cranky old religious hag.

I'm not a "dude" or a "hag". I'm in my mid 40s, married, mother of three, one grandchild, a meaningful career, and all of my children attended top 25 universities. Play coy that being a wine or martini drunk, and wasting weekends away shopping and brunching weren't a "thing" for women over the last two decades. It's basically the premise of SATC. Waste your 20s and 30s and you'll land a Mr Big. Fertility? Don't worry about it! Have hedonistic fun! Millions of women who should have been married and having babies were wasting their lives on nothing. Pointless consumerism, and now, nothing to show for it. No heirs, no legacy, nobody will remember them. Genetic dead ends. Never mind end of life, imagine being stricken with an illness in your 30s 40s 50s and no husband or children to help. Or a husband who is exponentially more likely to leave you because he has no children with you. Never experiencing the joys of grandchildren. It's terribly sad how many women were conned.

Lord if you are only mid-40s, you sound prematurely ANCIENT. It's no longer a badge of honor to become a grandma at 45, sorry. And the fact that you think anything other than birthing babies is a complete waste of life...is deeply sad. I am sure you didn't mean to imply that Mother Theresa was a wasted life, or any woman or man who's struggled with infertility.

And guess what? If childfree people are stricken with illness in their 30s, 40s, 50s, they will pay for things using their very own health insurance that they get from their jobs, and they will get help from their friends and boyfriends and family members if they need it. It's so sad that you think that the only people who would ever help another human being are their spouses or their children. (Also WTF, I know you had your kids young but I doubt they are much help if you have cancer in your 30s.).

I do think there was a short window in which some women were misled. I am genX born in 1969 and I had more than one PHYSICIAN tell me in my 20s that I could start my family at 40 if I wanted to. This was in the early days of IVF when it looked like fertility could be extended for a lot longer than turned out to be feasible. But by the time I was in my 30s that was no longer any kind of conventional wisdom. I had my first of 3 kids at 34, no regrets.

And for the record, nobody watched sex in the city and thought, I will just have brunch and buy shoes and forget about having meaningful relationships. I didn't watch all of it because it seemed kind of stupid to me, but it was all about angst over husbands and babies with Kim Cattrell as the shocking rebel.

People get laid off left and right starting in their 50s. Good health insurance is harder to hold on to as you increasingly become unemployable (and when you really start to need it most.)

And, I’m sorry, but you’re really fooling yourself if you think that friends—many of whom will be occupied with their own families—are going to be dependable in your most desperate times. As you get older, you start to realize how much you appreciate your partner when you need a catheter bag emptied in the middle of the night, when you need a bandage changed on a part of your back that you can’t possibly reach, etc.

I don't care who has babies. But I'm responding to the above, which I've found sadly true. I had some potentially life-altering, major health complications last year. I was laid up for months. Not one of my close friends, who live IN my neighborhood, so much as brought me a meal, ran an errand, etc. Nothing. Too preoccupied with their own lives, apparently. And, to be clear, these are generally good and kind people. So it was surprising and a little disheartening.

I’m the PP and I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time. I don’t care who has babies, either, so maybe my comment wasn’t entirely pertinent to this thread. But I was responding specifically to the PP, and others in their 20s and 30s, who are very cavalier about marriage, partnering up, family, etc. The “I don’t need anyone to take care of me, I’ve got my job!” and “I don’t need a family of my own, I’ve got my girl squad!” Just saying to you all, good luck with that. I’ve watched a few single, childless people come to some very tragic ends in my extended family.

But getting married and having children is NOT insurance against having a "tragic" end! One of the spouses will die first! If you live long enough, some of your CHILDREN might even predecease you. I know a lot of child-free and unmarried folks, and they're not cavalier about their life choices, at all. Some would have liked to get married but never met the right person. One met the right one but he didn't want kids. They are very happy together with their dogs and zillions of nieces and nephews. One friend was widowed at age 45.

The point is that there are no guarantees in life, so everyone needs to make the best decisions they can. I've lived long enough to see that your "support network" can include a variety of types of people and relationships. Also I've seen first hand how excellent and careful retirement planning makes an ENORMOUS difference when people get really old and/or sick.

+1. Husbands are notorious for leaving when their wives get sick and need care. Care from children isn’t guaranteed - my grandmother has been declining rapidly the last year, has 6 children that she busted her butt for her entire life, and none will help her out. They put her in a home, don’t visit, and are basically just waiting for their inheritance.

A man is not a plan. Children are not an insurance policy. If being cared for is a concern, better to focus more energy on your career and making enough money to outsource, rather than rely on a husband and kids who may or may not step up.