dating on line: how many people at once?
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Anonymous
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have been trying on line dating again for the past few months. how do folks handle dating multiple people at the same time? currently have 5 different people i'm either seeing for a second or third time, meeting for a first time or emailing. getting confusing. i would never see more than one person at once if i decide i really like someone or if we get into a physical relationship (beyond a good night peck)...but does seem it's better not to put all my eggs in one basket. and i tend to think it's hard to decide about someone after one meeting.
maybe i need to tell one or two of them i'm busy for the next few weeks and will get back in touch later in the month.... do have a sense that one guy i've seen a few times might not be going anywhere...whereas another one i do like but think he might be too busy with work to really get into something. don't know the others well enough yet. |
Anonymous
| That happened to me a little. In my case I noticed the cream rose to the top. Fwiw, wheni met the right guy, I just lost interest in the others. We are married now. Best wishes! |
Anonymous
| Wish I had your problem. |
Anonymous
OP: I've been at this for awhile and haven't met the right one yet. So I'm not sure you wish you had my problem. Am trying though. |
Anonymous
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Agree w/ PP who said 'cream will rise to the top'. I have dated multiple people from online and not told each of the other, but also not made any exclusivity commitments.
The last go round I met two fantastic women and unusually (in my personal experience) they initiated the sexual part of the relationship...without having any exclusivity discussion. That got very uncomfortable for me very quickly; it was a "lie by omission" since I think both were kind of expecting it was exclusive. That sped up my "chosing". I would avoid going to bed with potentials for as long as you can. If a woman said something like, "oh I'm busy, let's try later in the month" to me, I'd 100% take that as "I'm not really interested". Five is a lot to juggle...that will fill up your week very quickly, even seeing each just 1x a week, which is not all that much for the getting to know you phase. You might thin the herd and stop taking new applicants for a while. For me, as a non "player" man, 2-3 was the most I could reasonably see at once, and that was casual dating. Of the two my final ride on the online-merry-go-round, one is now my wife, and I honestly cannot believe my good fortune in finding her. She later let me know later she was seeing two other guys casually at the same time we first met, but ended that after just one more date each, and before "inviting me into her lair". |
Anonymous
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Date as many as is comfortable to you. It if you have time for 3 then 3, if you have time for 10, then 10. But notice which ones you would prefer, if you had to cut it to 3, and that in and of itself tells you something.
Good for you and good luck! |
Anonymous
| I am a serial monogamist who would rather drink castor oil than do frenetic dating. Would set up a date and if I liked the person, go on another and another and another. If I did not like the person, would set up a date with another person. Never went on multiple dates with multiple people. Not my thing, |
Anonymous
| You should get them all in a room and see what happens. |
Anonymous
I did this once when I was young. I was dating two guys and I couldn't decide which one I would keep dating. So I got them together and they ended up talking to each other the whole time and ignored me. I so deserved it. I was such an ass. |
Anonymous
you were secretly hoping to get dp'ed weren't you? dirty minx. |
Anonymous
Mary? |
Anonymous
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I agree that as many as you have time for, can keep straight and want to date, is the right amount. If one of them asked you if you were going on dates with someone else, would you give an honest answer?
I have dated several men at the same time -- dated as in, gone out on a couple or three dates, agreed to another, but not having sex with them and did not agree to exclusivity. I assumed that most of them were doing the same thing. Dating means, going out on dates (not relationships, to me). Unlike you, OP, my free time is very limited. It would be a turn off to someone who really wanted lots of time and wanted that immediately. I also had no doubt that some of these guys wanted to go out several nights a week (and that wasn't going to be with me). As with another PP, when I met my BF, the situation resolved itself in time. He did not give me a hard time b/c of my schedule and he took the time to get to know me. I think that is what the dating process is for -- figuring out if this person is a good match for you. I have never carried on multiple romantic relationships -- I have not found myself feeling that way towards more than one person at a time. I'm sure some people can. Dating is the process that leads you to "the one." It sounds like you should keep your options open, as you suggest. Don't write one of them off if you think there is potential. The busy guy may be less busy in a month. If your timing is off just by that much, you may miss out on him just b/c other guy is persistent and available. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| OP, a guy here and the whole thing worked differently for me. I did online, would go out with someone a couple of times and then move on if it was obvious there was not mutual interest. Then I dated three women seriously, one at a time. We never had any "talks", just fell into a relationship because we really hit it off and knew something was there. With these three, broke up for the usual reasons - wanted different things out of life, moving for a job, fizzled out, etc. Met my wife through a friend, we were engaged two months later, and married now for 15 years. |
Anonymous
| The one you like that is so busy with work is married. |