dating on line: how many people at once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one you like that is so busy with work is married.

NP here, and I am also online dating and have a guy like this, wondered the same thing- unless he is dating OP and several other women at the same time!!!

This was the excuse I gave (busy with work/life/projects/whatever) when I was dating multiple people. I was not married and it wasn't a wife I was hiding - it was another date...or not. Sometimes it wasn't a lie, it was just a way to slow things down and in fact to get some stuff done I needed to do. Some women wanted to go from zero to four nights a week doing stuff together and maybe a big chunk of the weekend right off the bat. I think one date a week, maybe two if you can do a quick lunch or something, is plenty to start off (the first month let's say), and when I was doing that with two or three women it filled up my schedule very quickly. I don't think that's particularly man-whore or "player" at all, but I definitely felt run ragged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As many as you feel comfortable juggling logistically - assuming before getting physical, and before making exclusivity commitments.

From a practical standpoint, I have never been able to fit more than three in. At that point logistics sort of take over. But you can always drop one out of three and get another to fill in. When the right person comes along, everyone else falls off naturally.

And as an old married woman, I tell you that you should gather your rosebuds while you can. Once you're married, that's it for variety. But the truth is that every man has something that the other doesn't, so they are all enjoyable in different ways. So you should feel zero guilt about enjoying that smorgasbord while the going gets good. It's not going to last. Might as well enjoy it while you can. I am content being married, but dating lots of men was fun at the time because you get exposed to different things you otherwise wouldn't.

That's why as a man I hated dating. Someone like you can get an endless stream of guys fawning all over you, paying for your meals, and trying to entertain you. Why would I want to get on that treadmill with you calling the shots

Wow, what a rousing endorsement of marriage. Hopefully your DH has planned in case you need variety again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok to date around when you're just casually dating. The tricky thing for me was always keeping the details straight. At one point I actually had a spreadsheet so I could remember that Guy 1 went to college at UVA and Guy 2 had a sister named Lisa. I'd glance at it before dates to brush up.

I think generally you'll know after 2-3 dates if someone is interested and if you're interested enough to keep it going.

I had a terrible time keeping straight what I did with whom...my (now) wife was always telling me, "no, you saw that movie with your other girlfriend". It was embarrassing as heck...and she was sometimes correct! I am totally not cut out for more than serial monogamy (and now, just plain monogamy).

I have the worst memory and have trouble keeping things straight with my husband. I will swear I told him something or he was there when x thing happened and he will say, "no, I guess that was with your other husband"

It happened again last night...I know I went to see this musical (Sweeny Todd) at a place where we went to a bunch of shows while we were dating...she swears she didn't see it...I'm sure it was other girlfriend, but now I can't remember who she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. Back in my dating days, I tried dating multiple people...I quit it one weekend in 1997. I had a dinner date (second) on friday, and a lunch date on Sat. (first), followed by a "picnic" date on Sunday with someone that I liked, but was giving me mixed signals.

The problem came that the Fri. date went well, and she spent the night with me. At about 10 AM, I realized I had a problem...she wanted to hang with me for the day. Fortunately, I was able to come up with an excuse....tickets to a day game with friends at camden yards.

But, I really did not have time to clean up before date number two....and I think my pheromones were plentiful, as she was all over me (even though it was a first date). She came over after lunch, and I had a good time. Unfortunately, date girl from the night before thought it would be fun to surprise me after the game...and when the second girl was going to leave the two met. It was not pleasant.

The good news is at the picnic on Sunday, I realized that she might be the one. And we talked about exclusivity. (I did not sleep with her then). About 20 months later, we got married, and remain together today,

I had a similar experience - I was only dating two women at that point. I had a wonderful hiking date for Saturday planned with #1, and it went very well. I was going canoeing with #2 (yes, outdoors stuff was important to me, and I wanted to find someone who genuinely enjoyed doing that kind of thing so it wouldn't end as soon as we were committed) the next day. I didn't think this was too extreme, and I'd not made evening plans with either for any of the nights. The hike went so well, #1 didn't want to end the day and invited me over for dinner and that wound up being an overnight stay. Getting out of there in the AM - the excuse was I've got plans with a friend already - was...harried. I met date #2 for our canoe trip and all went smoothly, and I have no idea if she picked up on something or what...I cleaned up very well. But we got caught in a thunderstorm and she pretty much ravaged me when we took shelter for a while. I wound up spending the evening with her as well. I didn't get caught but I had no expectations of sleeping with either of them, and stopping it would've signaled missing interest (#2 said point blank she was wondering why I was taking so long to make a move); I hadn't really decided who was a better match for me yet. It sounds teenage-male-awesome but actually I felt pretty stressed out and gross. I was very attracted to both, but I was not trying to push sleeping together because I did want to be non-exclusive. It's not always men who initiate this and try to set the pace for the relationship. I did date (and sleep) with both of them a little longer - a couple of weeks - but living that double life was not fun - it actually started causing performance anxiety problems.

I was super-lucky to meet two fantastic women, and while I wound up ending it with #2 and am married to #1, it was an embarrassment of riches.

[Anonymous]

OP: Well after this weekend seems like I'm down from 5 to 3 so maybe the winnowing down process is working.