dating on line: how many people at once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one you like that is so busy with work is married.

NP here, and I am also online dating and have a guy like this, wondered the same thing- unless he is dating OP and several other women at the same time!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one you like that is so busy with work is married.

NP here, and I am also online dating and have a guy like this, wondered the same thing- unless he is dating OP and several other women at the same time!!!

OP: I don't think so. He's in politics and obsessed. Works all weekend, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that as many as you have time for, can keep straight and want to date, is the right amount. If one of them asked you if you were going on dates with someone else, would you give an honest answer?

I have dated several men at the same time -- dated as in, gone out on a couple or three dates, agreed to another, but not having sex with them and did not agree to exclusivity. I assumed that most of them were doing the same thing. Dating means, going out on dates (not relationships, to me). Unlike you, OP, my free time is very limited. It would be a turn off to someone who really wanted lots of time and wanted that immediately. I also had no doubt that some of these guys wanted to go out several nights a week (and that wasn't going to be with me).

As with another PP, when I met my BF, the situation resolved itself in time. He did not give me a hard time b/c of my schedule and he took the time to get to know me. I think that is what the dating process is for -- figuring out if this person is a good match for you. I have never carried on multiple romantic relationships -- I have not found myself feeling that way towards more than one person at a time. I'm sure some people can.

Dating is the process that leads you to "the one." It sounds like you should keep your options open, as you suggest. Don't write one of them off if you think there is potential. The busy guy may be less busy in a month. If your timing is off just by that much, you may miss out on him just b/c other guy is persistent and available.

OP: Thanks. Good thought that I should be careful not to end up in something with someone just because he is persistent.

[Anonymous]

I just have to say that I dated three guys with the same name all at once for a while. It confused the shit out of me, but was fun!

[Anonymous]

This is the beauty of dating. Or rather what dating itself if actually designed for.

To meet different people, to see what is out there and to see who you click with and who you do not.

Until you and someone decide mutually to date exclusively, then I see no reason for you to feel like you are doing anything wrong by seeing other people. It is your prerogative to do as you please.

There is a good chance that these men are doing the same thing and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

*is

[Anonymous]

For me it was 2-3 people at once. Normally, I wouldn't see a guy at first more than once a week so that's 3-4 weeks to get to the infamous three dates. I think at three dates over a month span with talking/texting/emailing in between dates, you either are interested or you are not. Guys should be dropping off the dating roster after the first, second or third date. As others have said the cream rises to the top. If you are finding 4-5 guys that have similar values, have fireworks/chemistry, and that are looking to really settle down with one woman soon that are making it past date three/at least a month, I am amazed.

You could have the nice guy that you are going out with but you aren't truly compatible but you don't want to let it go because he is cute and fun and no one else is even coming close to that. I think that's the hardest relationship to end. Usually time takes care of that because you won't want to have the exclusive talk so you both continue to date until you find someone more compatible.

[Anonymous]

As many as you feel comfortable juggling logistically - assuming before getting physical, and before making exclusivity commitments.

From a practical standpoint, I have never been able to fit more than three in. At that point logistics sort of take over. But you can always drop one out of three and get another to fill in. When the right person comes along, everyone else falls off naturally.

And as an old married woman, I tell you that you should gather your rosebuds while you can. Once you're married, that's it for variety. But the truth is that every man has something that the other doesn't, so they are all enjoyable in different ways. So you should feel zero guilt about enjoying that smorgasbord while the going gets good. It's not going to last. Might as well enjoy it while you can. I am content being married, but dating lots of men was fun at the time because you get exposed to different things you otherwise wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

"NP here, and I am also online dating and have a guy like this, wondered the same thing- unless he is dating OP and several other women at the same time!!!

OP: I don't think so. He's in politics and obsessed. Works all weekend, it seems."

Oh no. He's either playing the field, a commitment phoebe, or both. Write him off now.

[Anonymous]

I think it's ok to date around when you're just casually dating. The tricky thing for me was always keeping the details straight. At one point I actually had a spreadsheet so I could remember that Guy 1 went to college at UVA and Guy 2 had a sister named Lisa. I'd glance at it before dates to brush up.

I think generally you'll know after 2-3 dates if someone is interested and if you're interested enough to keep it going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok to date around when you're just casually dating. The tricky thing for me was always keeping the details straight. At one point I actually had a spreadsheet so I could remember that Guy 1 went to college at UVA and Guy 2 had a sister named Lisa. I'd glance at it before dates to brush up.

I think generally you'll know after 2-3 dates if someone is interested and if you're interested enough to keep it going.

I had a terrible time keeping straight what I did with whom...my (now) wife was always telling me, "no, you saw that movie with your other girlfriend". It was embarrassing as heck...and she was sometimes correct! I am totally not cut out for more than serial monogamy (and now, just plain monogamy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok to date around when you're just casually dating. The tricky thing for me was always keeping the details straight. At one point I actually had a spreadsheet so I could remember that Guy 1 went to college at UVA and Guy 2 had a sister named Lisa. I'd glance at it before dates to brush up.

I think generally you'll know after 2-3 dates if someone is interested and if you're interested enough to keep it going.

I had a terrible time keeping straight what I did with whom...my (now) wife was always telling me, "no, you saw that movie with your other girlfriend". It was embarrassing as heck...and she was sometimes correct! I am totally not cut out for more than serial monogamy (and now, just plain monogamy).

I have the worst memory and have trouble keeping things straight with my husband. I will swear I told him something or he was there when x thing happened and he will say, "no, I guess that was with your other husband"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one you like that is so busy with work is married.

+100

To me . Just found out husband met woman online for dates.

They are all scumbags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As many as you feel comfortable juggling logistically - assuming before getting physical, and before making exclusivity commitments.

From a practical standpoint, I have never been able to fit more than three in. At that point logistics sort of take over. But you can always drop one out of three and get another to fill in. When the right person comes along, everyone else falls off naturally.

And as an old married woman, I tell you that you should gather your rosebuds while you can. Once you're married, that's it for variety. But the truth is that every man has something that the other doesn't, so they are all enjoyable in different ways. So you should feel zero guilt about enjoying that smorgasbord while the going gets good. It's not going to last. Might as well enjoy it while you can. I am content being married, but dating lots of men was fun at the time because you get exposed to different things you otherwise wouldn't.

That's why as a man I hated dating. Someone like you can get an endless stream of guys fawning all over you, paying for your meals, and trying to entertain you. Why would I want to get on that treadmill with you calling the shots

[Anonymous]

Guy here. Back in my dating days, I tried dating multiple people...I quit it one weekend in 1997. I had a dinner date (second) on friday, and a lunch date on Sat. (first), followed by a "picnic" date on Sunday with someone that I liked, but was giving me mixed signals.

The problem came that the Fri. date went well, and she spent the night with me. At about 10 AM, I realized I had a problem...she wanted to hang with me for the day. Fortunately, I was able to come up with an excuse....tickets to a day game with friends at camden yards.

But, I really did not have time to clean up before date number two....and I think my pheromones were plentiful, as she was all over me (even though it was a first date). She came over after lunch, and I had a good time. Unfortunately, date girl from the night before thought it would be fun to surprise me after the game...and when the second girl was going to leave the two met. It was not pleasant.

The good news is at the picnic on Sunday, I realized that she might be the one. And we talked about exclusivity. (I did not sleep with her then). About 20 months later, we got married, and remain together today,