He does not want to try anymore
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| We have been struggling with our relationship for 3 years. Our son is 2. I moved out a year and a half ago and since then it has been a roller-coaster. Nothing seems to work. I am in therapy. He is too. But we are not in couples' therapy. He would say that we are finished and then a month later we end up spending time as family. Then we argue again - he doesnt want to be in a committed relationship with me because he doesnt believe I have changed, I get angry because I cannot show him I can be different if we are not in a relationship. Then i blow up. He leaves me again saying that it is enough and we need to move on with our lives. A month ago we spent 5 days in a row together. After the argument he sent me an email saying that it is time to end this and that we can not work our issues out and that I need to move on. I can tell this is the end. I have been trying to talk to him but all I hear is that he is done and not coming back. I am very upset and cannot concentrate on anything. Our son is sensing everything too. I do not know what to do. I know I need to leave him alone but it is so hard to think he is seeing someone. I am afraid of total separation and growing apart. I am a mess. He promised not to mislead me again by asking me to spend time together. And that is a sign of him moving on. What bothers me is that it is easy for him. And I cannot put myself together. What to do??? |
Anonymous
|
I know you said you are in therapy, but it doesnt' really seem like it is working.
You guys have been separated for 1.5 years and despite making efforts to get back together, it hasn't worked several times. The best thing to do IS move on. It doesn't sound like it is easy for him, he's just realizing that after this much time, what you guys are doing is no longer healthy. I encourage you to make more appts with your therapist, but you really do have to let this go. And get a lawyer to determine custody, etc. |
Anonymous
Leave. You're being strung along by someone who can't commit to making things work. The fact that he's constantly blaming you is a mindjob. You don't say why you split in the first place, nor what your part in this is (and there is one). But if you're not going to therapy together and actively working on the relationship, you need to just let it be done. |
Anonymous
|
OP.
Yes, it is unhealthy. I have this hope that somehow we will find the solution. But we can not. Thanks, I need to see the reality. |
Anonymous
| Struggled with the relationship for three years and have a two year old? Two idiots... |
Anonymous
| OP - Please tell us that you aren't fucking this loser. |
Anonymous
Op here. Without knowing the details, how can you be so judgmental? We had a kid 2 years ago. Tried to make things work while I was pregnant and after I had the baby. Obviously, we were in love and wanted a child badly. We did not know it would be difficult to overcome my issues. Later on realized he has his own. |
Anonymous
 of course we have been having sex. Not a loser. He got sick and tired of my behavior. But I am really trying to change...
|
Anonymous
So you thought having a child would solve the problem? Just because two people want a child badly, doesn't mean they should. You sound young and immature. |
Anonymous
|
why is he the loser? how is he stringing her along. this is the problem with women - you simply cannot accept reality - he has said it's over. yet you still fuck him in the hopes of getting back together.
you say you can't show him you've changed unless you're together again. wow. you need to look in the mirror and you'll see the problem. hate to be so blunt but this is on the both of you - not just him. accept reality and finalize the divorce. focus on creating an incredible for your DS. heal and deal with all your issues. GL |
Anonymous
|
You're a borderline, aren't you? Because your feelings of abandonment, your feelings that he's "leading you on" by spending time with you and your child, and your general drama makes you sound like a borderline. That's a tough place for both of you.
Talk to your therapist about what to do. Don't take random advice from people on the internet about something as serious as your marriage. |
Anonymous
Divorce? They'd have to be married first. This is the classic case of some 27 year old who thought she was mature enough to bring a child into an unstable relationship. |
Anonymous
"He would say that we are finished and then a month later we end up spending time as family." You can't see that this guy is manipulating you? Sheesh! 
|
Anonymous
No, we moved in and in 2 months I got pregnant after a bad miscarriage. We were so happy about the pregnancy! The problems started when I was already in my third trimester. |
Anonymous
And you'd been dating for how long before you moved in together? |