How are kids supposed to address professors? Dr., Professor, first name? Daughter got rude reaction

[Anonymous]

Yeah, because that conclusion follows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Calling by first name is just so rude.

Parents pay upwards of $70,000 a year and you want our kids to walk on eggshells and bow down like plebs to liberal arts hacks? Alter your freaking narcotic.

So maybe scholarship recipients can address people with respect and full-pay can use first names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread has given me a whole new understanding of how there ends up being such rampant sexual harassment by professors victimizing students, and how academics close ranks and protect their own.

Nope. Those professors are the ones chumming up to students on a first-name basis, going out drinking with students, etc. You should feel better about professors that insist on a professional relationship and appropriate distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Professor here.

There is usually a pattern. Students who are very casual with profs and who write sloppy, casual emails are not the top students. They often struggle in the course as well.

Also I write a ton of reference letters for jobs, grad school, law school, med school etc. and I always look the students name up in me emails to see if they communicated with me and how. I am not going to write a reference letter for someone who can't even ask for it in a professional way.

This is very interesting and relevant! Professors can easily determine how students behave generally by their communication behavior.

Part of the problem with the new generations (yes, mine) is the entitlement, which is handed down to kids when they're allowed to call adults by their first names. Addressing adults, coworkers, or contemporaries with proper titles indicates respect, intelligence, and awareness.

But, you do you and my child will just benefit from your's being rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Dad I think you should march down to the college and demand a meeting with the Advisor to get an apology for your daughter for **checks notes** advising her about appropriate professionalism. Bring your tuition receipts.

I hope you'll do the same when she gets a job. You can bring your rent receipts for that, probably cell phone and health care too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread has given me a whole new understanding of how there ends up being such rampant sexual harassment by professors victimizing students, and how academics close ranks and protect their own.

Nope. Those professors are the ones chumming up to students on a first-name basis, going out drinking with students, etc. You should feel better about professors that insist on a professional relationship and appropriate distance.

Yes, because in tbe old days when nobody used first names, there was no sexual harassment by professors, and universities and other professors didn't universally support sexual assaulters and close ranks, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread has given me a whole new understanding of how there ends up being such rampant sexual harassment by professors victimizing students, and how academics close ranks and protect their own.

Nope. Those professors are the ones chumming up to students on a first-name basis, going out drinking with students, etc. You should feel better about professors that insist on a professional relationship and appropriate distance.

Yes, because in tbe old days when nobody used first names, there was no sexual harassment by professors, and universities and other professors didn't universally support sexual assaulters and close ranks, right?

You always knew the guy who would go to student parties and insisted they use his first name was a pretty sure bet.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I think it is the parent's fault if you didn't teach your kids to err on the side of caution and address adults/professors in the more conservative way until told to do otherwise by the individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is NOT a peer to the professors or other university staff. She is not a personal friend. She is not on the same level.

Those people did your daughter a favor by pointing out her mistake so that she doesn't make the same mistake in a situation that could have worse consequences (i.e. a job interview or other professional setting.).

The good news is that your daughter really is getting an education in how to comport herself! Yay for her college.

Completely agree. She was out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to Princeton years ago. The convention was that students addressed professors as Mr. or Ms. and the professor addressed students as Mr. or Ms.

Equality among scholars and all that.

My SLAC was the same way, but everyone used first names. Then again, all of my professors were cool and confident scholars. In my view, academics demanding to be called doctor or professor highlights some mental imbalance and/or professional insecurity.

I agree. The profs I know do NOT want to be called anything but by their first name, all the more so for grad students. They are offended if they explain this to students and the students still call them Dr. or Prof. Academia is generally not about power relationships but collegial learning. That said, I would probably start with Dr. or Prof. until told to do otherwise or until I heard my classmates using first names, unless it's practice at the entire school to use first names. But I'm from an older generation than students today.

In my experience moving from the west coast where even elementary school teachers sometimes go by first names to the very old-fashioned east coast, I've concluded that using titles is more about distance than respect. Sometimes you want to keep someone at arms length/have a more business-like relationship--then titles are appropriate. Most professors are focused on teaching important stuff, not worrying about social conventions as much as other settings like the corporate world. First name basis is just as much about respect as last names--it's how you conduct yourself that conveys respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Calling by first name is just so rude.

Parents pay upwards of $70,000 a year and you want our kids to walk on eggshells and bow down like plebs to liberal arts hacks? Alter your freaking narcotic.

So maybe scholarship recipients can address people with respect and full-pay can use first names?

Not sure why you want to pay $70K year if you consider the profs liberal arts hacks. There are lots of other options you know. In any event, this reaction seems over the top in relation to the issue - a prof wanting professional boundaries with students. You may disagree with the attitude but it is not forcing someone to bow down like a pleb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread has given me a whole new understanding of how there ends up being such rampant sexual harassment by professors victimizing students, and how academics close ranks and protect their own.

Nope. Those professors are the ones chumming up to students on a first-name basis, going out drinking with students, etc. You should feel better about professors that insist on a professional relationship and appropriate distance.

Yes, because in tbe old days when nobody used first names, there was no sexual harassment by professors, and universities and other professors didn't universally support sexual assaulters and close ranks, right?

You always knew the guy who would go to student parties and insisted they use his first name was a pretty sure bet.

Are you truly making the point that there wasn't abuse and harassment in the wonderful old days when titles were strictly used, except for the rare ones who used first names? You miss those days, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread has given me a whole new understanding of how there ends up being such rampant sexual harassment by professors victimizing students, and how academics close ranks and protect their own.

Nope. Those professors are the ones chumming up to students on a first-name basis, going out drinking with students, etc. You should feel better about professors that insist on a professional relationship and appropriate distance.

Yes, because in tbe old days when nobody used first names, there was no sexual harassment by professors, and universities and other professors didn't universally support sexual assaulters and close ranks, right?

You always knew the guy who would go to student parties and insisted they use his first name was a pretty sure bet.

Are you truly making the point that there wasn't abuse and harassment in the wonderful old days when titles were strictly used, except for the rare ones who used first names? You miss those days, do you?

Reading comprehension must not be your strong point. Apparently jumping to conclusions is.

Where did I say anything at all about anyone other than one specific type of prof? I commented on that type of person being a prime suspect, which says nothing at all about whether anyone else is suspect.

Learn to read. Maybe go back to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have a PhD and I’m not calling every random person I meet “Mr” or “Mrs” something. That’s ridiculous. I’m not 5 years old and we don’t live in Germany. In that case they should be calling me “Dr” which I would never expect them to do outside an academic setting.

It's odd to me that you believe your PhD is relevant to the issue of using Mr. and Ms. You should call adults you don't know Mr. and Ms. They don't have to call you Dr. outside of an academic setting or professional setting directly tied to your education. This is simple manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Parents pay upwards of $70,000 a year and you want our kids to walk on eggshells and bow down like plebs to liberal arts hacks? Alter your freaking narcotic.

Professional courtesy is not "bowing down." It's having good manners.

I can see why your child acts like a swine. She learned it at home.

Unfortunately, money doesn't buy class.