How to Tell my Mom to Stop Sending my DS Money
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Anonymous
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My mom (my son's Grandmother) has been sending money to my college-aged son every month or two. Not just Christmas/birthday money, but almost monthly. According to DS, it is around $100/month or so, but that is beside the point. She can definitely afford this, so I am not afraid of her spending too much money, but I just don't think it is appropriate and I have told her such on multiple occasions. DS has a part time job through his school, and a full ride through scholarships/parents/my mom helping out so it is not like he has not spending money or is broke. My mom says its because my son is her youngest grandchild and only one still in college and she wants to spoil him, which I think is a ridicules justification for sending him money. I have suggested that she save it up and possibly give it as a graduation present, or put it into an account to be used towards something specific (my example was to use it for a study abroad opportunity, etc).
My question is if there is any way you guys would suggest I handle this, and if I am overreacting? |
Anonymous
| Can you suggest your mom cut the sum in half and put the other half into a nice investment account for him? That way she gets the fun of splurging a little and your son gets a bit less "fun money" and more of a nest egg upon graduation. |
Anonymous
| They're both adults. There is not much you can do. |
Anonymous
This. It's their relationship. I've got a college fund saved for my nephew. It never crossed my mind that my brother might have problems with me giving cash to my nephew. I know many, many grandparents who contribute to their grand kids college. The way your mom is doing it is a little unusual, but it's still really nice. You could talk to your son about saving part or all of it as a nest egg for starting a career or buying a house, though. |
Anonymous
| MYOB. She is just being nice. Maybe she wants for him to be able to work less so he can study more. Why do you care that she's sending him the money? He is an adult. |
Anonymous
It may seem ridiculous to you, but given that it's her money and they are both adults, that's irrelevant. |
Anonymous
| Tell her he'll use it for drugs. |
Anonymous
| They are adults. Why does this bother you so much? It seems really controlling. |
Anonymous
| Teach him to save the money. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| You can suggest that he save it for things he might want after college (house, car, travel) but otherwise, I think you should butt out. Like others have said, they are both adults and its their relationship. It has nothing to do with you. |
Anonymous
From a parent's point of view, depending on the circumstances, it is problematic for a teen/college student to receive cash and it can clash with a parent's objectives. My son (a college freshman) is a spendthrift despite our many discussions, explanations about budgeting, etc., and therefore our approach with him is to let him run out of the money he earned over the summers (he is very close) so that he can experience the effects. We will then expect him to do without (his basic expenses are covered), or we may consider giving him some minimal amount. If a relative came in and rescued him, it would counteract what we are trying to accomplish, i.e. let him experience the effects of overspending firsthand in a meaningful way while the stakes are still low. Another example: I have a nephew who has a drug and alcohol problem. His parents are on it in various ways, but part of the issue is spending money (he spends it all on pot and alcohol). Therefore we give him gift cards, not cash, for birthdays, etc. (at his parents' request). If the grandmother of OP's son must do something, she could put the money in an account for study abroad, a future major purchase, etc. But bottom-line, she should abide by the parents' wishes. |
Anonymous
You are correct that there isn't anything this mom can do, but I'm sure she is partly bothered because she is trying to teach her son life skills, which include living within his means, and he is clearly living better than he should. The grandmother is potentially helping cultivate a young man who can't manage for himself once he is finished with school. The conversation I would have with grandma is about how she can spoil him without frittering the money away.... maybe help pay for a trip abroad after college? maybe put it toward grad school? a down payment on a house... moving costs.... allowing him to take a great unpaid internship next summer.... rather than on beer, food, and football tickets. |
Anonymous
| Unless your son has a drug or alcohol problem I'd let it go. My college age DC would be thrilled to get an extra $100 a month, and I'd be happy if one of her grandparents did that. You could certainly suggest that your DC save it for international travel while studying abroad (most of the study abroad programs are covered by tuition so you just need to fund the extras). |
Anonymous
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She isn't sending him thousands -- so let him use the money to enjoy college. He's an adult now, and you need to let it go.
If you feel the need to be involved, ask your son to put it in an account to save for a graduation trip or something else. I think you are unwilling to let go your control issues, and you are taking away some joy from another person. Your mom feels good about sharing her money. Let it be. |