How to Tell my Mom to Stop Sending my DS Money

[Anonymous]

Your mother sounds like a really nice lady. Your kid sounds like a good kid. What do you think is going to happen to your son if he gets an extra $100 every couple of months.

She wants to take care of him and he needs the money. Let her help him out.

You are over-reacting and being very, very controlling. Are you jealous of their relationship? Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Your son and your mom are both adults. Why do you feel you need to get in the middle of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son and your mom are both adults. Why do you feel you need to get in the middle of it?

So long as the kid is supported, at least in part, by his parents, the kid is not an adult. sorry.

[Anonymous]

I think many PPs are missing the point here. Grandma should be sensitive to the mom's wishes about giving too much money to her son. Maybe it's grandma that is being controlling here?

[Anonymous]

Just say "no." Or let it go. Your son will turn out fine. Lucky you. She has $$ to send. Many of us have to support our Moms while raising our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son and your mom are both adults. Why do you feel you need to get in the middle of it?

So long as the kid is supported, at least in part, by his parents, the kid is not an adult. sorry.

Financial support doesn't determine if someone is an adult.

[Anonymous]

I say let it go. Set up an account, talk to your son about savings and goals and let him have at it. He's old enough to be reasonable and responsible about the money. If he chooses not too, after you've had a discussion with him about it, then that's on him. maybe he is going to have to learn this lesson the hard way once he gets out into the world on his own and doesent have easy access to money.

[Anonymous]

Unless he has a drug/alcohol problem, I don't understand your objection, OP.

It's a nice gesture on your mother's part. The fact that it comes regularly which means they have regular contact and thus a relationship. That's nice. And you say your mother can afford it. She obviously gets pleasure from doing this, which is all good unless there's some relationship baggage that puts

And it's only $100/month. That's not actually that much. Most college aged boys can eat $100 worth of extra food in a week-- Think late night pizzas, sub sandwiches between classes, etc.

A lot of college students get in credit card trouble due to financial illiteracy and inexperience. Maybe this will help with the kind of incidental expenses that could easily add up.

What, exactly, is your concern OP? Because frankly, my only worry in your situation would be that my son was not sending adequate thank you notes to Grandma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son and your mom are both adults. Why do you feel you need to get in the middle of it?

So long as the kid is supported, at least in part, by his parents, the kid is not an adult. sorry.

Financial support doesn't determine if someone is an adult.

in DCUM world, where parents hold onto the last scraps of their authority like a lion eating every last piece of the gazelle, it does.

I truly don't see the issue, OP. You seem worried that he isn't learning any real world lessons about money, and yet, you micromanaging him is not really teaching him that, either.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely overreacting. The only response to this is thank you. Please don't say anything and ruin something that is really kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're both adults. There is not much you can do.

This. It's their relationship.

I've got a college fund saved for my nephew. It never crossed my mind that my brother might have problems with me giving cash to my nephew. I know many, many grandparents who contribute to their grand kids college. The way your mom is doing it is a little unusual, but it's still really nice. You could talk to your son about saving part or all of it as a nest egg for starting a career or buying a house, though.

From a parent's point of view, depending on the circumstances, it is problematic for a teen/college student to receive cash and it can clash with a parent's objectives. My son (a college freshman) is a spendthrift despite our many discussions, explanations about budgeting, etc., and therefore our approach with him is to let him run out of the money he earned over the summers (he is very close) so that he can experience the effects. We will then expect him to do without (his basic expenses are covered), or we may consider giving him some minimal amount. If a relative came in and rescued him, it would counteract what we are trying to accomplish, i.e. let him experience the effects of overspending firsthand in a meaningful way while the stakes are still low.

Another example: I have a nephew who has a drug and alcohol problem. His parents are on it in various ways, but part of the issue is spending money (he spends it all on pot and alcohol). Therefore we give him gift cards, not cash, for birthdays, etc. (at his parents' request).

If the grandmother of OP's son must do something, she could put the money in an account for study abroad, a future major purchase, etc. But bottom-line, she should abide by the parents' wishes.

The parents are no longer the ultimate decision maker. The time to teach money skills is BEFORE your child becomes an adult and heads out on their own. If they are dependent on you and your money, then you can have a say about how it is spent and whether or not you will give more when the run out, but this is not OPs money. She doesn't get to decide how to spend it, nor can she decide whether her son will accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many PPs are missing the point here. Grandma should be sensitive to the mom's wishes about giving too much money to her son. Maybe it's grandma that is being controlling here?

No. Grandma and kid are both adults. Grandma isn't giving a ton of money. Mom is being a freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many PPs are missing the point here. Grandma should be sensitive to the mom's wishes about giving too much money to her son. Maybe it's grandma that is being controlling here?

If we were talking about a 5 year old, yes, you're right. We're talking about an adult and their relationship with another adult. Mom needs to stay out of it, and let her snowflake grow up. You can't make his decisions forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many PPs are missing the point here. Grandma should be sensitive to the mom's wishes about giving too much money to her son. Maybe it's grandma that is being controlling here?

No. Grandma and kid are both adults. Grandma isn't giving a ton of money. Mom is being a freak.

And I may have read the OP wrong, but it sounds like grandma is helping pay the tuition, money which the OP does not appear to be balking at. So why fret about a little extra spending money? The kid has a job, OP doesn't mention any issues he is having gambling away the king'a ransom of 100/month or blowing it on hookers and hooch---so yeah, controlling.

[Anonymous]

I had an aunt in college who wanted to send me money, but it came with a lot of strings - check ins, sending her my grades (it was $100/month). I was paying my own way through school and that would have been helpful for rent, but I didn't want to deal with the control-freak aunt, so I turned it down.
It doesn't sound like Grandma is doing this, so I really don't see why this is a problem. Honestly, maybe it lets your mom feel more connected to her grandkid in some way. I'm sure it makes your son want to call her more often, and really it's win win for them both.