Does your spouse opt out of parenting responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

DS woke up sick today. 99% of the time, I'm the one who takes off work, runs kids to doctor's office, gets medicine, and stays home rest of day with sick child. Unfortunately, I had an appointment with our other child so we had to divide and conquer. I gave him the appointment that was the quickest and I thought the simplest.

It did not dawn on me that DH had no clue what medicine my son was taking as prescribed by the ENT doctor. I left it on the table so he could take to pediatrician's office and show the doctor but he forgot. Ugg - the doctor did not read the file and my DH did not know basic medical info. of what has been going on with my son sense Sept. So, in short, I am waiting for the doctor to call me back to discuss why he prescribe a med that the ENT took him off of and what to do from here since neither the peds meds or the ENT meds are working.

It caused me to wonder, if something happened to me, could my DH comprehend taking care of the kids needs? What parent goes through life not knowing medical info. about their child?

[Anonymous]

I'd really like to hear your husband's side of the story. I know too many moms who take complete control over their children's lives and then get mad at their husbands when they don't know about things. But the reality is, the wives made them that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS woke up sick today. 99% of the time, I'm the one who takes off work, runs kids to doctor's office, gets medicine, and stays home rest of day with sick child. Unfortunately, I had an appointment with our other child so we had to divide and conquer. I gave him the appointment that was the quickest and I thought the simplest.

It did not dawn on me that DH had no clue what medicine my son was taking as prescribed by the ENT doctor. I left it on the table so he could take to pediatrician's office and show the doctor but he forgot. Ugg - the doctor did not read the file and my DH did not know basic medical info. of what has been going on with my son sense Sept. So, in short, I am waiting for the doctor to call me back to discuss why he prescribe a med that the ENT took him off of and what to do from here since neither the peds meds or the ENT meds are working.

It caused me to wonder, if something happened to me, could my DH comprehend taking care of the kids needs? What parent goes through life not knowing medical info. about their child?

My DW has opted out of parenting our special needs child. She does, however, parent our other children. Still she really doesn't have a clue with regard to our special needs child. I also am vehemently opposed to her opting out, but that's a subject for another post

[Anonymous]

You said you gave him the less complicated appointment, but that sounds pretty complicated to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said you gave him the less complicated appointment, but that sounds pretty complicated to me.

yeah, if the simpler appt is the one where your kid is seeing at least one specialist and changes meds often, you need some way to keep records about their medical situation that isn't your own memory. Like a log book or something.

[Anonymous]

I do get annoyed that DH seem to have no interest in our kid's diet, sleep, or development. He doesn't know much about any of them (fine, we over google that stuff anyway) but he doesn't even seem to care. Like, feed them crackers, whatever's in the house, whatever. I SAH so I have no problem that 90% of the childcare will fall on me, but it'd be nice if he could help me troubleshoot our son's napping issues and maybe actually feed him or put him down for a nap every once in a while.

[Anonymous]

You sound stressed and are freaking out over a mistake. Let your spouse work with the doctor to fix it. When you are less pissed, come up with a plan on how he would go through life without you.

[Anonymous]

There is no opting out when you're a parent.

My God you women on here marry and produce with some of the sorriest males I have ever heard of in my life.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm a SAHM and my DH travels a lot but he still knows what is going in with the kids-- comes to some dr. Appts that he can, and asks about their daily lives. Of course my girls are (thankfully!) super healthy so far so there is not much to keep track of or be involved in.

Honestly, I often 'make' him responsible for the girls so that he is up to date on their development. I have also had to teach myself to update him regularly on their lives. I am not a big small talk person and so for awhile I didn't talk to him about the minutia of what we did at home during the day because it was boring to me and I thought it would be for him. But then I realized I was creating distance between him and them, so now I make it a point to talk consistently about what is happening with them and it helps (though he often does not listen, but that's another issue).

My point, I guess, is that sometimes I feel like I'm not being a 'good' SAHM when I ask him to take responsibility for something for the kids, but it's the most effective way to keep him an active part of their lives. So maybe you could make your H responsible for part of your kids health care-- especially since you both work. Talk to him and create a plan so that he is more involved-- even if he doesn't particularly want to be. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd really like to hear your husband's side of the story. I know too many moms who take complete control over their children's lives and then get mad at their husbands when they don't know about things. But the reality is, the wives made them that way.

Wow. Poor man who was made to be a certain way. Did she hold a gun to your head and force you not to read the bottle of medication? The if only there was a way to look up what the medication was...oh some magical thing called Google maybe. So your wife got a little testy with your ignorance and YOU gave up. Grow the f up and take responsibility for your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd really like to hear your husband's side of the story. I know too many moms who take complete control over their children's lives and then get mad at their husbands when they don't know about things. But the reality is, the wives made them that way.

Wow. Poor man who was made to be a certain way. Did she hold a gun to your head and force you not to read the bottle of medication? The if only there was a way to look up what the medication was...oh some magical thing called Google maybe. So your wife got a little testy with your ignorance and YOU gave up. Grow the f up and take responsibility for your choices.

I would agree with the husband here because men will typically opt out if you let them. I don't let DH not participate and contribute. That is not an option, but if I was like the OP and took 99% of all that on, you bet DH would be happy to let that happen. So, OP, don't let DH sit by the sidelines and just assume the dad role. Let him and help him be a real dad. It takes time and patience, but it will help you and the kids in the long run. Plus, you can have some peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd really like to hear your husband's side of the story. I know too many moms who take complete control over their children's lives and then get mad at their husbands when they don't know about things. But the reality is, the wives made them that way.

+1. Usually when you see this, it's not a case of a clueless husband, rather a browbeaten one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd really like to hear your husband's side of the story. I know too many moms who take complete control over their children's lives and then get mad at their husbands when they don't know about things. But the reality is, the wives made them that way.

Wow. Poor man who was made to be a certain way. Did she hold a gun to your head and force you not to read the bottle of medication? The if only there was a way to look up what the medication was...oh some magical thing called Google maybe. So your wife got a little testy with your ignorance and YOU gave up. Grow the f up and take responsibility for your choices.

And a typical response from a browbeating wife. Gaslighting!

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Ray took the wrong twin to the doctor's office. I think what you explained is normal. I don't expect my husband to know all the ins and outs of our kids.

[Anonymous]

I SAH so DH wants (and needs) me to be the lead there. He's a great dad and knows more about their sports teams (weekend stuff) than I do, but I maintain all the health stuff, school stuff, etc. When they were babies (and still now) if he's here he participates in bath time, bed time, and weekend napping routines - but I'm the one ends up directing it the bulk of the time. DCs nap at 3pm and it does bother me if I come in from running an errand and it's 3:20 and the kids are still up. DH knows the routine so it's beyond me why he sometimes chooses to make me be Cruise Director, even when it annoys him. He sets us both up for frustration when that happens. He chooses the backseat and then complains about the view.

If I worked we'd be in for a world of hurt because I would refuse to carry the bulk of the home/child stuff and work full time. He'd have to pull more weight on those fronts.