Taking shoes off inside your home - are you offended?
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Anonymous
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Our family takes our shoes off when we get home. I am Asian (though I don't think that's relevant) - and have grown up this way and quite frankly, it grosses me out to think that the shoes you walk into public restrooms with would be inside your home. So we always take our shoes off once we are in the door.
Our close friends know the drill, and we don't need to ask. But when we have neighbors or friends we don't know as well stop by, I always feel weird asking them to take off their shoes. If you don't normally do this, are you offended when you get asked to take off your shoes? Is there a "polite" way to ask this of our guests? Thanks for your thoughts! |
Anonymous
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Put a sign up by the door - you can have something made that's funny/witty so that it's not so "offensive," for lack of a better word.
My friend and her husband (Asian!) always ask us to do the same when we visit. We don't follow that practice at home, but when I do think of where shoes have been, I am grossed out and think that perhaps it's not such a bad idea to leave them by the door! |
Anonymous
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Yes, I'm offended if I am wearing sandals or shoes with no socks and then I have to walk around someone's house barefoot. Esp. if my pedicure is getting old. Very embarrassing.
I think your "drill" should be more about your guests than about you. |
Anonymous
PP, with your tone, an old pedicure is the least of your worries. |
Anonymous
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We're German (so, no, being Asian has nothing to do with it) and we also enforce a no shoe policy too.
We just politely say "would you mind taking off your shoes?" Our friends and neighbors know this and have no problem. I've never heard of anybody being offended by such requests. Wouldn't etiquette deem that guests abide by rules of the hosts' house? |
Anonymous
| I've lived in Korea and China but hate to have tell you that there is no polite way to make this request in the U.S. Polite guests will comply but in the North American cultural context polite hosts will not ask. Your best bet is to line up shoes by the front door -- maybe in a pretty shoe cabinet -- in a place where guests will have to see them and then smoothly offer to help them put their shoes away as you take their coats and purses. No matter how you do it some people are sure to feel offended even though they won't tell you. |
Anonymous
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I'm not offended, but we are a no shoes house (Americans).
We have gotten weird looks, so if it is someone who does not know the drill, I've just come to let it pass and allow them to wear their shoes. I always love polite people who ask if they should remove their shoes, it makes it so easy, I REALLY appreciate people asking. Some people always wear their shoes in the house. For me it is habit to remove my shoes, so sometimes I feel really strange when I'm in a shoes house and I find myself the only one barefoot or in my socks. Kind of like I'm about to recline in their lazy-boy and crack open a beer. |
Anonymous
Just the opposite. It should be about respecting the house rules. Who are you to come in and decide that you can slough around my kitchen and living room in your shoes - I would prefer your ugly pedicure over dirty shoes? Do you lay on your bed with your shoes on too? |
Anonymous
Are you having a bad day or something? Your outburst seems a bit much for the question that was asked. OP - we are also a no-shoes household. I picked up the habit in Russia and my husband grew up this way. We handle it the way that it sounds like you do - our friends know that we are a no-shoe house and follow the drill, and acquaintances and neighbors - we don't say much and they don't take their shoes off. I've thought of putting up a little shoes-off station in the Russian tradition, complete with house slippers for all who come, but haven't gotten around to it for the very reasons that you state - it seems a bit awkward. |
Anonymous
| No, not offended at all. But, we (non-Asians) generally take off our shoes near the entryway and pad around barefoot or sock-footed. I'm so used to taking my shoes off that I'll usually ask/offer to take my shoes off when visiting someone else's house. I'm not offended though if someone visits and doesn't remove their shoes at our house. Our guests usually stay on the main level. I would ask an overnight houseguest to take shoes off before trodding upstairs to our guest rooms. |
Anonymous
ICK. It's a suprise to me you are even invited to anyone's house. When I go to someone's house I follow their customs. I hope you never leave the country, you might find a lot of behavior in cutures different from our own "offensive". |
Anonymous
if you're wearing sandals- wouldn't your toes be visible anyway?! I agree with the others- I wouldn't be offended at all. I'd be glad they told me rather than noticing later that everyone else removed theirs! 
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Anonymous
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The great majority of our guests see our shoes lined up at the door, and see that we are not wearing shoes, and ask "do you want us to take our shoes off?" (I did not grow up in a shoes-off house-- and my own parents are the only offenders I can think of.) Because etiquette is important to me, and the comfort of our guests is paramount, I always reply "if you're comfortable, sure, but it's up to you." I understand that some people simply feel naked without shoes, and I never want someone to be uncomfortable in my home. If I were seriously OCD about it, I could vacuum after they leave. And I have.
On a slight tangent, I don't understand people who walk around their houses in the same shoes they wear on DC's filthy streets. It is impossible to avoid bringing really nasty stuff-- think urine, spit, spilled and spoiled foods-- into your house on the bottoms of your shoes. And then your kids play on those floors! |
Anonymous
| I see both sides - we are a no-shoes house but hypocritically I hate to take my shoes off in others' homes. Quite frankly the only reason is I have had excessively sweaty and therefore really smelly feet since my kids were born. (Just ask my poor husband whom I ask to rub them! ;-p) I try to plan ahead though for houses I know are shoeless and make sure they are the least offensive they can be. Just saying some people might be embarrassed and not just trying to be rude and ignore your wishes. The slipper idea sounds great and would make me (and those in close proximity) feel better! |
Anonymous
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Your kids also play on playgrounds, do they not? And you think playground equipment is pristine? And do the no-shoes people have dogs or cats? If so, then do they wash off the dog's or cat's paws every time it comes in and if not, then don't the pets running around inside defeat the whole "my floors are so untainted by the grim of the outside world" ethos?
I don't have a problem with my friends with the "no shoes" households and willingly adapt---but I think the "no shoes" folks are fooling themselves if they think their houses are more pristine. And I don't think PP who frets about her pedicure should be pilloried. If I'm visting a "no shoes" household and have been running around all day in the heat of summer in sneakers, I'm going to be a little bit self-conscious about my stinky feet when asked to take my shoes off. |