Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Well, so, if your child attends one of these schools who accepts a lot of kids with accommodations is anyone worried about their kid pairing off with a severely ADHD kid? After reading the relationship and family relationship forums & observing married friends it seems difficult to be married to someone with severe ADHD. Parenting and chores, keeping a job - there seem to be many common issues.
I have ADHD, my husband has ADHD and both my kids have ADHD. I was diagnosed in law school back in the 90s wHen adult ADHD was not a thing and what you looked for was hyperactivity. My son in ES but it was obvious very early. My husband because he saw so much of himself in our son, and how much treatment helped him. DD would likely still be undiagnosed in MS but deep into treatment for anxiety if we did not have a strong family history and know what to look for. PP is right. Bright girls with ADHD compensate until the hit a breaking point. But compensating and constantly trying to keep things from falling through the cracks can cause a lot of anxiety. Both DD and I effectively treat anxiety with Adderall, which has the exact opposite effect in no-ADHD kids.
We are a pretty well functioning family. Boring, nerdy. No affairs. No substance abuse. Same jobs for both parents for more than a decade. House in a good school district in NOVA. Both DH and I compensate, although we compensate differently. Sometime I will show you my master family calender on google in a different color for each member of the family, with the same colors on the calender on the fridge. Did I mention ADHD makes women anxious? I think we function pretty well. I think it helps that all 4 of us understand each other, and have mutually agreed to be kind about genuine screwups in things like turning homework in. Or forgetting to email about a play date.
We teach our kids that ADHD is a medical condition. And like many medical conditions, it can be managed so that it does not interfere with your life. We feel strongly about aggressively managing the kids ADHD. And being proactive with our own. They are on medication, but they also took Strategies for Success in MS, and
my HS student has an executive functioning coach, which helps a lot. DD gets one whether she wants it or not at the start of HS. At various times, both kids have done short term work with therapists. DD on anxiety. DS when we ran into internet use issues. I watch Gradebook closely. And if you have a missing assignment, I own your iPhone until it is turned in.
In an ideal world, they go to college without needing accommodations, but we choose colleges that work well with their learning needs. See also: not a huge university with big lectures. DS uses extended time in math only, because that is where he needs extended time. He has extended time on the college board, but says he only uses it on the math section. Which is fine. The scores are good. DD might or might not need them when we get there. I would love to not have to go through the hassle of applying. But I will if I need to.
I didn’t choose to have ADHD. I didn’t choose to have ADHD kids. But they are amazing and are going to go great places. And I definitely would not take the ADHD out. It’s part of who they are. They would not be them without the ADHD piece, and it is both annoying and hysterical when DD trails off in the middle of a conversation because... hey butterfly! Sigh.
I guess I chose to marry a man with ADHD. So you have me there. But I would not undo the decision. He is smart and kind and funny and a wonderful dad and has a great job and...you get the point. I feel very lucky to have married him. 20 years ago.
Maybe this isn’t what you wanted. But ADHD is what you make of it. In our family, we all have brown hair, and we all love Lord of the Rings and we all have ADHD. We all have a sense of humor about the inevitable mixups. And there is a fair amount of teasing about them.
I think you would be lucky to be one of us. But I’m partial.