Inheritance debacle. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more you write, the more it sounds like Mary might have some form of mental health issue. Does your extended family generally accept the idea of getting professional help for such issues? Or is there more of an attitude of not believing that mental health issues are real and that people are just lazy or spoiled?

Yeah, another poster suggested that Mary's mental health issue is "alternative depression". just because someone's a bum doesn't mean they're depressed. Give me a break.

I'm not sure what "alternative depression" is, I've never heard of this particular diagnosis.

I do think from this response and from the response at 1100 that this is possibly a family that doesn't believe that mental health issues exist and that people should just snap out of it and lift themselves up by their own bootstraps. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of sympathy or empathy for this particular woman and it doesn't sound as though anyone did anything to look into what was going on with her and to get her any kind of professional help.

I think that there is more to this story than what has been posted here. I have been shocked at the mean-spirited comments that have been made about Mary. It is too bad that Mary did not have access to good legal advice before the will was settled. It would be a blessing if someone would point Mary in the direction of a good social services counselor and/or family doctor, someone that could give her some idea of what kind of help would be most useful for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more you write, the more it sounds like Mary might have some form of mental health issue. Does your extended family generally accept the idea of getting professional help for such issues? Or is there more of an attitude of not believing that mental health issues are real and that people are just lazy or spoiled?

Yeah, another poster suggested that Mary's mental health issue is "alternative depression". just because someone's a bum doesn't mean they're depressed. Give me a break.

I'm not sure what "alternative depression" is, I've never heard of this particular diagnosis.

I do think from this response and from the response at 1100 that this is possibly a family that doesn't believe that mental health issues exist and that people should just snap out of it and lift themselves up by their own bootstraps. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of sympathy or empathy for this particular woman and it doesn't sound as though anyone did anything to look into what was going on with her and to get her any kind of professional help.

I think that there is more to this story than what has been posted here. I have been shocked at the mean-spirited comments that have been made about Mary. It is too bad that Mary did not have access to good legal advice before the will was settled. It would be a blessing if someone would point Mary in the direction of a good social services counselor and/or family doctor, someone that could give her some idea of what kind of help would be most useful for her.

From what I've read, no one wanted to see her out on the street, including her own mother. She's been enabled all her life -- she was given an education, room & board for many more years than most, a car and a large sum of money in the will, all because people haven't wanted to just give her the boot out the door. She may indeed have a mental health issue, but it may be narcissism. It won't be resolved unless Mary wants the help for herself, but narcissists rarely seek help for themselves. It's time to be a bit sympathetic and supportive to the family, who seems to have an enormously hard time standing up to her. Mary knows that very well.

I think that Thelma and OP's grandmother were/are trying to protect the family's wealth and assets by leaving the house that multiple generations worked so hard for to whom they thought would be the best steward of it. Mary may want to stay in the house, but she doesn't sound like she would be a good caretaker for it. With limited financial means, and no motivation to earn, it could also drain Mary financially. I think it's best for the family to hold on to their hard-earned resources so that when and if a family member is truly in need in their old age, they have the means to help them out. Mary is not there yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more you write, the more it sounds like Mary might have some form of mental health issue. Does your extended family generally accept the idea of getting professional help for such issues? Or is there more of an attitude of not believing that mental health issues are real and that people are just lazy or spoiled?

Yeah, another poster suggested that Mary's mental health issue is "alternative depression". just because someone's a bum doesn't mean they're depressed. Give me a break.

I'm not sure what "alternative depression" is, I've never heard of this particular diagnosis.

I do think from this response and from the response at 1100 that this is possibly a family that doesn't believe that mental health issues exist and that people should just snap out of it and lift themselves up by their own bootstraps. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of sympathy or empathy for this particular woman and it doesn't sound as though anyone did anything to look into what was going on with her and to get her any kind of professional help.

I think that there is more to this story than what has been posted here. I have been shocked at the mean-spirited comments that have been made about Mary. It is too bad that Mary did not have access to good legal advice before the will was settled. It would be a blessing if someone would point Mary in the direction of a good social services counselor and/or family doctor, someone that could give her some idea of what kind of help would be most useful for her.

From what I've read, no one wanted to see her out on the street, including her own mother. She's been enabled all her life -- she was given an education, room & board for many more years than most, a car and a large sum of money in the will, all because people haven't wanted to just give her the boot out the door. She may indeed have a mental health issue, but it may be narcissism. It won't be resolved unless Mary wants the help for herself, but narcissists rarely seek help for themselves. It's time to be a bit sympathetic and supportive to the family, who seems to have an enormously hard time standing up to her. Mary knows that very well.

I think that Thelma and OP's grandmother were/are trying to protect the family's wealth and assets by leaving the house that multiple generations worked so hard for to whom they thought would be the best steward of it. Mary may want to stay in the house, but she doesn't sound like she would be a good caretaker for it. With limited financial means, and no motivation to earn, it could also drain Mary financially. I think it's best for the family to hold on to their hard-earned resources so that when and if a family member is truly in need in their old age, they have the means to help them out. Mary is not there yet.

I just wonder if this is a family that just doesn't believe that mental health issues even exist and that seeking professional help for such issues is somehow shameful. I wonder if they believe that mental health issues don't really exist and that such people are just lazy, unmotivated, spoiled, entitled, a "bum," or a "freeloader."

It would explain a lot about the disdainful way that they refer to Mary.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't Mary's mother leave her daughter the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more you write, the more it sounds like Mary might have some form of mental health issue. Does your extended family generally accept the idea of getting professional help for such issues? Or is there more of an attitude of not believing that mental health issues are real and that people are just lazy or spoiled?

Yeah, another poster suggested that Mary's mental health issue is "alternative depression". just because someone's a bum doesn't mean they're depressed. Give me a break.

I'm not sure what "alternative depression" is, I've never heard of this particular diagnosis.

I do think from this response and from the response at 1100 that this is possibly a family that doesn't believe that mental health issues exist and that people should just snap out of it and lift themselves up by their own bootstraps. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of sympathy or empathy for this particular woman and it doesn't sound as though anyone did anything to look into what was going on with her and to get her any kind of professional help.

I think that there is more to this story than what has been posted here. I have been shocked at the mean-spirited comments that have been made about Mary. It is too bad that Mary did not have access to good legal advice before the will was settled. It would be a blessing if someone would point Mary in the direction of a good social services counselor and/or family doctor, someone that could give her some idea of what kind of help would be most useful for her.

From what I've read, no one wanted to see her out on the street, including her own mother. She's been enabled all her life -- she was given an education, room & board for many more years than most, a car and a large sum of money in the will, all because people haven't wanted to just give her the boot out the door. She may indeed have a mental health issue, but it may be narcissism. It won't be resolved unless Mary wants the help for herself, but narcissists rarely seek help for themselves. It's time to be a bit sympathetic and supportive to the family, who seems to have an enormously hard time standing up to her. Mary knows that very well.

I think that Thelma and OP's grandmother were/are trying to protect the family's wealth and assets by leaving the house that multiple generations worked so hard for to whom they thought would be the best steward of it. Mary may want to stay in the house, but she doesn't sound like she would be a good caretaker for it. With limited financial means, and no motivation to earn, it could also drain Mary financially. I think it's best for the family to hold on to their hard-earned resources so that when and if a family member is truly in need in their old age, they have the means to help them out. Mary is not there yet.

I just wonder if this is a family that just doesn't believe that mental health issues even exist and that seeking professional help for such issues is somehow shameful. I wonder if they believe that mental health issues don't really exist and that such people are just lazy, unmotivated, spoiled, entitled, a "bum," or a "freeloader."

It would explain a lot about the disdainful way that they refer to Mary.

Op here.

My family understands and accepts mental illnesses as several people have anxiety and other various illnesses. My godmother was very big on making sure that people have the help they need. In fact she pushed her own father to see a therapist in a time when that wasn't as mainstream. She probably had Mary evaluated in the past. I'm not sure if she has a mental issue but she is not getting help for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't Mary's mother leave her daughter the house?

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
The details are on the 26 pages... READ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't Mary's mother leave her daughter the house?

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
The details are on the 26 pages... READ.

yes, but something is a bit odd. Did the house belong to Thelma outright. Maybe it belonged 50% to Larla's grandma since it was original the great grandparents house. Maybe this was Thelma's way of giving the grandma (thru her grand) her portion of the house and skip generational taxes.

[Anonymous]

All of that has been explained!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't Mary's mother leave her daughter the house?

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
The details are on the 26 pages... READ.

yes, but something is a bit odd. Did the house belong to Thelma outright. Maybe it belonged 50% to Larla's grandma since it was original the great grandparents house. Maybe this was Thelma's way of giving the grandma (thru her grand) her portion of the house and skip generational taxes.

Good lord - cliff notes:

Thelma owned the house outright. From Thelma's perspective, Mary has squandered all of her opportunities that Thelma financed for her (multiple degrees, jobs, etc.). Mary has always found a way to come back home and freeload off of Thelma. Therefore, the general assumption is that Thelma had enough of Mary's crap - and in her own way - kinda gave Mary a big F YOU by not leaving her the house (although she did leave her 150k and I think a car). The house however, went to a grand niece (who she is also godmother to) and whom she had a much better relationship with.

[Anonymous]

OP no one here, including you, knows if Mary has a mental illness. I'm assuming that you are decent enough that you wouldn't put a mentally ill person who is related to you to live on the street when there is a home available. So I suggest you speak with Mary. Ask her does she have any health issues or psychiatric problems. If she says yes, get proof by attending a doctors appointment with her or having her provide a letter from her doctor. Then you can decide. Mary's behavior suggests to me that there's something going on with her mentally, not just laziness.

Once you have the information you can decide if you want to put a mentally I'll relative on the street or let her stay and make other arrangements. And if she doesn't have any health or mental problems you can proceed to evict her if you wish, without guilt or wondering what if she's really sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP no one here, including you, knows if Mary has a mental illness. I'm assuming that you are decent enough that you wouldn't put a mentally ill person who is related to you to live on the street when there is a home available. So I suggest you speak with Mary. Ask her does she have any health issues or psychiatric problems. If she says yes, get proof by attending a doctors appointment with her or having her provide a letter from her doctor. Then you can decide. Mary's behavior suggests to me that there's something going on with her mentally, not just laziness.

Once you have the information you can decide if you want to put a mentally I'll relative on the street or let her stay and make other arrangements. And if she doesn't have any health or mental problems you can proceed to evict her if you wish, without guilt or wondering what if she's really sick?

This is ridiculous. This isn't a case of a 50 year old with Down syndrome being put on the street. Mary is full of shit and had been playing her mother and is now trying to play her aunt too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP no one here, including you, knows if Mary has a mental illness. I'm assuming that you are decent enough that you wouldn't put a mentally ill person who is related to you to live on the street when there is a home available. So I suggest you speak with Mary. Ask her does she have any health issues or psychiatric problems. If she says yes, get proof by attending a doctors appointment with her or having her provide a letter from her doctor. Then you can decide. Mary's behavior suggests to me that there's something going on with her mentally, not just laziness.

Once you have the information you can decide if you want to put a mentally I'll relative on the street or let her stay and make other arrangements. And if she doesn't have any health or mental problems you can proceed to evict her if you wish, without guilt or wondering what if she's really sick?

I'm not sure why you think Mary will be out on the street. Mary was left a significant amount of money, a car, and has a job. Maybe she's underemployed for her education, but she should be able to pay rent. She may even be able to buy a modest home with her own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP no one here, including you, knows if Mary has a mental illness. I'm assuming that you are decent enough that you wouldn't put a mentally ill person who is related to you to live on the street when there is a home available. So I suggest you speak with Mary. Ask her does she have any health issues or psychiatric problems. If she says yes, get proof by attending a doctors appointment with her or having her provide a letter from her doctor. Then you can decide. Mary's behavior suggests to me that there's something going on with her mentally, not just laziness.

Once you have the information you can decide if you want to put a mentally I'll relative on the street or let her stay and make other arrangements. And if she doesn't have any health or mental problems you can proceed to evict her if you wish, without guilt or wondering what if she's really sick?

I'm not sure why you think Mary will be out on the street. Mary was left a significant amount of money, a car, and has a job. Maybe she's underemployed for her education, but she should be able to pay rent. She may even be able to buy a modest home with her own money.

+1. I bet that's also the person suggesting the op live in the basement and let Mary keep the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP no one here, including you, knows if Mary has a mental illness. I'm assuming that you are decent enough that you wouldn't put a mentally ill person who is related to you to live on the street when there is a home available. So I suggest you speak with Mary. Ask her does she have any health issues or psychiatric problems. If she says yes, get proof by attending a doctors appointment with her or having her provide a letter from her doctor. Then you can decide. Mary's behavior suggests to me that there's something going on with her mentally, not just laziness.

Once you have the information you can decide if you want to put a mentally I'll relative on the street or let her stay and make other arrangements. And if she doesn't have any health or mental problems you can proceed to evict her if you wish, without guilt or wondering what if she's really sick?

I'm not sure why you think Mary will be out on the street. Mary was left a significant amount of money, a car, and has a job. Maybe she's underemployed for her education, but she should be able to pay rent. She may even be able to buy a modest home with her own money.

+1. I bet that's also the person suggesting the op live in the basement and let Mary keep the house.

+1 - why on earth would you live in the basement of the house you now own so that a 50 y/o, who had every opportunity to get her life together and chose not to, can live in the master bedroom??? More importantly, why is it, when someone chooses to live a life of laziness and entitlement, do people jump on the mental illness bandwagon???

I bet if Mary were a man, the conversation would be much different. People would be calling him a lazy piece of shit.

But the fact remains, Mary is older, single, underemployed for her education, has no family/children, therefore, something must be mentally wrong with her. It's nonsense.

I can think of MANY people, most of them I grew up with, who were highly intelligent, very functional, and still live in their parents basements. Why? Because they grew up thinking that everything in life was handed to them - because they had parents that gave them everything they wanted and never made them work for it. That is Mary - mom never made her work for anything - instead - taking her in, letting her live with her, and financing her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP no one here, including you, knows if Mary has a mental illness. I'm assuming that you are decent enough that you wouldn't put a mentally ill person who is related to you to live on the street when there is a home available. So I suggest you speak with Mary. Ask her does she have any health issues or psychiatric problems. If she says yes, get proof by attending a doctors appointment with her or having her provide a letter from her doctor. Then you can decide. Mary's behavior suggests to me that there's something going on with her mentally, not just laziness.

Once you have the information you can decide if you want to put a mentally I'll relative on the street or let her stay and make other arrangements. And if she doesn't have any health or mental problems you can proceed to evict her if you wish, without guilt or wondering what if she's really sick?

Are you kidding me??
So basically you're suggesting that Larla should now become Mary's enabler too??
It seems that was the reason why Thelma left the house to Larla, because Mary is an entitled manipulator.
If Larla opens that can of worms, Mary will take her sympathy/empathy & find a way to manipulate Larla to letting her stay.

Get her out, Larla... it's time.