Big Sex Question/Problem Scenario -- Need Help, All Opinions Valued, Please Don't Put Me Down

[Anonymous]

Ok. My husband and I are going through the same stresses that all new parents go through. More or less. There's nothing big wrong in the marriage -- but we don't have sex very much. We both want to, with about the same level of frequency (1-2x a week would be fine), but we just never seem to have any opportunity unless we go away for the weekend. We would usually have sex at night or in the morning. But now our son insists on sleeping in between us. All night long. We've tried everything -- hubby will bring him down to his own bed when he comes up (usually by then I'm asleep with the little boy and not looking for sex). Our son will sleep in his bed for 1 or 2 -- sometimes 3 hours -- but then he comes back and gets right in between us.

We've called our pediatrician. She says she is having the exact same problem with her four year old, and that the key is taking the kid back to his or her bed once kid has fallen asleep. Consistently. Only then she admitted to the same problem we've been having, which is by the time the kid is asleep, she's pretty much asleep, and wants to stay asleep and so the kid stays.

Reading the posts about the successful marriages really made me realize how important sex is in a marriage and that even though there are a number of externalities that make sex hard to get to for us right now (rather than an underlying problem in the relationship), I need to do something. So I went down to his office and we had sex on the floor. Which was nice. Should that become the norm until the kid gets out of the bed??

Let me make it clear -- my son will not go to bed without me, in my bed. He'll let me read a little bit to myself if I'm lucky. It's a big issue. I will never make this mistake with my daughter. Then again, I do keep in mind that my son will not be sleeping in my bed when he's 16. Or even 10. You get the idea. I just do not want to have forgotten what sex is like before this problem is resolved.

I didn't ask Dr. Ariza what she's doing for sex.

[Anonymous]

I co-sleep with DC. There are plenty of places to have fun with DH besides the bed!

[Anonymous]

How old is your son? How about having his go a bed a little earlier and once he falls asleep you and your DH can to another room and take care of business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son? How about having his go a bed a little earlier and once he falls asleep you and your DH can to another room and take care of business.

One other thing, its ok to have sex in the middle of the day. Get a sitter and have her take yoru child to the park and then make good use of the hour.

[Anonymous]

After your son falls asleep, you leave the bed and go have sex elsewhere. The earlier in the evening, the better (you wont' be as tired).

[Anonymous]

OT - but i never liked Dr Ariza and her condescending attitude, and didn't find her advice helpful either. didn't know she has a young daughter.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, but I don't think your main problem is the sex. I think it's that your child is in charge at night and calling the shots. Did you say he was 4?

The office floor, the kitchen table, whatever works for your love life location. Seems you're on the right track there.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter co-slept until very recently. Now she sleeps in her bed, but it's right next to ours. What we've always done is get up once she's asleep and go to another room. This is hard if she doesn't go to sleep quickly, because we're both so tired. And it's a little cold to be creeping around right now. Besides, I kind of like having sex in my own comfy bed. So we've found something of a magical solution in allowing her the occasional video in the early even (the Grinch being a current favorite), which completely engrosses her to the point of forgetting to come look for us. We nip upstairs and close the door. Works like a charm!

[Anonymous]

My son is now one year old and seem to be doing the same. I'd put him to bed, the whole reading stories and singing but as soon as I put him in his crib. As soon as I get comfy in our bed and is about attack my hubby the one year old decides to starts bawling. I would repeat the process all over again but he does not fall into a deep sleep unless he gets in the bed with us. By then my hubby is fast asleep and of course we are both deprived.

[Anonymous]

12/19/2008 13:14 - sorry with all the gramatical errors but am trying to feed lunch and type

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank everyone for your responses.

I confess: Once I've fallen asleep, I will not wake up even if it's to have sex with Leonard DiCaprio.

I am very jealous of the couple who can put the video on and go upstairs for some privacy. My children would never permit not knowing exactly where we are and having complete access to us for more than 2 minutes. I'm serious.

I think the office floor on flexiplace days is going to have to do for now.

But maybe I'm just not as . . . acrobatic or adventurus as y'all. I have a friend whose husband leans her over the sink in the bathroom. That's just not me. I confess, I like to have sex in bed, hold each other and talk afterwards and go off to sleep. I am a Victorian. I even prefer the missionary position, rarely watch porn, and echew sex toys.

Even my husband shares some of this. After the romp on the office floor he was very distracted trying to make sure there were no stains from . . . you know.

[Anonymous]

For us, it seems that weekends are pretty much the only time when we're not too tired. We'll usually go for it when our son takes his mid-morning nap. Sometimes, we'll take off of work a little early and meet up at home before picking him up from daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Sometimes, we'll take off of work a little early and meet up at home before picking him up from daycare.

This is a great idea! I'm not the OP but thanks for the suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Try your minivan.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe people are letting their kids dictate their lives like this.