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Husband is a terrible gift recipient
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Anonymous
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OK, ladies, give me strength!
My husband is a terrible gift recipient. We have been married 12 years. It started with the very first birthday present I ever gave him when we were dating. He returned it for a more expensive version (yes, I paid the difference). This year, he turned the big 4-0. I saved for three years to get him a crazy over the top birthday present. He said he wanted a certain thing some day. Then, he started dreaming about a different thing. I didn't know what to get him, in the end. So I wrote a funny poem and gave him a check - it was over $10,000 that I had saved. His reaction? He was mad I didn't get the first thing, and complained about having to pick it out himself (although if I had he would have returned it or complained it wasn't the right one!). Then he picked out something that cost $3K more (yep, I came up with the difference, even though it totally killed our budget and put us in a hole). Then the next day, he started talking about he wanted to figure out how he could get the other thing soon, too. On the flip side, the only time I have ever suggested wanting something extravagant was before the birth of our first child. He said he would get me a nice ring. When DC was born, he decided we couldn't afford it and bought me a balloon from the hospital gift shop. I later got mad about it, and finally got the ring, but only by agreeing to let him get a motorcycle at the same time so it was "fair." This year, I got him something really nice for Christmas. It was way out of our budget, but I decided he really deserved it. It is going to kill me when he criticizes it or finds some reason why it wasn't expensive enough and he deserves something grander. What can I do to prepare myself for this? And how can I learn to stop giving him these grand things when I am just going to get hurt by it? I earn about twice what he does, btw, so keep the little wifey spending all his money comments to yourself please. |
Anonymous
| If he shows that much appreciation for your gifts, I'd give him nothing. Is it too late to return what you got for him this year? |
Anonymous
I second this. |
Anonymous
| I third this |
Anonymous
with terrible gift recipients, you have to really just stop trying to please them. They really have missed the point of the gift. My dad is like this, and I used to spend tons getting him stuff that he supposedly liked. He'd either ask for the receipt (RUDE!) or let me know somehow that it was wrong. Needless to say, I've had to work through my pleasing daddy issues.  Now I just get him a basic gift like a book on a topic he likes, know he's going to hate it and call it a day.
Perhaps the problem is the size of the gift? Personally, if my husband wanted a motorcycle, he would probably want to pick it out, because that's a pretty expensive gift for me to get the details wrong. If he knows what you're getting him, that sorta takes the fun out of it too. Maybe you can just have a talk with him sometime when it's not your birthdays or Christmas and say, "look I'd like to change the way we're giving/getting gifts." Wouldn't you rather be suprised for your birthday than have him do the shopping for you, badly? It sounds like you can afford some of the nicer things you want anyway--just go buy them yourself and dont' try to get or give them to eachother for birthdays. |
Anonymous
fourth it. |
Anonymous
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Im sorry, But how selfish and ungrateful.
I wouldn't buy him another single gift as long as he acts this way. Id get him a card and write him some poems. |
Anonymous
| Why does someone who behaves in such a callous and selfish way on a regular basis "deserve" a fantastic gift? Especially from the person whose feelings he completely disregards? I think you should really think about the dynamics in your relationship and maybe see a therapist. I'm not being snide - people are drawn to their partners for specific reasons and not all of them are healthy. Your post sends up some red flags. |
Anonymous
| I fifth the advice about returning this year's gift. And I second the advice that you see a therapist. I'm in therapy now, and it has really opened my eyes. Why do you feel compelled to continue to give thoughtful and expensive gifts to someone who disparages them - and you? |
Anonymous
| I completely agree with the PPs. The problem isn't that your husband is a terrible gift recipient. The problem is that you are married to an impetuous, selfish, ill-tempered child. |
Anonymous
| I don't want to pile on, but it sounds like marriage counseling might be a good idea. Your husband sounds like an ass. |
Anonymous
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I would stop giving my husband presents after the first time he reacted like this. And I would sock all that money away in my bank account, and save it up for the day I finally decided to leave such an a-hole. He knows how to push your buttons - he's manipulating you, deliberately making you feel bad to get what he wants. And possibly, he enjoys keeping you in this state of constantly wanting to please him in order to boost his own self-esteem. I think it's abusive. I was in a relationship with someone who did this to me, and after I left him I realized he was trying to keep my self-esteem low so that I wouldn't leave him. And I was so in need of love that I let him do it.
Have you actually told him how it makes you feel when he does this? I would tell him the problem isn't that he wants to return something or doesn't happen to like something that you've picked out. It's that he's being a total jerk about it. Sounds like you can't afford these gifts anyway. You can learn to stop giving him these grand things by going to counseling. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| I don't know - it sounds like you're enabling his behavior and both of you have to haves some serious discussions about your finances. Why do both of you think it is okay to go into debt to get your DH nice presents? |
Anonymous
| Get him a ballon from a gift shop. |
Anonymous
I SECOND this!!! 
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