Husband is a terrible gift recipient

[Anonymous]

He should get a lump of coal and a stocking full of switches.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. We are in counseling, but we have a counselor who believes everything is equal - I check my blackberry, so he gets to insult me in front of my co-workers, you know? I don't get the kids out from underfoot in the morning as quickly as he wants, so he gets to scream at our 18 month old that she's a bitch. It's so much fun...

I have always loved Christmas, and I have always loved giving really nice gifts. Ever since I have earned my own money I have done it, when I had a good idea for someone (not every year; I'm not that creative!), for my parents, siblings, my secretary, you name it. I just have to remember I am not married to a normal person, so I should save my good ideas for someone else. This is hard to remember!

Maybe I need an appreciative lover - LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the kids out from underfoot in the morning as quickly as he wants, so he gets to scream at our 18 month old that she's a bitch. It's so much fun...

If THIS is really happening, actually, you need to leave him.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. And if your therapist thinks that's "equal," you need a new therapist, stat!

[Anonymous]

WOW - calling your 18 month anything negative is mental abuse and it seems that not only does he need counseling but medication and a divorce!!!
I think you have a lot deeper issues than the gift giving.

[Anonymous]

I hope you don't give him anything except a big reality check. This is the craziest post I've ever read.

[Anonymous]

This post is so sad. Please protect your 18-month old from this man. You sound like a great, generous person -- you don't have to buy people's affection with extravagant gifts --

[Anonymous]

Is this post real? I'm suspicious. Your DH calls your 18 month old a bitch? That is ABUSE. Get him absolutely nothing, but get yourself in individual counseling ASAP with a reputable counselor who has a good understanding of domestic abuse.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Sigh. Yes, it really happened, but only once. He told the counselor it was all my fault because of the strain of living with me and going through rough times is what caused him to lash out at the kids.

The counselor keeps assuring me that we can work through all this stuff, that he sees no reason we can't, but that it will take a long time (and undoubtedly a lot of $$$). But that is not going to make me feel any better on Christmas morning when my latest gift is deemed inadequate.

[Anonymous]

I thought he was just an ungrateful brat when I first read this, but now he sounds like an angry and resentful person. Men have issues with money and I'm sure he feels inadequate about making less. If you saved $10k for a present for him, then he wanted something that cost more and he gave you a balloon after pushing a human being out of your body - he's selfish and needs to deal with his issues. Calling your baby a bitch is horrible! I know you seeking counseling and don't need to need to hear all this, but he's crossing the line by being aggressive with the kids.

[Anonymous]

wow. wow.

he's absolutely got some issues if he's acting SO childish. throwing a fit over "inadequate" gifts and calling a baby a bitch. immature much?

i don't see how there's anything "equal" about anything that's been mentioned so far, so i don't get where the therapist is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Read the stuff here and see what you think:

http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/what-is-domestic-violence/

They also have a hotline [phone]-SAFE if you want to discuss with someone. I know you are in marriage counseling, but what about a few sessions with someone else on your own? Sometime it's helpful to talk to someone NOT also talking to your husband. You could try the Women's Center: http://www.thewomenscenter.org/.

Please, take this seriously. Do it for your daughter. The least of your troubles is that your husband isn't going to like his expensive gift.

[Anonymous]

Yep, OP, first step is accepting that you will not please this man. Give him a less expensive (much) gift and expect him to complain and take a deep breath and let it go.

And then reflect on whether it's worth it to be married to someone who EVER for WHATEVER reason calls an 18-month-old child a bitch. (Blaming it on you is childish. I don't care if you had shot him in the foot with a pistol -- that's still no excuse.)

But that's a longer-term proposition. Letting go of the gift thing is a small step that you can actually take.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to rack my brains to think of a logical explanation of why any parent would call their baby a bitch. I can't think of one. There is just no excuse for that.

[Anonymous]

11:22 poster again. I understand that your DH is under stress but to blame his abusive behavior toward his 18 month old daughter on you? Very frightening pattern here. I agree withj 11:58.... check out the link about domestic abuse. And good luck, I'm really sorry you're going through this.