You know you did it in college... would you let your child be absent to complete an assignment?

[Anonymous]

I would have said no way, but this time I'm considering letting my DS13 stay home absent tomorrow in order to complete an important assignment. If he goes to school, he will have to turn in an incomplete or hastily done assignment. If he stays home 'sick', he can turn it in the next day he goes to school with no cost to his grade.

I'm leaning toward allowing it this time, because God knows I did this a LOT in HS and college myself and am none the worse for wear. Also, he needs this class grade to remain an A for his GPA. Any words of caution or why I shouldn't let him do this? Means vs. ends.... ugh.

[Anonymous]

I never did that. I never went anywhere that assignments weren't marked down a grade for each day late.

However, "why" isn't his assignment done? I think a lot would depend on that, for me. If his grandparent died and he attended a funeral, for example, I'd be more inclined to let him stay home to complete the assignment. If he was just mismanaging his time, however, no way. He "does" have to learn there are consequences to his actions. You aren't doing him any favors in the long run by letting him slide. Do you want a kid who's great on paper (i.e., keeping the GPA up), or great from within (resilience and integrity)?

[Anonymous]

Why does he need the extra time? Could he ask his teacher for more time? I imagine if he is an A student, there must be a good reason and his teacher would know it.

[Anonymous]

I never did that either. I agree with PP that he should just take the consequences of his actions. At age 13, it is far easier to recover from this kind of mistake than later in high school, so it actually seems like a good time for him to learn this lesson.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I ever did that myself. I would also ask the reason why he didn't do the assignment. If he just didn't bother, then he should just accept the consequences. If there was a good reason, let him ask the teacher for an extension. If he is an A student, I am sure he/she would be fine w/ it.

[Anonymous]

We did that last year for our 9th grader. She had worked very long and hard on the project but needed sleep so we agreed she could go in at mid day the next day in order to get a decent nights sleep.

[Anonymous]

One concern is that it gives your child an unfair advantage of an extra day to work on a project, when other students won't. Not very fair, and I personally wouldn't feel that "A" is worth an "A" in the true sense of the word.

[Anonymous]

I did it once in elementary school and a few times in high school. In my own experience, teachers were not very understanding---unless you had an excuse from a parent. I always felt guilty when I stayed home to complete an assignment. My mom poured on the guilt, but she also knew that I was working hard. My siblings and I usually had one "freebie/mental health day" a year. We ended up just fine.

[Anonymous]

It deppends. Is he a good student overall? Is he responsible? Is he a good son? Or is he a spoiled brat?

If he is a good son overall I would let

[Anonymous]

It's all about why the assignment isn't finished. If he's been working hard on it and wants to make it more complete or polished, or if like a PP said, there was some circumstance out of his control that prevented him from finishing, then yeah, I'd probably cut him some slack. If he's been procrastinating, then this is a lesson he needs to learn.

[Anonymous]

Under the circumstances I'd definitely cut him slack and let him stay home to finish it- but not do anything fun during the school day.

I'd also make sure circumstances don't repeat and he knows that this is a one time break.

I have done this, and agree I'm none the worse for the wear. But if he got used to having the bailout it could be really bad for him.

[Anonymous]

I think it establishes bad habits. He may be very smart, but a procrastinator - typical of highly gifted children who procrastinate due to perfectionism. I would say let him learn the consequences now. If he has more work to do, can't he stay up late and wake up early? That is what my parents did. A couple of tired days in school taught me not to procrastinate.

[Anonymous]

I would let him stay home - this time - but have a long and detailed discussion of what went wrong, why he didn't finish on time, and what he could do differently next time. I would follow up with closer monitoring on the next big assignment to make sure he does follow the new plan, and I would not give him this break again (at least, not this year).

[Anonymous]

Older Mom here. I definately would let him stay home. Children today have so much going on and there is (in my opinion) too many competitive events in their little lives. It is our job to set them up to succeed. I think it is unfair to compare your upbringing to theirs. It is not the same reality.

[Anonymous]

It's an unfair advantage but it worked for you, right? So what the hey, let him do it; runs in the family and let the tradition continue.