You know you did it in college... would you let your child be absent to complete an assignment?

[Anonymous]

OP mom here. Well, I guess I underestimated him. I started feeling sorry for him when it was 10:45 and he was only 25% done with his geometry project. Silly me. The boy is highly gifted and has actually never missed an assignment, or failed to come through in a clutch.

So he stayed up until 12:30 and got it done flawlessly. I considered letting him sleep an hour late and miss his woodshop class, but he was looking forward to making a clock today, so he didn't even ask!

It's hard for me to consider trying to change him. I was also HG and procrastinated until the last minute of the last hour... I still got A's too. The pattern of procrastination is nerve-racking, but part of me (and I guess him) thrives on that razor thin margin. I have gotten better about managing my time with three kids, my margin evaporates instantly with a sick child, or some other circumstance - - I can't cut things so close anymore. My goal is just to get him to learn how to pad his margin a little bit more so he doesn't get caught out someday.

[Anonymous]

One of the real problems I see in our culture today is the mentality that everything is okay if you can get away with it. IMHO, this idea reinforces that mentality to your children. What happened to teaching kids natural consequences for their actions? Or the concepts of honesty and fairness? In my view, your DS maintaining his GPA through deceit and through taking an unfair advantage over others is pretty lame.

By the way, I don't know many people who would have even tried this in college. A due date was a due date, barring a very extreme circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the real problems I see in our culture today is the mentality that everything is okay if you can get away with it. IMHO, this idea reinforces that mentality to your children. What happened to teaching kids natural consequences for their actions? Or the concepts of honesty and fairness? In my view, your DS maintaining his GPA through deceit and through taking an unfair advantage over others is pretty lame.

By the way, I don't know many people who would have even tried this in college. A due date was a due date, barring a very extreme circumstance.

I don't understand what deceit you think my son got away with. He stayed up until 12:30 completing his assignment, and he was at school today when the bell rang.

[Anonymous]

No way would I let my kid do this -- it simply isn't fair to the other kids in his class and contributes to the ridiculous competitiveness kids face today. I love, too, how OP had to throw in, too, that she considered letting him miss "woodshop," which I interpret to mean it is a meaningless class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand what deceit you think my son got away with. He stayed up until 12:30 completing his assignment, and he was at school today when the bell rang.

I think she was pretty clearly referring to the possibility that you would let him stay home "sick" today to complete it.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what deceit you think my son got away with. He stayed up until 12:30 completing his assignment, and he was at school today when the bell rang.

That information wasn't actually contained in your original posting, and your response hadn't appeared yet when I was typing mine. As PP stated, the deceit is in the fact that you were going to let him falsely claim to be sick in order to have extra time for the assignment.

My goal is just to get him to learn how to pad his margin a little bit more so he doesn't get caught out someday.

Do you really think that is what you would be teaching him by allowing him to miss school to complete an assignment? I would suggest that letting him get caught out rather than extending his margin may be a better way to communicate this message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the real problems I see in our culture today is the mentality that everything is okay if you can get away with it. IMHO, this idea reinforces that mentality to your children. What happened to teaching kids natural consequences for their actions? Or the concepts of honesty and fairness? In my view, your DS maintaining his GPA through deceit and through taking an unfair advantage over others is pretty lame.

By the way, I don't know many people who would have even tried this in college. A due date was a due date, barring a very extreme circumstance.

There is a lot of coddling and enabling that I've seen over the years as a teacher, and it's gotten worse. I have two friends who are college professors, and they constantly complain about receiving messages from parents who are angry b/c their children received Bs and below. It's so ridiculous. I'd be mortified if my parents fought my battles for me.

I can't even believe how often parents drop their kids off late to our preschool - as though it's no big deal. If you're going to send your child to school - at ANY level - take it seriously and set a good example for your kids. Arriving late tells children it's no big deal - same goes for allowing them to "miss" deadlines. Can you imagine telling your boss that you just couldn't complete your project on time?

If a kid is having problems keeping up with deadlines, then perhaps s/he is overloaded. I don't care how gifted a kid is. Everyone has his/her limits. Furthermore, to think it's fine to miss a class - elective or not - in order to sleep in again reinforces the notion that school is not important. If woodworking (or some other elective) is not important, don't sign up for it. I can't tell you how often some of these valuable electives are looked upon as dumping grounds.

[Anonymous]

I agree that getting caught out earlier is better than later. In third grade I left a long writing assignment at home after winter break. It was crushing to have to stay in at recess to re-do it! But it had a real impact on me, and I became much more careful about taking responsibility for my own assignments. I think it would have been a real lost opportunity if the adults had tried to "save me" somehow.

I've taught college students who get overwhelmed with their assignments. In many cases, they could have benefited from more extensive life experience in figuring out to get everything done on time without an adult saving them. (And the excuse of being sick is a hollow one that any teacher or professor can spot. It might save the student's average temporarily but looks shady and makes the student seem unreliable. What's a teacher or professor supposed to write on the students' recommendations later?)

In one memorable case, my student plagiarized "just this one time" in order to get the assignment done in time and to save his "A" average. He was a star, a promising student, who was used to success. Oops, he didn't end up with an A from me after all!

[Anonymous]

I can understand the desire to help your child out like this, especially when it's a kid that is clearly trying and not just lazy or a procrastinator. But, I think it's better for them to learn the consequences of not getting assignments done, no matter what the reason. If it's because they're too busy, maybe it will help them prioritize their activities. If they don't manage time well, getting burned will make them see they need to work on that area. If they are a perfectionist, maybe they need to learn that they're not going to do perfect on every project. If you save them, and let them lie about being sick to get out the consequences, you are not really helping them in the long run.

Good for your kid for staying up late to get the work done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP mom here. Well, I guess I underestimated him. I started feeling sorry for him when it was 10:45 and he was only 25% done with his geometry project. Silly me. The boy is highly gifted and has actually never missed an assignment, or failed to come through in a clutch.

So he stayed up until 12:30 and got it done flawlessly. I considered letting him sleep an hour late and miss his woodshop class, but he was looking forward to making a clock today, so he didn't even ask!

It's hard for me to consider trying to change him. I was also HG and procrastinated until the last minute of the last hour... I still got A's too. The pattern of procrastination is nerve-racking, but part of me (and I guess him) thrives on that razor thin margin. I have gotten better about managing my time with three kids, my margin evaporates instantly with a sick child, or some other circumstance - - I can't cut things so close anymore. My goal is just to get him to learn how to pad his margin a little bit more so he doesn't get caught out someday.

Honestly, why is it necessary to share how highly gifted you and your son are? To me your original post was a setup so you could come back with a follow up post and stroke your own ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me your original post was a setup so you could come back with a follow up post and stroke your own ego.

I wouldn't take it that way. I think it was just an overstressed parent with an overstressed teen looking for some clarity. Don't we all, at one time or another, get boggled down by the details and forget to see the big picture?

[Anonymous]

It speaks volumes that you posted your question here. And then to follow up with an egotistical post bragging about you and your son's brilliance. Can't wait for your next big moral dilemma.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the "you know you did it in college" part. I didn't have an option in college of not showing up to class in order to turn an assignment in late. If you didn't show up to class and thus didn't turn in an assignment, your grade on the assignment was reduced. There was no calling in sick. If I was sick, I dragged myself to class to turn in papers.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of coddling and enabling that I've seen over the years as a teacher, and it's gotten worse. I have two friends who are college professors, and they constantly complain about receiving messages from parents who are angry b/c their children received Bs and below. It's so ridiculous. I'd be mortified if my parents fought my battles for me.

I couldn't agree more. My mother recently retired as a public high school principal. She said that without comparison the aspect of her job she enjoyed the least was dealing with parents who thought that everything in relation to their child was infinitely negotiable.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't take it that way. I think it was just an overstressed parent with an overstressed teen looking for some clarity. Don't we all, at one time or another, get boggled down by the details and forget to see the big picture?

I'm not the person who made the initial point you responded to, but while I do think you do have a fair point about forgetting the big picture at times, I'm not sure all of us see lying and cheating as something that is morally ambiguous.