To: my sister in law
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Anonymous
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I have never, not even once, said anything negative to you. I have never, not even once, said anything negative *about* you to anyone - not my brother, not my other family, not strangers, not anyone. Never. And you will never hear me resort to such chatter, though I will let it fly here, once, anonymously on the internet.
So it's come to my attention that you think I'm a bitch. On what planet is someone who is basically a nurse, nanny, chef, maid, personal driver, and delivery service for months after you have a child, a "bitch?" How entitled and selfish do you have to be, to even consider saying something? You have no sense of appreciation or gratitude, or understanding that no one has to do anything for you. But I'm made many attempts to reach out to you - ask about you, ask how things are going with you, helping you out when you've been in a bind - too many times to count. Even though, you've NEVER done anything the same for me. And now, because I've decided to cut the constant help cord because I felt I was being taken advantage of... now I'm a bitch? Are you fucking kidding me? I never made custom meals when my other siblings had their children - no gluten free, lactose free homemade, delicious, warm meals in the months after giving birth. I never drove them to appointments, because they took the time to learn how to drive themselves. I never stayed over, stayed up all night, multiple times a week, so they could get some rest - for months on end. But they were much kinder, much more appreciative, than your entitled brattiness ever has been. I get that maybe you feel like you don't know how to fit into our family gatherings or get-togethers. I understand that this can be an adjustment. But I've made attempts to include you, for several years now. Ask about you, include you in things. But if you're going to spend the entire time on the sofa and on your phone, instead of jumping in and lending a hand (and socializing), then that's your own fucking fault for feeling left out. You have to make a little bit of effort yourself. You're 30 years old. Grow the fuck up. At some point you can't expect everyone to coddle you. And you know, your sister is right. You are a snob. Maybe she's a little colorful and off-kilter sometimes - but she's still kind and good. Her heart is in the right place. The problem is not your sister. The problem is you. The way you treat her is abhorrent. I've lot one of my sisters, and let me tell you - you are so lucky to have her. I'm fucking baffled that you would call me a bitch, because I caught on, and decided to stop being there for you. I love my nephew dearly, but it's not worth dealing with your massive sense of entitlement of how much people should do for you. Your perception is fucked up beyond belief. Grow up. Do things for yourself. Get to know others, and do things for others. And learn how to fucking drive. |
Anonymous
| Oh, and one more thing? Now your husband/my brother needs your PERMISSION to bring my nephew over and let him spend some time with his aunt? Just because I refused to do things for you anymore? You're fucking insane. You're a cunt. |
Anonymous
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What do you mean by "it has come to my attention?" You heard this second-hand? Consider the source...
You're also a coward if you won't have this conversation with her (you might want to sanitize it first). Also, for all your disclaimers about never speaking ill, if you had this much resentment built up that you just articulated, I'm sure your hostility showed in other ways. You may not be perceived as saintly as you mean to come across. Just saying. |
Anonymous
| Whoever told you did not do a nice thing. I always consider the messenger the most ugliest of all - self serving, done for attention. |
Anonymous
My thoughts exactly. |
Anonymous
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OP here - I'm definitely not a saint. I absolutely have my flaws and imperfections, and sincerely never had any ill feelings towards my SIL. I figured she was just having a really hard time adapting (to motherhood, to her extended family, etc), and felt sympathy for her. I get that. But to call someone a bitch is also indicative of her resentment, for me cutting the cord. This was via my brother, when asked why he never brings my nephew over when I'm around and why I never hear from SIL anymore (despite me touching base occasionally). That I'm a bitch, because she knows I'm done doing things for her anymore. And that I never hear from her, because there's no reason to ask for things anymore.
Anyway. I'm glad I got it out. Her own family thinks she's an unappreciative snob. It is what it is. |
Anonymous
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OP, you posted this here for you SIL to read?
Is SIL on DCUM? If not, what's the point? |
Anonymous
No clue if she reads DCUM. I posted because sometimes you really just need to vent and let it all out. |
Anonymous
| Wow, the hostility. I'm amazed. Why don't you have kids of your own and see how hard it is? I am sure your SIL was stressed out with her first child, and you being there was very much appreciated, even though she may not have explicitly stated it. No one would want to be around someone toxic like you. It's a good thing your nephew is not anywhere near you. Talk about someone having a bipolar or borderline personality disorder issue. Seek help. |
Anonymous
| Maybe your story is more complicated, but I also have a bitch of a SIL--everyone tried to welcome her and include her and was predisposed to like her because we like her husband, and wanted to be helpful when she had her first baby--and she just burned through that goodwill. Totally self-centered, expected everyone to treat her like a princess all the time, was incapable of handling the most basic life tasks, constantly saying insensitive and hurtful things, etc. At some point, you just say enough is enough. |
Anonymous
| Did you try talking to her in person about your feelings? |
Anonymous
LOL maybe the snobby/bratty SIL is on DCUM after all? A lot of therapists will candidly admit that the first ones to throw out "you have x-mental illness!" are the ones who are most likely to be ill and have serious issues themselves. I think this kind of epitomizes that. 
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Anonymous
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You seem to be assigning a lot of intention to your SIL's actions when she may simply have not thought about how you'd perceive it at all. She probably didn't sit on the couch with her phone to offend you. To me, that's relaxing, especially if some one else has my kid entertained for me. It would never occur to me that if my SIL is bonding with her nephew that she'd take offense at my checking my email.
And who goes around tattling like that? Bad form. Remember, you're family. Your SIL is allowed to get annoyed with you on occasion and it's not the end of the world. I feel annoyed by my MIL half the time we talk but overall, I think we have a pretty good relationship - family is annoying and occasionally insensitive. That's just a part of life. Try to keep it in perspective. |
Anonymous
| Haha I think the sister in law is on as well! Lol! Seriously though, if I was on the receiving end of this vent, I would seriously think twice about having a person like this around my child. If you didn't tell your sister in law your feelings all this time, she may be confused and therefore not be reaching out. It's sad that you can't see your nephew but you may want to tone it down a bit. |
Anonymous
I get it, OP. Good for you! |