I feel guilty that I'm over it so quickly

[Anonymous]

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year 6 days ago. It was a tough decision and I felt terrible doing it (I may or may not have started a thread a month ago looking for moral support to help me do it). We haven't spoken much since and have decided to stop communicating completely for a while. I know he is heartbroken and not doing well. I, on the other hand, have a date tomorrow night.

I feel like such an ass.

[Anonymous]

I'm on the other side. Was recently broken up with. Depressing to hear you doing well....and dating already.

[Anonymous]

You don't really feel like an ass. Otherwise you wouldnt have gone and went on a date so soon.

So, you had someone waiting in the wings?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you care about the ex, but you are assured it is time to move on.
Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the right decision (and there is no reason to feel like an ass), but are you sure you want to date again so quickly? Perhaps you already did some of this during the breaking up process, but I think it's always wise to pause and reflect - what worked and didn't work about the past relationship and what would you like to do differently next time aroudn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't really feel like an ass. Otherwise you wouldnt have gone and went on a date so soon.

So, you had someone waiting in the wings?

I feel like an ass because it feels disrespectful and unkind to my heartbroken ex to have moved on so quickly. However, I am still choosing to go on a date so soon because I have made my peace with my decision and have been ready to move on from this relationship for a long time.

And no, I did not have purposefully have someone else waiting in the wings. He's a friend of a friend who pounced as soon as he heard I was single. Flattering, really.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you did some mourning and processing before formally breaking up. It's ok.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of a someone breaking up with me very long ago. She broke it off suddenly in less than a year. At least it seemed suddenly at the time to me. The thing was I said it was ok with me for her go on a trip with a guy friend she knew, because I trusted her, but she wasn't to be trusted as it turned out.

She comes back from the trip cold as ice towards me. Wouldn't talk about it, just wanted to break up then and there. So of course it begin to become clear what had happened. He had sex with her and apparently really put it on her far better than I had ever done, plus she liked him to begin with.

I've always been someone who looks on the bright side of things with no tendency towards depression, but that one episode got to me, that she could ask me to trust her on a trip with a guy and then betray me, and then cut me off so abruptly. I became what must have been clinically depressed for three months. I kept working and all that, but I was so deeply sad.

The stress weakened me physically during that time and I caught both the flu and a severe cold during those three months and was in very bad shape physically and mentally. After 3 months I was able to pull myself out of it and get on with my life, but I've never forgotten how someone can treat someone so coldly so suddenly.

[Anonymous]

If you're an ass, it's because you hung on to the relationship longer than was a good idea. Next time, just man up and break it off when you know it's doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're an ass, it's because you hung on to the relationship longer than was a good idea. Next time, just man up and break it off when you know it's doomed.

OP doesn't really think she's an ass. The heart-broken ex-boyfriend situation is an ego stroke for her, and she's posting here for more ego strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're an ass, it's because you hung on to the relationship longer than was a good idea. Next time, just man up and break it off when you know it's doomed.

OP doesn't really think she's an ass. The heart-broken ex-boyfriend situation is an ego stroke for her, and she's posting here for more ego strokes.

How is being too much of a pussy to break it off an ego stroke?

[Anonymous]

But will you let your new date put his P in your V?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're an ass, it's because you hung on to the relationship longer than was a good idea. Next time, just man up and break it off when you know it's doomed.

+1

"moving on" so quickly isn't uncommon - what's really going on is that you were over him and had moved on a while ago - before you broke up with him. This is extremely common. The dumper almost always moves on before the dumpee does. I've been on both sides of this.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you were over it long before it ended.

[Anonymous]

When I was in my mid 20's, my BF of 5 years broke up with me out of the blue. Cut me off completely. I was a mess and couldn't believe how heartless and spineless he was after all that time. Cutting me off cold turkey was painful but it made it much easier to move on- there was no chance of me misunderstanding his intentions. I moved on quickly- dated a lot and then met my now husband.