Husband too nice

[Anonymous]

In his old age, DH is getting nicer and nicer to strangers. Normally, I would say "fantastic, great, wonderful, we need more of that in the world" and so on. But it seems that due to DH's history of abuse (he was pretty seriously abused by his siblings growing up); it is coming out as he gets older that he is nicer and nicer to strangers, who in turn, take advantage of him. His pleasantries are misplaced. I am sure there is a professional or clinical name for this, I just don't know what it is.

I fully realize, only he can help himself. Is there a way I can help him see how his behavior is okay in "normal" social circumstances, but not how it is coming out. He can be really inappropriate, and people wonder about him. He really goes out of his way to talk to people he either doesn't know, or doesn't know well (at all). I think they turn it into a game at his expense. I feel bad for him. He is brilliant, but one might say socially stunted. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

I think they turn it into a game at his expense

What do you mean by this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think they turn it into a game at his expense

What do you mean by this?

Yeah, specific examples would help paint the picture.

[Anonymous]

Also, what is "old age?"

How does he think you treat other people?

[Anonymous]

Do you mean that he stays to chat endlessly when people are busy, especially with young women? That's old age all right, unless he's less than 70.

Then you should be concerned and take him to the doc.

[Anonymous]

I'd be concerned about dementia, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned about dementia, OP.

+1
how old is he?

[Anonymous]

Everybody gets either meaner or nicer in old age, because it stops being worth putting on the pretense of being moderate, and you revert to your natural self. I think we need to know more about how he's being "taken advantage of" to gauge whether this is a serious concern.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He's actually in his 40's. I have heard that some mental issues do not show up until later in life. In other words, not always before this time.

PP, it is not just with women. Obviously, I wouldn't care if that was the case because the cause would be obvious

It is interfering with his personal and professional relationships, otherwise I would not care.

[Anonymous]

How are strangers taking advantage of him?

At first glance, the original post sounds kind of paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are strangers taking advantage of him?

At first glance, the original post sounds kind of paranoid.

+1. Perhaps OP needs her husband to start a bar fight or two.

[Anonymous]

Are you concerned about dementia? Or mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are strangers taking advantage of him?

At first glance, the original post sounds kind of paranoid.

Or greedy.

[Anonymous]

OP here (while cooking!). Greedy? Paranoid? Really?

I know my husband is a big boy, so to speak. I just fear his becoming nicer in his old age will lead to problems for him.

Most people I know get crotchety in their old age.

[Anonymous]

OP again, I forgot to explain I am concerned with mental illness. If naiveté is a mental illness. If he were like that before, I would feel differently.